LostInTranslation

Thanks everyone. I will definitely see her Saturday because I'm taking her to the airport. Unfortunately for me, she is leaving for the holidays. I'm sure I'll see her before then. I don't know if we're officially dating, but I think last night was a good indication we are headed in that direction ... we shared our meals at dinner, held hands in the movie, and finally kissed. I'm on cloud 9, 10, infinity.

I kissed her! It was great!

Thanks everyone for the responses. Yes, I'm going to do it next time I see her ... maybe as soon as I see her instead of waiting on the date to end. I definitely don't want to be just friends!

I have been going out with a wonderful woman for a few weeks now. We met Thanksgiving weekend and have been on several dates. We have enjoyed each other's company and have had so much to talk about. Our stories are very parallel ... both spent the year not really dating seriously and busy with work and are now looking for something meaningful. Usually we only made plans for weekends and wouldn't really talk otherwise. But this past weekend she called me everyday and saw each other twice. We also made plans for this week and next weekend. It seems like we are on the verge of becoming a couple. Although we seem to be progressing smoothly, I still feel as though she doesn't like me romantically. The main reason is that we still have not kissed. We haven't been in a situation to kiss but I have wanted to on our past two dates. She mentioned she was engaged last year and it didn't work out. I wonder if that has anything to do with getting too close too soon. Also, I don't know if she is seeing other guys. I know it is a man's rule to never ask if she is seeing anyone else or ask how she feels about me, but I would like to know. I have not liked anyone this much since my last relationship that ended over a year ago. I really believe we are good for each other's lives and would have an awesome relationship. Am I putting too much emphasis on a kiss to determine romance between us? And am I moving to fast in my own mind instead of letting things develop? I wish I knew what she is feeling.

This song has helped me through my breakup and 11 months on NC ... Crossfade - Already Gone I will not leave a letter, nothing at all I'm sure you won't notice that I'm even gone I won't break this silence we've shared for so long I will be strong I will not leave a letter, nothing at all I'm sure you won't notice that I'm even gone Why did I stay here? I stayed for so long when we're so far gone I feel so stupid for taking this fall I should have seen it, known all along I won't break this silence we've shared for so long I will be strong What can you possibly want from me? Can't you see I'm already gone? Everything we thought we'd be I still don't feel sorry for this loss I will not waste a moment thinking these thoughts Forgetting comes easy I never cared at all Hurt became hate, now I'm feeling the strain There's just too much pain Fell into pieces, got swept away Left all our pictures in the sun to fade I won't break this silence we've shared for so long I will be strong What can you possibly want from me? Can't you see I'm already gone? Everything we thought we'd be I still don't feel sorry for this loss You don't have to say anything at all I won't stop you from walking away I'll do nothing at all Sitting here I waste a day While the memories fade away You know I expected so much more from you

I have been receiving anonymous calls on my cell phone lately. The calls are blocked so they show up as "Private" on caller ID. When I answer, it's nothing but silence ... as if someone is just listening to me say hello over and over again. When I don't answer, they never leave a message. I really don't receive many calls to begin with so for someone to keep doing this must mean they are intending to call me ... especially since I included my full name in my voicemail message. For some strange reason, I feel the calls are coming from my ex. After dissecting the time frames, they match the same times my ex would call me before she went in to work when we were together. The calls even came three times in a row in a ten-minute span on her birthday ... which I made no attempt to acknowledge this year. I can't prove it is her calling. But if so, why call me "Private" and not say anything? And why keep doing it? She mistreated me very bad for a year, told me she did not love me anymore, and broke up with me. I disappeared so I could move on and I haven't looked back. It's been over ten months of No Contact. Why? Has this ever happened to anyone regarding his or her ex?

