rnorth

Okay confused25 - take a deep breath and relax. Saying you love someone right after sex is easy; the emotions and hormones are running high and you feel very close to that person. With that in mind, I think he gave you a very thoughtful and honest answer. Perhaps he didn't want you to think that he was only telling you he loves you because you both just had sex? Also, given the context that he has probably been pining over you all this time, he may be protecting his own heart right now. Please don't take this the wrong way but I think you are overreacting. My guess is that he does love you but his case falls somewhere into the scenario I described above. Be gentle with him; he actually sends pretty tender-hearted and wants to protect himself a bit given someone of the pain he has felt recently in your breakup.

Its Monday and you may have already seen him, but its horribly rude of a guy to not call to confirm plans. He may either just be clueless or a jerk. Don't ever wait around for someone; go ahead and make your own plans. He had just done that to you....

Ahh, she checked out my profile again today. Not that it matters; I have a date with someone else tomorrow night. I still may call at some point because she has a knowledge base that could help me. I am preparing to run some 5 and 10 K races in the next few months and she is kind of an expert on the subject. But it still would be in a week or so, and I am not sitting around obsessing about her.

Thanks for the advice. I have been leaning towards what is being said with regards to her not being interested/available. My excitement was just peaked/reinvigorated by the fact that I saw she had visited my profile again. She was very appealing but just because I thought so does not mean the interest and availability can/will be reciprocated.

I agree with Batya33... if things are going really well, suggest dinner. On a first date, you don't want to end it too quickly but nor do you want to wear out your welcome. You'll know what to do when the time comes!

Met this girl (S) through yahoo personals . We only had two dates. During the first date, we closed the restaurant down - great conversation, lots of eye contact. I did not kiss her, just gave her a hug. I called 2 days later and set up a second date. She seemed really excited to hear from me. Last weekend we went salsa dancing. We had a great time - lots of touching, physical contact and great eye contact. At the end of the date she asked "so....(pause) we'll talk soon, right?" I responded, "I hope so!" and gave her a small kiss. She kind of giggled (didn't know what that meant but no biggy). A little background about this 'S" [*]She is a full time teacher [*]She rights science articles once a week for a weekly newspaper [*]She is taking two classes right now towards getting a PhD [*]She is a triathlete, did the iron man competition last Nov. in Florida [*]She is 33 and divorced. I don't know when her divorce occurred. I called last Sunday, she did not answer. She called me back on Wednesday, apologized for not calling sooner. She had not been online all week; I could tell because her profile said she hadn't visited in over 7 days. She had a sinus infection, says she gets one once a month. I mentioned getting sushi and she told me I am very sweet and have been so sweet all this time. She said that she has really enjoyed my company but isn't interested in getting involved right now. I told her that I understood, given her schedule. I added that I was disappointed because I really enjoyed her company and was looking forward to getting to know her better. She reiterated that she also enjoyed my company and really had a lot of fun.... I told her that I hope to run into her again and she said she hoped so also.... The next day (Thursday, 1/24), I sent her this email: She hasn't replied, but thats not unexpected. She had told me that she rarely checks email. Today, I noticed that she viewed my profile. I wouldn't usually be this interested after 2 dates, but she is so intriguing and appealing to me. I am thinking of calling her to ask her a question about running programs as a pretext for keeping in touch... I would appreciate advice, especially from the women on this board. Is there a way to contact her without seeming like a weirdo or a stalker and just making it friendly? Thoughts?

I think that some of the advice here is a bit on the tough side. I am actually a big believer in second chances....sometimes even third chances.... I know others have been hurt this way but its the eternal optimist in me. Next time he calls, ask him directly why he continues to call if he's not into getting involved? My guess is that he is interested but that he initially told you the truth with regards to his ex. But you can only find out if you ask him.

