cranberry

Thanks for the replies, guys. Well he knows where I work, so I was wondering why he wouldn't drop in more often. And since he hasn't come by in a long time (about 1.5months), I take it he's not interested? One of my friends seems to think maybe he has, but it's either hit or miss--depending on if I am working or not.

Stinkweed, I think you handled the situation well already--you clearly got the message (after a while), shrugged it off, and it didn't stop you from talking to other girls about yearbook, myspace etc. So to sum it up...what you should do if a situation like this happens again: Well, for starters it's not the guy's fault if the girl starts the ignoring thing (Unless the guy is really weird, stalkerish, or something---but you weren't, so no worries there). Don't go out of your way to be super-nice to her--i.e., don't shout hi to her from accross a room party. If you bump into her or see her around, try not to act weird/uncomfortable, just be normal--say hi, maybe smalltalk but keep it short.

So a guy pursues & eventually asks out a girl. She doesn't like him like that(for whatever reason). She turns him down politely...and then the sudden ignoring begins. I think the sudden ignoring happens, because the girl doesn't know how to handle the situation now. I think part of it is she doesn't want to give you any signs that you might misinterpret and think that there is still hope--i.e., friendliness even in the form of friendship. So the girl probably thinks well if I ignore him, then I won't have to feel the guilt of having accidently led him on, and I won't have to reject him again. I don't think girls do the ignoring thing somuch on purpose, it just happens. The girl sees the guy the next day, doesn't really know how to handle the situation, still feels awkward about how he asked her out and she said no, and then ignoring seems like the easiest way to go. And the other part of the whole ignoring thing, I think has to do with lack of maturity. As Bluewolf wrote, this (see below) is a mature way of handling the situation. Also, the girl might be imagining something like, "Oh this guy seems to really like me a lot--aka too much", so by ignoring him, it will help him get over me. So as you said you couldn't understand why a girl just can't remain friends with you, I think the problem is the girl doesn't know that you just want to be friends (and only friends). She can't tell if you really have moved on after she turned you down, and/or if you're settling for friends in hopes that one day she will change her mind.

If he keeps looking at you plus his friends keep looking at you, I say the reason is because they are trying to look for signs that you like him. If they simply thought you were weird, they wouldn't look at you all the time. They must think you are cute, Next time you walk by him and he turns around to stare at you, then simply say, "Hi".

I thought this guy was really into me. I thought he was going to ask me out soon, but then our busy schedules got the best of us and we didn't talk for a few weeks (although we saw each other passing through (btw, he knew that I was busy at that time)). And now we no longer talk--because we don't have a reason to anymore (the subject we talked about ended)--and except for a little small talk a couple of weeks ago. I can't think of anything I did that could have turned him off... He doesn't seem like a shy guy. Before he approached me out of the blue (when I had given him no signs at all beforehand). And he knows where to find me if he does like me--which he has done before (which really surprised me). I can't approach him, b/c the only place I see him is at his work, and he is working/busy. These are the reasons I can think of: - he has read my other post about him and freaked out? But that post was very discrete, and the chances of him reading that are slim, right? - he has a girlfriend - he thinks I'm no longer interested--but I've been acting the same as I always have with him I think he is just not that into me, because if he wanted to see me he definitely knows where to find me. And like I said, he did it once before. Thanks for reading -cran

I don't think a guy needs to be reminded by the girl that he likes her. I don't think a guy forgets that he likes a girl. If you go to a small school, he could have found you (just as you found him) to talk to you if he wanted to. It seems like you're making all the moves, and he is nice about it, but I don't think he likes you the same way. If you couldn't get a vibe from him after 1h of talking, then I don't think there is the vibe there that you want. However, he did ask for your number...so if he really does like you, he will call. But if he said something like maybe I'll stop by or maybe I'll call you, then I wouldn't count on it--he was just being nice. If he doesn't call, or e-mail you back (any time soon) then I would move on. Unless he responds, I would stop e-mailing him. There are plenty of other guys out there that you will meet over the summer. Don't let one get you down.

When I used the word repercussion, I used it to describe behaviour that was non-receiving of flirting or non-reciprocating of flirting. In my case, my infliction of repercussion(s), the result of an action (his flirtiness), was like I said acting quiet or aloof--not reciprocating the flirtiness. I then regretted using the word repercussion, because I thought you took repercussions as meaning bad behaviour, and you saw this behaviour as arrogant. I corrected myself with what I meant with "repercussions", but it seemed like you still associated quiet with bad behaviour--being moody. So, since I had misread your initial post, I thought you were still referring to my behaviour in the situation as arrogant. I apologize for the misread.

Secondly, I don't disagree to DN's approach to look for the deeper meaning of my post such as an underlying problem. Afterall my title did read, "I feel like guys misunderstand me", and certainly an interpretation of that could be I need a tweak in my personality. And this is perfectly understandle. I've seen posts on here from other people, where they post their problems, and pin it on everone else but themselves. I bet DN has probably read some of my other (recent) posts where in one I basically described myself as being a horrible person, and in the other I described how I am critical of myself...so I'm betting his answers were biased accordingly. And if this was the case, considering my history in his replies was a very thoughtful/intelligent thing to do. From DN's approach, I learned that I should always consider my actions in any situation and how they affect others. I don't think I acted arrogantly in this situation, but I think my sudden unflirtiness threw the guy off, and confused him--and thus it wasn't fair for me to do that. I mentioned I get along with older guys better than guys my age, it's because older guys seem to be able to plug in more. I notice that they can handle talking to you one day flirty, and the next day just a normal conversation. And the shift from flirty to normal conversation is just as it so happens--it happens naturally (NOT part of a game, or on purpose--natural living). In cases like these, the older guy wasn't expecting me to be continuously flirty, just because earlier I had been. It seems like older guys can appreciate me for all my sides, i.e., the flirty side, and the serious side. And the conversations aren't awkward, because the guy doesn't blame himself for my natural transition from flirty to serious.