Thanks for all the responses. I am feeling better from reading all your posts. I think JoeWho's words hit home with me ... I think I will always love my ex as well but all the pain I've been through has taken that in-love feeling away. I don't have that longing feeling for her after all this time, but I know I will always love her and think of her for the rest of my life as my first true love. I think I will stick with my plan and not contact her to wish her a happy birthday. I'm sure she's happy enough. Strangely enough, my cell phone has rang three times with a PRIVATE number. That never happens. I answered twice and the last call, no voicemail. All I heard was silence both times. There was no static, just silence like someone was listening to me saying "hello" over and over. I think it's kind of random on her birthday to receive a private call. I feel she probably expected me to call so I'm wondering if it's her. I'm sure it's all in my head.

BillyJean, You are right ... no one should use their past as an excuse for not loving and treating someone right. However, she never did make excuses. During our relationship, I learned so much about her to where I was able to figure her out and that has been my assumption. She did fall for me but she couldn't commit completely because of her own issues that she just could not let go. I do deserve better and that is why I walked away. However, walking away unfortunately hasn't taken my feelings away. Vynde, I don't want you to feel scared about your loss because everyone is different. My relationship with her meant more to me than I could ever explain. thereforeeee, my love for her has continued to grow even without being with her. I've had problems before letting go of people I love ... it's like once I love them, I love them forever. Since this was my first real romantic love, that idea in my head has escalated beyond comprehension. I have met other girls and dated around but it made me feel more for my ex since they didn't compare. I have healed more than I thought I would ... I just wish I could escape these memories and feelings for her. The day hasn't been too bad. I'm thinking of her but I don't feel compelled to wish her a Happy Birthday.

Today is my ex's birthday so rather than acknowledging her, I thought I'd post here. I haven't spoken about her in quite some time with the exception of this week. I knew this day was coming and I've felt a little anxious about it. We've had NC since early January of this year, initiated by me. She gave me the classic story of not feeling the same anymore and had lost respect for me. Hearing those words hurt so much that I disappeared since I didn't have much left in me to continue. Our relationship was very dysfunctional. When times were good, they were awesome but when times went sour, they were awful. She was passive-aggressive from all the abuse she endured her whole life by her family and ex-husband. For the year of our relationship, I tried to show her that she was deserving of being loved but she could never return it since she had been so damaged. Since then, I have accepted our demise and have moved on even though I still think of her often. One thought that has overwhelmed me throughout the year is my undying love for her. It seems in my heart that I love her more now than ever ... even though I haven't seen or talked to her in over nine months. It isn't a love that I want her back or that I'm putting her on a pedestal. It's more of a love for showing me what true love is since she was the only woman I ever loved. She was nothing I looked for, but everything I wanted. I don't understand how I fell so hard for someone who didn't feel the same for me but I gave so much of my heart because she was the greatest woman I ever knew. I just feel like I will never be with anyone who doesn't make me feel the love I did with her. I think part of me would love her back but it would all have to be different and I know that's not possible. So why I think of her often still confuses me. Does anyone else feel they love their ex more now that they're gone? Perhaps I'm not over her as much as I think I am. I have shown a lot of strength that I couldn't in our relationship but it doesn't erase my feelings for her. I just hope I make it through this day. I hope she's happy wherever she is.

I found interest in this post because I am thinking the same ... about women. I hear all the time that women want a good guy, good career, educated, etc. However, I see women with the total opposite. I think I am the most successful and well-rounded people I know and I am still single. Sure, I may be a little picky, but I know what I want and I refuse to settle if I'm bringing a lot to the table. For once I would like to meet a girl who doesn't have multiple partners and boyfriends, doesn't have excessive tattoos, and actually has career and life goals besides finding who's buying their next drink. I'm living proof that nice guys definitely finish last.

