CandleInTheWind

I think that asking to go along or to visit when she's on one of these trips is a really good idea. See what her reaction is when you mention it. You've been together for quite a while so I'm sure you know her signs of distress or uneasiness. For instance, if she gets defensive or nervous, won't look into your eyes, or shoots down the idea very quickly then your feeling could be right.

I really don't like to judge people..... but I feel the need to be completely honest and straight forward with you about my take on your situation. I think there is a much bigger problem here than the pregnancy.... I think your main problem is that your mom has way too much control over you. From reading your post it seems like she's the more influential cause of all of your stress. You seem to recognize this to an extent....but you're scared to take a stand and do something about it. But just think, if your mom was supportive of you.... would you feel THIS BAD? I'm sure if she was there for you during this hard time, you would at least not feel like taking your own life..... Just envision how much better you would feel right now if your mother said to you: "I know you've made a mistake, but you are my son, I am here for you, and I will help you get through this". Would you be in this much of a crisis if you felt you had support? It seems like your mother's feelings make or break your happiness. Of course everyone wants the best for their child.... and you will always be her child whether your 5, 20, or 50. Of course she is going to have some impact on your life.... but...... it seems like your mom doesn't know how to love you UNCONDITIONALLY. She is just rubbing salt in your wounds right now. Your girlfriend is pregnant. What's done is done. Instead of ragging on both you and her, your mom needs to accept the situation and try to be supportive of your decisions. And they are YOUR decisions....you are an adult. Your mom is also in denial....it's pretty silly to think that your girlfriend is making this up..... so let's give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt and assume she IS pregnant....what your mother says about your girlfriend trying to "trap you" seems irrational. For one, it takes 2 people to have sex, so unless your girlfriend secretly stole your sperm and inseminated herself.... there are 2 people that have caused this pregnancy. ...so it doesn't seem like it's fair to say your girlfriend tried to "trap you"....because that, in essense, blames her for the whole pregnancy. I think you should still travel abroad with your girlfriend. I think getting away from your mom for a little while could do you some good. It will give your family time to cool off....and it will give you and your girlfriend time alone to talk without outside influences. Don't cancel the trip because your mother told you not to go.... you have to stop LETTING her walk on you. When it comes down to it, you need to let your mother know that although you love her very much, you are an adult and will make your own decisions. If you stay strong....I think your mother will eventually come around....I don't know of one grandmother that did not light up when they saw their grandchild....she has to come around sooner or later. I'm at least glad to hear that your girlfriend's mother is supporting her. I hope your mother comes to accept this and follows the example. One more thing: Taking your life is certainly NOT the answer to this. You'll just end up hurting your own mother immensely, hurting your girlfriend, and leaving an innocent child fatherless.

lovekitty, I understand where you're coming from. I grew up with a very good friend that would act similar to your step sister. It can be very annoying. But give her the benefit of the doubt: She may not even realize that she seems flirty around your boyfriends. She might be jealous of you and unconfident about herself, so she feels like she proves something if she gets a 2nd look or a flirt from your boyfriend. But this could be at the subconscious level. Have you ever talked to her about it when she acts like this? Of course you can't stop them from talking to one another. Talking in and of itself is harmless. But you seem very concerned that it could lead to more. Since this is such a concern to you, I believe that there must be some validity in what you're saying. Maybe she does try to rain on your parade. There ARE some manipulative people in this world, both female and male, who seek gratification in pursuing people that are "taken". From those that I personally know who are like this- they seem to enjoy the chase and challenge....it somehow boosts their self-esteem. You need to talk to her about this in a way that is not threatening. Tell her it concerns you.Sh is your sister for the long haul.... you need to reslove theses things now before you start harvesting angry feelings towards her.Don't let it turn into something worse I do agree with others that you also seem to have some confidence issues going on. You need to be secure with yourself and assure yourself that if this guy is really into YOU then your stepsister or any other woman will not take him away from you. If you think he can be swayed by your stepsister so easily(or anyone) then he is obviosuly not the one for you.

A flat stomach and sculpted abs start in the kitchen. You need to eat healthy foods and have a well balanced diet and drink a lot of water (at least 8 glasses a day). Cardiovascular exercise at least 3 times a week is also crucial. Doing your cardio first thing in the morning on an empty stomach is also more effective for burning maximum calories. One program that is excellant for sculpting your stomach is : link removed If you do some of the ab boot camp exercises on a stability ball, the effect will be even greater. At first you might notice that your stomach will actually seem bigger because you'll end up acquiring muscle mass under your layer of abdominal fat. Building up your obliques can make your "love handles" more prominent at first. But if you stick to your diet, cardio, and sculpting plan you eventually will see a difference. Abdominal fat is the most stubborn to get rid of. It's usually the first place you gain weight and the last place you lose weight. You can get rid of it but it takes dedication and patience. How do I know? -I'm very very happy to say I just got rid of mine. But it took about 15 weeks to flatten my stomach about 24 weeks to get the definition I wanted.... It's tough- but you'll feel great after. 8)

One of the best ways to find the career that is right for you is to experiment in different fields and see what you have a "passion" for. The saying "you don't know until you try" really has some merit in this situation. Work or volunteer in different careers. See if you can "job shadow" someone to see what their typical work day is like. If you know you already have a passion for web design, don't let others discourage you. Everyone you talk to (friends, family, strangers) are all going to have their opinions on what you should do....however...when it comes down to it....YOU'RE the only person who actually has to live with your career choice....so you need to listen to YOUR heart. Follow your passion and regard all the rest as temporary background noise. It will eventually go away once people see that you are serious about your goal.

