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hausser

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  1. Day 212 wow, I thought I was doing well at 4.5 months lol. Still tough, have unblocked her on FB though as I was being overly hostile and feel I have healed enough to accept that she's in a new relationship (or not).
  2. It happens all the time, it's just in the real world the vast majority of couples who recon don't post on eNA. It also DOESN'T happen a lot in the real world, and a lot of those don't come to eNA either. I know a girl who cheated MULTIPLE times on her boyfriend, and when I say that I mean slept with several men in a very short space of time, and they are happily back and have their first child now.
  3. Having a horrible week this week, for all sorts of reasons. Have dreamt about you at least twice, which is odd as I felt almost over you last week. Summer has turned into Autumn, it's near 4 am and the rain and wind are beating against the window. This time last year we'd have probably been in bed together, I certainly don't recall noticing any bad weather. Apart from you life is going pretty good. Two interivews this week, gym is going great and social life is starting to pick up. Was browsing tripadvisor and noticed the hotel we stayed in for my 27th which was horrendously depressing. I don't know why this loneliness has hit all of a sudden but it is sure has hit. Today has been the worst day I've had in weeks. I realised yesterday when out walking that the post BU contact you made was purely due to you feeling sorry for me, sorry for leaving. It all makes sense now. I know you are completely over me, but I still find it a bit of a mind * * * * that in that short space of time where we had that initial argument, and I told you to leave if you wern't happy, you managed to finalise everything and draw a line under it. Heck it was only like 3 hrs. We hadn't argued seriously for ages before that. You'd never been that final about anything before. You were always so kinda naieve. Well, you see I'm analysing something that happened 4 months ago now, which is pointless. I have to admit it seems like last week you were here, tidying things up, watching tv and sleeping in the bed. It's gone really fast, but not in a good way. On a plus point, I know this is reoccuring because I'm spending a lot of time on my own still despite the above points. Plus I have been feeling nauseous and generally off all day so am hoping it's some mild depression symptom from an illness, like you get with cold or flu sometimes. Trying to stay positive, I am having way more good days than bad these days.
  4. Missed you a lot this weekend. Had a sad dream about you last night. My god how my life has changed since we broke. I even slept with someone else Saturday night, but it hasn't made things easier I still miss you like crazy.
  5. Hey L****, Been missing you today. I wrote a massive message but re-reading it sounded pathetic so just to say, I miss your companionship like crazy. Shame we can't still be friends, have some great memories.
  6. I think I'm approaching around week 2 of NC, 2nd time around. Am not counting this time. Have finally thrown my old SIM card away, and I feel weirdly liberated by now knowing you're not going to call/text. Keep having some funny/fond memories of things we did together, not really deep pang "missing you" ones, but ones where I can smile to myself and even a little chuckle. I know you're long gone now, and I accept that now it's a shame we can't be friends though I know that would be a bad idea at the moment.
  7. Well Laura, our little dog was a year old today and not peep from you, you cold callous ****. You brought that dog here, you treated him like a baby and now not only did you not even enquire about him today you left ME to rehome him now. I saw you today driving past. I ignored you. Did check my phone when I got in as was half expecting something, but no. I will never, ever forgive you for putting me through this with him. Having to rehome him is on my mind 24 hrs a day, and will be the most hearwrenchin thing I have ever done. I can't even pet him without feeling guilty. It's been like a weight around my neck for the past 2 months. I'm done with worrying and stressing and fretting. I'm done with being lonely. I'm done with hoping for calls and texts that never come. God I hate you so much. My sim card is broken and in the bin now. I will never hear from you again, I can tell. If you wern't going to give in over your beloved dogs birthday, you ain't gunna give in for anything. I hope you are happy in your new life, with your new guy without a care in the world. But let me tell you this, I hope to god any feelings of guilt you have about putting me through this, bringing an animal into my life which I didnt ask for and now I have to get rid of after getting attached to him, I hope and pray those feelings of guilt are at least equivalent to what ive been through the last two months, ****.