Bounder, How are you my brother ... it's been a long time. It's funny how our lives and situation continue to be in parallel with each other. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine asked me how I was doing after I had been out of touch with just about everyone in my life. I told him exactly how you feel ... exhausted. I believe this is a common stage in our healing process since we put so much of ourselves into making a relationship work out and coming up short. We all lose a part of ourselves in a relationship. How could we not ... especially in long-term relationships. You've come to all of these realizations and they will make you a better person for someone else in the future ... like your parents. I know how much it hurts to be alone while your ex is happy with someone and had no problem moving on. Some people just have that ability to forget their past loves quicker than others. Just take your time with healing and believing in yourself again. Stop thinking of your ex and what she has said and done ... easier said than done, I know. Having too much history is exactly what it is ... history. It's time to let her go. I think it's a good thing that you took some time out for you to get back on track. It may have postponed some of your goals, but it will help in the long run to have a clear head. Never feel you have sacrificed happiness for your career and personal ambitions. Your goals are the part of your life that make you an individual. You still have your own life to live. I lost my college sweetheart because of my career ambition, but I don't regret it now that the years have passed. She is married now and I am closer to my ultimate goal so we are both happy. Had I stayed with her, I wouldn't have met my current ex and experienced the true meaning of love ... good and bad. It's been 8 months since my breakup and NC. Time has made me better and I have never looked back. Sometimes I feel like I am being cold-hearted, but I think of all that I've been through with her and I remember I did what's best for me. Continue to take time for yourself and focus on your present. You have so much to accomplish with your Master's degree. Take time away from girls in general. When you are feeling strong and confident again, they will come running. Best wishes and keep in touch.

DCMann, You made the right choice in deciding to take time away from your ex to heal. That is the best thing for you to do right now. Sending the emails was fine, but the pressure is now on you to stick to your plan of No Contact. If you now go back on your words, it will make things more difficult and she will also lose respect for you. You will feel tempted in the near future to make contact to clarify things or just to say hello ... but it will help you to stay away. You two both need time to clear your minds and decide what's best. If you are constantly speaking with her, she will only feel justified in her actions. I always say ... our ex's know what life is like with us, now let them see what life is like without us. If she is with someone out of character, it shouldn't take long in seeing the mistake she is making. If not, you are better off without her. I know how hurt you feel right now ... but you must remain strong. Be with friends and family ... it helps. Try working out and running to get your mind off things. Everything seems easier said than done, but only time will heal your pain. Be strong. Best of luck.

Dogg, You haven't been lying to yourself ... you are worth it and more. You are allowing the defeat of this one woman in your life to determine your happiness. It is common to take rejection as worthlessness, but you must believe in yourself. The way you are thinking isn't going to be good for any woman in your life. You need to gain confidence in yourself again in order to be of worth. You have already have made changes and learned what you did wrong, now all that is left is healing. Lean on your friends and family for support. Once again, you WILL find someone to share your great qualities with and she will appreciate you. Be good to yourself.

Dogg, Don't disappear on us. We are all here to help one another and don't feel as though you are upsetting people. We just want you to be okay more than you know. I know how it feels to feel as you do. Not a day goes by that I don't wake up or go to bed with my ex on my mind. At times I feel as though I won't ever know anyone as amazing in my eyes as her. But the fact remains is that she doesn't love me anymore ... and that is more than enough to motivate me to move on. Sure, I would give anything to have her back as well, but the most important thing is to have myself back. You have lost so much of yourself in this relationship and you need to find yourself again and possibly re-invent yourself. Be happy that you have made changes because of this breakup. There is nothing you can do to show her you are a changed man. Just be happy that you are and apply it to your future relationships. You are only 27. That is a mature age to know who you are as a person and offer what you have to give to someone who is ready and deserving. So many people emphasize happiness and success in their lives through their relationships when the true meaning should lie within one's self. majord was right. Make the necessary changes for yourself, not to get this girl back. She is no good for you anymore if her heart is not in it. If she couldn't add you on MySpace, she definitely cannot provide you the love you are seeking. Life will not pass you by so hang in there and do what you need to heal ... you will have to eventually.

Dogg, By all means, please do what's best for you and completely remove this woman from your heart and life. I distinctly remember your story because we began our healing processes at the same time. I have not looked back and as much as it still hurts, I would be far worse had I kept pursuing. She has not been receptive to you at all in any way. You obviously have so much to offer and you are wasting your efforts on her. You need to recover and there is no way you can begin to move on if you keep in contact with her. I know it's hard, I know you're hurt, but forget her. You WILL find someone else ... just believe in yourself that you are more worthy to someone else who will reciprocate what you have to offer. Take care.