It seems like 2 things are happening (or should I say not happening here). #1) You're not having an orgasm (for many women- the act of sex alone does not accomplish this- there are other physical and mental aspects that have to come in to play...for some women the constant "in and out" of intercourse alone sometimes misses the the mark and just doesn't cut it. ...so that's why you're not enjoying it. Having an orgasm also makes your body more lubricated and the senation of intercourse is much more enjoyable that way. #2) You've lost your connection/chemistry physically with your boyfriend. The 2 of you need to communicate and experiment to discover more about yourselves sexually. You were both virgins when you met, so there's a lot to be learned. You can learn together. ...but this requires communication and you might have to work at it, especially if either or both of you are embarrassed about the topic. But learning together will bring you closer together. Your boyfriend must sense that you're not getting anything out of it, and it must make him feel uncomfortable also. I wouldn't go so far to say that he's a "bad lover" (he just lacks experience)....but sexual fulfillment should not be the sole responsibility of only one partner. You both need to work together on this. Good luck!

All I can say is that I had something similar happen in my life before.... and the only thing that cured it for me was TIME. I eventually didn't think about it anymore, but it took quite a while for me to get to that point. The best advice I can offer is don't bring it up constantly. You'll just cause yourself to relive the anger/jealousy every time, and it will push him away. If he is committed to you and he is not showing signs of being unfaithful, try to TRUST him and move on. Even though you were "broken up" at the time, this was very hurtful to you and you have to go through a healing process. You'll probably have it in your mind for a while- but don't bring it up every time you think of it- there's no point in "kicking a dead dog".... Eventually , if his actions and his words show he's trustworthy and you're the only one on his mind, you will get over this, it just might take a little while.

Sorry to hear about your marital problem. I think the two of you need to do some serious talking. You also need to approach the topic in a very sensitive manner. When men are pressured to perform, it weakens their sexual desire and sexual performance. You don't want to make him embarrassed or hurt his self-esteem . Maybe the first step is just to get back to enjoying being in close physical proximity to one another. Cuddeling, sensual massage, talking a bath together. These are all things you can do to re-connect with one another, and they don't necessarily have to lead to sex. The key is to feel comfortable and relaxed around one another. The most important thing is to let him know how you feel and also find out how he feels. If the situation doesn't get any better then counseling would be the next step. I hope it all works out!

I don't think it's advisable to stay together only "for the kids" ....but from what you wrote, It sounds like you already wanted to be with her in the future before this pregnancy even occurred. So if there's ever a time you need to be there for her, it's definitely NOW. Don't rush into a marriage if it doesn't feel comfortable. Just be there for her and take things one day at a time. You especially have to do what is best for you and your future child, not what is best for your parents. You are going to BE A PARENT....so now you have a new family to make your first prority. Moving might be the best decision for you, your girlfirend, and your future child. These are things you need to discuss with her in great detail. One thing is for sure: While "long distance" relationships may work on a romantic level, they don't work with a parent-child relationship. You need to be deeply involved in your child's life (whether you move, or she moves, etc). Honestly though, as a woman if I were pregnant I'd want to be close to my mother when I went through that experience, so I don't expect her to want to move to where you are. You might have to be the one to make the move. She will be dealing with a lot of things: the physical aspects fof the pregnancy, caring for a newborn, potential post-partum depression...etc. It's my opinion that she may need her family nearby more than you would during this time. You sound very attached to your parents. That is good because they can serve as a reliable source of support and love for you, but it can be bad if it keeps you from doing what you need to do in this situation. If your parents love you as much as you seem to love them, they will support you through this experience, and they will understand if you have to re-locate. You need to be there for this baby, and it is going to take sacrifice on your part. That is what parenting is all about. The good thing is that it sounds like both you and your girlfriend want this child, you're just a little scared. That's all very normal. You are young, but you at least completed college and you are in love with the mother of your child, so this can work. This doesn't have to be "bad" news. Things don't always go as planned in life, and it's ok. Sometimes you just need to "go with it". This baby could be a blessing to you. I really wish you the best!!!