Hi BrokenHeart - I am just speaking for me, but I do think this is universal and applies to both genders. I typically am attracted to women who have different things going on and their own set of interests. I especially like women who have found a passion of their own; they love their career, they have a hobby that they hold dear, etc. I appreciate that time is precious to them and that they want to share some of that time with me, but I can't expect to have all their time. I like to feel appreciated, but not needed. I understand also that women appreciate being pursued and they may let men do more of this work in the beginning -the first few dates at least. Its not necessarily a game, but it may feel like one. So my advice is to find something that you enjoy for yourself; do what you love; be what you want and then share that with someone else but don't hold to expectations. Love thyself first! Then you will attract love to you and that love will be much richer for it.

Glad the date went well. My suggestion would have been to ask questions and listen. Keep questions from being too personal ie sex, past relationships, personal hygiene, etc. (sorry to be obvious but you never know!). Ask her about her interests, vacations; why she liked those places, what she likes about her job, her family, what it was like where she grew up...etc. Don't force humor. I find that when I listen more often, whatever I say is much more meaningful and funny especially responding to her cues. Women typically have better communication skills, although this varies depending on family backgroun, etc. Great topic! I think most of us guys have been there!

1. Take her to a play (university or community theatre) 2. Take her on a picnic (surprise her) 3. Take her for a drive out in the country (mountains, by the sea, depending on where you live) 4. Learn how to do a new dance with her (salsa, tango, swing) 5. Learn how to rock climb with her 6. Take a kickboxing class with her 7. Go out and test drive cars together 8. Get a frisbee and go to the park. Play like children! Go on the swings, the see-saw, the merry-go-round, the slide.... 9. Go to a furniture store and try out all the furniture by cuddling together on it. 10. Go to a costume store and try out new outfits for each other... laugh!

Good point on the label. Actually the term I used on our first date was that she is a "Rennaissance woman", as she is involved in so many activities, has a full time job and is working on her PhD. She reacted quite positively to this. I appreciate and agree with your secrets. Honestly, I am more concerned about the mediocre first kiss but there is nothing I can do about that now. How much does it matter if everything else flowed smoothly?

Batya33 - I really appreciate your approach because it demonstrates true consideration. I have had relationships with independent strong women - basically what attracts me - who were less apt to reply right away and I'd just let them be. We all know calling too much is a big faux pas but sometimes I wonder if a non-response or late response begs a followup, say by Wed. or Thursday at the latest. Of course, my gut feeling is she will give me a quick call between now and then. If I have any regrets about how the date went, I would have been more confident on the "first kiss". At least she responded as opposed to turning away... but I can do so much better! Funny how I am more mature and be more at peace with myself but I can still get the butterflies, particularly if I like someone enough to want to continue to get to know them.

Batya33 - thanks for the personal insight, especially given your similar circumstances. Of course she is a different person than you. I needn't assume she is not interested if she is unable to get back to me within 24 hours; I pretty much take people at face value even though it is only a partial reflection of reality. She voiced her desire to continue to keep in touch, so that is my current operating paradigm. For instance, I know that she has class tonight which would be 24 hours since my call. I know that she sometimes has trouble sleeping; people may not feel up to conversing on the phone and just need to try and get through the day. I like her and want to get to know her better and am confident enough in my own esteem to leave a message whatever the outcome. If she doesn't reciprocate, I can easily just move on.

I would be more concerned about her not using birth control (regardless of the protection issue) and deceiving you in this way than her revealing that she has these feelings for you in the way that she did. You ultimately have easier choices to make where her feelings are concerned. If the "P" word becomes a reality, thats a much bigger deal. To me, her actions are manipulative and extortive. I don't know what is going on inside of her, but I agree with RayKay that her stability can be called into question...

Sorry, to overstate the infatuation thing. But its clear you see some potential and don't want to squander it. And it sounds like you are pretty self-aware as well as 'clued in' to pacing yourself a bit more and keeping your own life going. If this becomes a steady thing, holding onto those good things that were a part of you before you met him will help make it a healthy relationship. great job!