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healing

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  1. Chip, There is no way to know what her intentions are (in terms of why she contacted you) unless you ask her directly...even then, she may not know herself why she reached out. If you think you are ready to talk with her, I would suggest a face to face meeting. I would not advise email, because you will not be able to make eye contact, see her body language, hear the tone in her voice, etc.
  2. If you are interested in getting to know her, get to know her. Eye contact can be incredibly unreliable. She could be extremely shy, and thereforeeee her eye contact will not reflect her true feelings of attraction at all. You have a common interest, so go from there. She might want a new friend, or maybe more...time will tell! If you are attracted to her, let it show!
  3. Ask her out! Don't do the push/pull thing...that's a game. If you don't want her to play games with you, DON'T play games with her.
  4. Hey Lisa, I think that it was a healthy decision to not contact him. Don't forget, he is spreading lies. I think that book (Women Who Love Too Much) will give you plently to think about. I don't think love is enough. There has to be respect, trust, compatibility, similar value and beliefs, and so on. You want a healthy relationship, right? The fact that you are posting here, thinking about all of this, reading, etc...shows that you are willing to do the work that it takes...and what is he doing? He is going around spreading rumours and gossip! Actions speak louder than words. Keep strong and good luck! Journalling helps a lot too!
  5. Is it possible that you had feelings for him that were more than friendship? I'm just wondering.
  6. I think he is trying to save face. He doesn't want people to think he is the 'bad guy', so he is going around spreading his version of the story first. I don't think he is giving any consideration to your feelings or your reputation whatsoever! I think that you are better off without him. How could you ever trust him again? He is telling lies to people to make himself look good! You know, they say that you really find out who someone is after you break up with her/him. I suggest total 'no contact'. No matter what you say, this guy will twist it around and spread it around. I don't think giving him something in writing is a good idea, unless you want that passed around too!
  7. The first month is very hard. Actually, I think the first 60 days were teh worst for me - and then things really started to get better. I think that 'no contact' is a great way to get clarity and to see the relationship more objectively.
  8. ...wow, I think I've heard it all now! Hey, whatever works for you! If it's over, it's over though. You will have to find a way to move on. I suggest 'no contact' if you are serious about letting go and healing from this loss. Good luck to you!
  9. If you were told not to call or contact her, I think that you have to respect that. Write the letter. Read it over several times. Put it aside for a few days, then read it again to see if you need to add anything. If it feels 100% right in your heart to send it, then send it. Keep in mind, she might show this letter to people, so be very sure that this is what you want to do. Also, it is not enough to just say 'sorry', you have to show it with your actions as well. Good luck to you!
  10. crymeariver, I agree with what you are saying. If someone doesn't want you, it's her loss. Why waste any more time and energy on the 'wrong' woman? You have a life to live! I'd rather be single than be with the wrong person ever again!!! Good luck to you!
  11. I did 'no contact' to heal when a relationship ended. I am still doing 'no contact' because I think that it is what is best for me. The relationship wasn't healthy, the friendship wasn't healthy, we just are not compatible, even as friends. I think that doing 'no contact' in hopes someone will call is game playing and not honest at all. I think that if someone has thought about it, and truly wants to get back with his ex, he should contact the person and say so. If she says 'no', then it is time to move on. This is when 'no contact' should be used, in order to heal and get over it. Brandell, from what you describe, I think that 'no contact' will help you to let go and heal. The emotional rollercoaster is damaging, and it is perhaps time to get off the ride all together. She sounds messed up, she doesn't seem to know what she wants. You are better off without these mixed messages! I agree that if a relationship is meant to be, and the two people are compatible, it will happen at the right time. Timing is really important! Good luck!
  12. I suggest you have a talk with her and tell her how you are really feeling...who knows...she may be feeling the same way. You will never know if you just walk away... If she doesn't feel the way you do, then I would suggest you do 'no contact' or very little contact, until you have gotten over your romantic attachment to her.
  13. Ask her out to lunch, and go to a place that's near the school. Get to know her before asking her out on a more romantic date.
  14. If she meets with you behind her bf's back, guaranteed she will do the same to you one day. Is that the kind of gf you want? She might have an open relationship with her bf...they may date other people. Ask her about this, so that you know where you stand.
  15. I think you should call on Tuesday...if you wait too long, you will come accross as not very interested. I would wait 2 to 3 days max. It really depends on her though, and she doesn't seem like the 'go slow' type so far, considering the kissing etc. You probably could have called her the next day! Asking in advance is very respectful, and she'll appreciate that.
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