crapie

My first ex bf and I had a brutal break up 7 years ago (he cheated). We tried to be friends during those years after the break but the friendship didn't last. I decided to stop communitcating with him by any means 2 years ago. He has been married since then. We have a mutual friend whom I am a good friend with. My ex and I get to know about each other through this friend but not often. Today, my ex added me to his contact list on a chat messenger. What do I do? He probably heard that I have had a difficult time but I am fine really. There has been a bumpy road but I don't need any sympathy from him. What should I do? I appreciate your thoughts.

The time is running out and I have to be in town very soon (in 2 weeks). The cheapest hotel in town that I checked was over $70 a night which I couldn't afford it (eh, poor student). Your advice is nice and I think I should set the rules, basically no nothing and live as roommates.

So, we ended it. Here is the link of what that has happened. I finally could get a hold of him and he said we should talk. He started with all the craps that he really liked to spend time with me and really cared about me. I got it straight to the point and asked if he saw me by his side in his future. He said NO. He explained things and said that he had thought whether he could spend the rest of his life with me. Part of him said yes but he was not sure about it, so he wanted to go date others and didn't want me to wait for him. I was paralized and cried all day and my eyes hurt such that I couldn't even cry anymore. He said he wanted to be friend. I told him it would be too hard for me to be just friend with him. Since then we haven't talked to each other. Now, here is the problem. I have to be in town (where he is) for a very important test. I don't have any close friend who I can stay with for a few weeks in that town. I mean I have some friends but they are not that close such that I ask for place to crash for that long. I also cannot afford to pay for a hotel room for weeks. He said I could stay at his place if I needed it. I know that he wouldn't be dating any one while I am in town coz by that time it will be only 3 weeks from the break up. So, I am not worried about having to leave the place if he invited someone home. My another option is to ask friends and stay at their places, for example one week for each friend but that will be very hectic since I will have to study for the test and having to hop around with a big suitcase when I have no transportation will be a big problem. Our attractions (at least physically) to each other are still so damn great. We always had fantastic sex. We are like a magnet for one another. We tried to be friends before, but ended up getting back together because we couldn't sit around each other being just friends. I know that he will respect if I say no when he approaches me. I am just afraid that I will be weak and give in. He has an empty bedroom which I am thinking of staying in if finally I stay there. I actually am still really into him and this may be the last time that I see him in this life. Our break up was not bad and we were not yelling but talking with respect and reasons. I am, however, afraid that my stay will put us in an awkward situation. I know that he will be a loving and caring person while I am there but my question is really if I should stay there. I have no where to turn to. Please, any suggestion would be really really appreciated.

Thank you. Yes, he is my everything but I also want to be with someone who wants to be with me. I think he is the one but people say there are a few the ones out there, not only one.

True. Thanks for your insight. I just deleted his number and blocked him on the IM!

I understand what you meant. What wonders me is why all a sudden he changed after he came to visit. I knew that he had something going on in his life (mostly work) and I also knew that one of his very long term best friends just got back town so they probably hung out a lot. What I don't understand is why he came to visit if he didn't want to keep this going. I stuck my pain inside and tried to move on when I relocated. He was the one who reached out and wanted to keep this going. It is just so painful to see him drifting apart. I want to talk to him either for a good ending or for a break up but it is just he is not available. When I called him I almost felt like I always caught him at the wrong time or something.

We are in our 30's. In the conversation before I moved I told him I was in love with him (this was not new to him, he knew it as I told him once or twice when we lived in the same area) and thought that he was the one. I told him I would like to work this out 'if' he had some feelings for me.