When I last replied (post #37), I did so without reading posts #29, 30, 31, 33, because for some odd reason they did not appear for me on the screen. I'm thinking it may have to do with the clock setting I have for eNotalone, which I have not changed to my correct timezone... Nevertheless, what I said in post #37, I'm still standing by. Yet I still don't see how I came accross as arrogant in the situation. Since when does being quiet = rude or arrogant? Or does nonflirty = arrogant? Or even worse, when does 'not reciprocating to another's flirtiness' = arrogant? I know this is against the rules of a so-called debate, but I need to take back some things I said, well not take back, but more like change/elaborate. Ok, from the top. The first day of the "situation" I came home feeling like this guy had expected me to be all-flirty, and when he didn't get the reaction he had hoped for, it was like it didn't even cross his mind that I have a life that doesn't revolve around him. I thought he was a jerk, just because I hadn't been there to entertain him, like he had expected. I thought, puh-lease, I certainly don't need this drama. And if a guy can't handle that I am not always "on", always flirty, or entertaining him, that I have my own life, then he can--I'm putting this bluntly, but I don't mean literally--drop dead for all I care. At the beginning of our encounter he was flirty, and when I didn't reciprocate, this was when the downfall occurred and he started rushing his answers (to my questions I had to ask him for something else) and he started avoiding eye contact. And then DN's post mentioned that it might have actually been my fault (i.e., I was arrogant). So, then I started to feel guilty, and the next time I saw him I planned on slipping it in that I was having a bad day the other day. Yet the next day, he ran into me, and he seemed sympathetic this time and we had a nice talk. I know I said at first that it wasn't like he was trying to make it up to me, but I think he did feel bad for his behaviour. I told myself that I had probably overanalyzed the situation, because in this convo we just acted like nothing awkward had happened the day before. I think we both felt it was our faults for what happened, but when we saw that the other had no hard feelings about it, it made each of us feel better. Thus, to keep myself from overanalyzing the situation and increasing my guilt, I told myself I had indeed overanayzed the situation. But when I look back on it again, I still see that he was rushing his answers with me and he did avoid eye contact--and he started doing all this when he realized I wasn't reciprocating the flirting. But I also still see (and feel the guilt) that I probably hurt his feelings for not reciprocating his flirtiness (because he is a sweet guy). And btw, during our encounter I did detect that he might have been irked that I wasn't so flirty this time, but since he was acting like he was in such a rush I couldn't really tell if it was due to me or something else--I was hoping that it wasn't due to me.

I admit being called arrogant felt like a slap in ma face...but I quickly realized that it didn't mean that as a person I'm (always) an arrogant just that my behaviour in the situation might have been arrogant. So, if I had been rude or mean to the guy, and then wonder why he backs off...well that is arrogant indeed. In my initial post, I see how that could have been interpreted as I didn't exactly define what I meant by "having a bad day" and I certainly stirred things up by using the word "repercussion" (--apparently, at times, using weird words in my vocabulary just to be different is more of a vice than a virtue). On the spectrum, bad day could have meant I threw a coffee in his face to I was completely mute. But I could have also without saying a word, thrown a coffee in his face just the same. thereforeeee, I clarified what I meant--quiet, no flirting. At the worst I know I looked upset/peeved, but no, I did not throw a coffee in his face. Btw, Two weeks ago I would never have thought this lil' instance/situation of mine would have turned into a lil' debate...lol.

I say she just feels guilty for the way she ended it with you. I do not think she is interested in you--at the least, as friends. And in this case, friends= don't hate me, or be rude to me next time I bump into you. As for you're response, I would keep it short, such as "Ok. No problem. See you around."

Perhaps I was mistaken for getting a lil upset when he didn't pick up the burden--that I was stressed out--by himself. Initially I was upset because like MissM had said, I felt like he became angry when I didn't flirt with him, and I wished that he could have plugged in more. But the next day I think he had realized that it wasn't him--I wasn't mad at him, uninterested--and that I was having a so-called bad day. I think we both felt bad for what happened. I mean we didn't fight or anything, but we both thought it was each our own fault for the awkward (or whatever you want to call it) situation. With DN's input, I realized that I did partly cause his over-reaction...but the guy got over it and so did I (I mean we both got over his over-reaction and we both got over my over-reaction). PS- No. I never said nor do I expect it to be all on the guy's shoulder. Like Miss M said, I "plug-in" for my friends and guys when they need it, and it would be nice if my friends and guys could do the same for me.

Nah, I don't think you're a coward. It's called a natural feeling. I think if you plan on saying something, of course it's nervewracking, and you'll be afraid it'll come out less casual than you intended. It's hard to say, "you have a crush on me, don't you" without turning red in the face--I know at the least I'd turn beet red. I like the idea of it, though...I'm not saying it wouldn't work, but it's hard to do. If you still can't do it then, I have a suggestion for an alternative approach...just continue talking/joking with him and such, but kick the flirting up a notch. Btw, I think it's a real good sign that he talks about you outside of gym class. And teasing is a good sign as well.

I admit it's hard not to be at least a little jealous of those girls with bigger boobs, but you know, there are other parts of a woman's body that make her physically appealing/attractive besides boobs. I read in a magazine the other day, Sandra Bullock said, "if you don't have the boobs, go for the butt". So, I guess you could go for the butt, to keep your mind off your boobs...but I hope that wouldn't be like replacing one thing with another. Also, on a similar note to what you first mentioned, if all women have insecurities about their body then this even includes the women "blessed with a chest". So, even if you did suddenly magically sprout boobs, do you really think that would be what makes you happy?