El Cid, Human sexuality is very complex. I think it's normal that you fluctuate in your preferences sometimes. You might find that you are reacting more to the personalities of the people you interact with. That could be one reason why one day you might find yourself really attracted to a particular woman or another day it will be a man. Although I am not "bisexual", I do know people that have struggled with their sexuality. I definitely believe there is truth in the idea that sexuality falls on a spectrum. It's not as black and white as society wants it to be. There is a lot of grey. Check out this theory by Kinsey on the spectrums of sexuality: link removed Although it is just one theory....It might shed light on your feelings. You are fortunate because seem to be more in touch with your inner self than most 17 year-olds. It's OK to be confused sometimes. You don't need to know anything "for sure" right now. You'll learn more about yourself and about what you enjoy sexually with time. I think that the most important thing is that you must respect your mind and your feelings, and also your body. (i.e. use protection if you experiment whether it's with a female or male). Hope this helped.

First of all, you are not ignorant and naive....you are human. You love this person, and love can often make you blind. It's a reality for all of us. (Trust me I know, I've been in fool in my own relationship before) But you have proven that you are strong and intelligent by having the courage to post your personal experiences here. It sounds like this guy is very emotionally unstable. He's mature in years and immature in his heart. He can't figure out what he wants from one day to the next. It seems he can't be trusted. I think this is part of his PERSONALITY and not his AGE There are plenty of men who grow older gracefully without the "mid-life crisis". I think "mid-life crisis" is just an excuse people/society use to hurt others and try to get away with it. Don't ever except his manipulative behavior as being the result of a "mid-life crisis". It's the result of conscious decisions he makes to be selfish and hurtful. This is just my opinion: I think you should end it with him. I know it's not easy but you have to GET RID OF HIM. I'm sure you've heard this before, but you're 25 years old, there are a lot of fish in the sea. I don't think you should waste any more of your time with this one. Most importantly, I don't think you should have a child with him. He already has 3 kids of his own, and has shown in many ways that you are not a high proiority in his life. He is playing games with you. If he treats you like this now, I dont' think he'll be a supportative partner and father if you have his baby. Get away now, while you still can. If you have a child with this man, you will be stuck having him and his selfish behavior in your life FOREVER. Worst of all, an innocent child will be the one who suffers the most. You deserve a good man who genuinely wants to marry you and have a child with you. They are plenty out there...you just have to untie yourself from this one and give yourself a chance to meet a good guy. the more time you waste with this one....The more you limit your opporunities and lose years off of YOUR life. You don't want to up troubled like him when you are older. Create a good life for yourself now. You deserve no less.

trulyDee, Not all men are like that. I know it's probably frustrating....but try to think of it as a great filtering mechanism..... be glad that these particular guys are showing you where their minds are early on.... so at least they're not wasting MORE than 20 minutes of your valuable time. They let you know right away that they're not someone that you want to date. I know you'll find men who don't bring up sex in the first 20 minutes. Hang in there!

It sounds like some kind of allergy or skin infection. The scratching and shampooing is probably irritating it even more. You should definitely see a doctor and get it taken care of. She/he can prescriibe you something to heal it and also something to stop the itch. Good luck

I am trying to figure out why you are driving him away if you really want to be with him. It seems like you are only needlessly hurting the both of you. It doesnt' seem like that was a legitmate reason to leave him. Give him a chance to stand by your side during your hard time. Unless there is more to this story that you did not post???? It seems that if he loves you he would stay with you during your medical procedures, so there's no need to push him away. I don't know what kind of biopsy you are referring to, but recently a good friend of mine got a biopsy to screen her for cervical cancer and precancerous cells because she had an abnormal papsmear . I'm not sure if you're in the same situation. Although it stressed her out a lot, my friend's procedure went fine -but it did require that she abstain from sex for a little while. Other than that it did not place a burden on her relationship with her boyfirend, so I don't think you'd be "bringing him down" with your problems. If he loves you , it's likely that he won't think so either. He's probalby more down now because you left him. He is probably hurt and confused right now. Don't wait for him to come back. If you really want to be with him I think you need to apologize for pushing him away and then try to work things out. Best of luck.

You're not being overly suspicious at all....the clues are all there....I think she's even tried to get your opinion on it by giving out info about her crush on Jennifer Lopez....she probably figured that telling you she fantasizes about a celebrity (someone unreachable and considered almost universally attractive) would make it simpler..... but it seems to be getting quite complicated....this other woman is someone in "real life" that she knows and sees. You have the right to confront her. Cheating is cheating- whether it's with a person of the opposite OR same sex. I would not be surprised if she has already experimented. The problem is not with her sexual preferences....if that's who she is then that's fine- but what's wrong is that she is hiding things from you (those text messages are pretty telling....) and in essense is stringing you along. The age of the people she choses to be romantically involved with also is a bit of a concern. You are younger than her...which is fine.... but I think she's really pushing it with that 21 year-old.... I think you need to confront her about this- and maybe you'll be able to work it out- or maybe you'll need to go your separate ways.... It may be for your own good- then you could find someone closer to both your age and your morals....