Well, I desperately need some advices here. Here is the story. I dated a guy for 2 years. The last few months was a long distance because I had to move to another country. I loved him with all my heart but before I moved I wished him a good luck and told him that if we met again it would be as friends. I told him that to set us free because it would be illogical for me to move back there or for him to move to where I am now (visa, work, etc.). He didn't say anything and kept quiet. I started my life in the new country and tried to be happy. We, however, have maintained contact through technology (chat, video call) mostly he initiates it. After a few months of being apart, I felt like we were still together because he acted as if we were still together. He threw the I missed you out there so many times and we literally talked almost every day. He even came to visit once for a short period of time and we had a great time together. Since then he started to be very quiet. Not calling or chatting with me as much. I called him to ask (in a nice way) if there was anything wrong and he said he was stressed out with a situation at work. Since that call, he became very very quiet. He would come online but never initiate a conversation with me. Our conversations (I initiated of course) were very brief and he would have some excuses to go (like he was tried, he had to go out with friends, he had someone at the door). Note that he did this before (quiet and ignoring me) and when I asked him about it he said wanted to go see if the grass was greener on the other side. At the time we broke up for a few months and he later wanted to come back, so we were back together. I tried to be patient with him, not asking what was wrong, not bothering him and trying to give him space. However, it has been a month since he started this behavior. He doesn't let me know what is bothering him or if he still wants to keep this going. It is killing me inside being left in the dark. For the worst case I even think that he wants to dump me but doesn't have a nerve to do so and he is waiting for me to do the job for him. What should I do? Please help. Thank you very much.

But he was the one who always wanted to hold hands in public when we first dated or even when we first got back together. May be that was the illusion version of him? He really acts as a bf when we are inside and as a friend when we are in public.

We kind of talked about it casually. I notice that he is more open emotionally and verbally and so do I. Before the break up we could just sit and eat dinner with some smiling here and there and a few sentences of talking but since we got back together I notice that we usually can carry on some nice conversations throughout the dinners. He is not talkative and I usually have to be the one who initiates the conversation.

Hi all, I would like to hear your thoughts about this situation. My bf and I are together for a year now. We were together for 6 months, he broke it off for 6 months wanting to see if the grass was greener at the other side and citing our comunication problem. Then he wanted to get back together and we are back together until now (in total we have known each other for 1.5 years). We never have any argument and everything is somewhat pleasant. One thing that I notice nowadays is that he is less affectionate in public, e.g., no holding hands, although there are some kissing here and there but most of them are on the cheeks usually when we are at a bar drinking. Whenever we are in one of our apartments, there would be some touching, some massages and holding hands usually when watching TV and when we are sleeping. So I am wondering if this is a sign of something. It could be that he is stressed out with work but when we first dated he used to be more affectionate than he now is. I know that he has a lot of pressure and responsibility at work and he even talks about it even though he normally does not. Apart of this affectionate thing, any other thing else is fine. Our sex life is amazing and our communication picks up. I don't want to read into this too much but it hits me because it seems like he is a different person when we are in public. What do you guys think? I would appreciate your thoughts about this.

Sorry for the confusion. I got on top of him and his 'beep' (another part, not the finger) was inside me for a while. I felt bad because I got him SO turned on (we never ever discussed about it at all it just happened) but told him not to move because I wanted to be in charge. He tried to be on top of me a couple times but I didn't let him. I am afraid he wouldn't want to try it next time. Eh, we never had sex during the period. I am not offended by the idea but whenever I told him I was on my period, he never tried to enter. And this was the first time my anal sex failed. I really enjoyed it when I was with my ex bf.

We are two straight adults in an exclusive relationship and usually he initiates the sex most of the time. Things got so spicy last night and we couldn't have vaginal sex due to my period, my hands found their way to his back door area and so did his hands. Basically I initiated the anal sex with him. Was it bad? It was our first time for anal sex. We didn't get it done but we were there for quite some time before we decided to stop and we got up to shower and came back to bed for some other actions. I felt embarrassed for initiating it but couldn't get it done. He didn't say anything though, rather he gave me a hug and some kisses.

Thank you. He didn't say anything but I think he felt like I put the burden on him by telling him that. I told him not to worry and the reason I told him was because I just needed to tell him. I also told him that I didn't expect anything except that I could completely move on.

I hung out with my ex this weekend. It was the 4th time since we broke up a year ago. We broke up becauase he said he didn't know me well and couldn't rush into a serious relationshiup. We had a nice romantic dinner and I ended up spend a night. We had great ever sex (I know many of you disagreed with this) and after that we talked about it. We agreed that we should not sleep together but the problem was we were so into each other physically. We were able to talk openly about 'us' for the first time. I got everything off my chest. I told him I was in love with him and I still am. I told him he had nothing to do with it, I would take care of it and move on. I had been waited for a year just to tell him this. There was no 4 letter word coming out his month and I totally understood. I felt great about it. I had been wanting for today for a long time. I got to say everything I needed to say. I don't want to see him again and I am now so ready to move on.