  8. Well well well it's been almost 2.5 months since the initial breakup. That has gone surreally fast. Scary actually, to think I've been moping around this apartment pretty much on my own for two and a half long months. What an ass I was to think I could salvage it a few weeks after, when you were clearly already dating. Makes me think though, we had a recon around the 15th May, but by that point you must have least been heavily communicating with the guy...guess you knew you were never gunna really get back. What use is anlysing gunna do anyway. 2.5 months of long lonely walks with the dog. 2.5 months of an empty bed. 2.5 months of a phone so quiet I may as well not have it frankly. Damn, how it go so quick. End of July will be 3 months and that's REALLY scary. That's getting into distant memory category as far as you're concerned. Was thinking last night when I was drunk how different you were now to the old L****. When I text to tell you to leave me in peace, you actually did. That was following over 30 days of NC. The old you would have been texting back regardless, wanting to stay in touch. How did I put you off that much? How did you become so empowered? Not really a difficult question. You live at home now, you have £££, a job, a car good friends. What do I have? Next to nothing. And you knew that. Thanks a bunch. You also know I have to rehome my beleoved dog now, thank god he's going to a good home. Perhaps I should have kept quiet, you may came around eventually. But then what? Waiting every day for a text that may have never came? Nah I did the right thing. I'm throwing my SIM card away soon, and have purged FB so you will have no means of contact, not that you would anyway. I really need to meet someone else, that is the only way to get over you, I know this from past experience. I hope you get a reality check soon and realise that you actually had quite a good thing here. I was watching some youtube music videos last night, and it struck me the last time I watched them was when I was with you. It was a weird thought as it made me wonder why I didn't watch them with you. We weren't THAT close as a couple. I never truly opened up to you, and you to me. We couldn't drink together and looking back with that great thing call hindsight, you can see now our breaking up was almost inevitable. Just wish I'd been in a stronger position, socially and economically, if I had, like you I'd be pretty much over you know, of that I am sure. 2.5 months of long, lonely walks with the dog, knowing you wern't going to be there when I got in. I miss that a lot. I miss having someone to talk to. I miss the pointless, almost compulsive phonecalls. LOL and to think I was thinking about telling you not to ring so much a few weeks before we broke up....the irony, now you don't ring at all. I'm so friggin' lonely it's not even funny. Some days I can go the whole day without speaking to anyone.
  9. Day 29. Saw pictures of you yesterday on FB, and felt very little in emotion, weird as I assumed NC wasn't working as well as I'd hoped but apparently it is.
  10. Well, it's been damn near a month since I spoke to you, and over a month since I saw you last. Crazy. The acute pain and wondering has gone but I am sad now. Very sad. I can't believe you've held out this long, you MUST have another BF by now. It's so out of character. NC has got easier but I do miss you, i'd be lying if I said I didn't. That being said, nowhere near enough to get in touch with you. Been having a lot of dreams about you lately. Never realised how tough life would be without you. You know, I realise it's more about being lonely than it being about you. Contacted S yesterday, trying to make myself feel better and got nothing in return. Seeing rejection everywhere. No one wants to know man it's getting me down.
  11. Day 26. Missing her quite a lot. Am so lonely it's unreal. Noticed her sister has added my old ex on the dreaded FB, which means my "new" ex must have moved on as that would never have happened before, they hated each other. I don't really analyse things anymore but I do wonder what she's doing.
  12. Day 24. Got a bit easier than a few days back which went back tough. Am getting angry again.
  13. It's been 22 days of NC and am feeling rough today, physically and mentally. Lot of things are reminding me of you. Films, people we knew mutually. I don't miss in the sense I want you back I'm just amazed how you managed to turn off all contact yourself, I never thought you would last this long and makes me sad thinking you could harbour enough negative feelings to become that detached. I must admit I am becoming curious as to your whereabouts, I looked on your sisters FB earlier. I know I'm setting myself up for a fall but I did it anyway. Same * * * * ty situation social wise, this is the biggest problem. I won't break NC but I do miss you today L****. Being in this flat this time of year just reminds me of when we first moved in, almost a year ago. God, what a difference a year makes eh?
  14. Cheriex is does get better, promise! Just hold on in.
  15. Yeah I'm with you on that. I'm day 21. Whilst I don't MISS her. you know the whole heart wrenching thing I do still wonder what the hell went through her head when she decided she'd had enough. I haven't even seen her in over a month.
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