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GymSweetie

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  1. I did the ab thing when i was 16 yo. i am now 46. 30 yrs later, i live to regret my decision. i still feel the spirit of my unborn child. i sooo wish i had chosen another option, like ad-option. the guilt is something i have to live with for the rest of my life-abortion attaches bad karma. if the father wants the baby, the decision should be mutual. i would definitely seek input from him.
  2. Hello Everybody! The most wonderful thing happened today! To sum it up...I was married and became involved with my adoring, commitmentphobic best friend. I won't go into what went wrong in my marriage because it has all been iterated in previous threads (long story). I am currently separated from my husband and still in the middle of divorce. My fwb had broken off with me over a year ago and said he wanted to remain friends. It wasn't easy (somebody told me once-nothing good ever came easy.) There were alot of tears at first, periods of NC-even still, a continuous letting go, ups & downs, days I thought I couldn't get through, jealousy... Then, six weeks ago he took me out and kissed me goodnight. It has been a very slow process, but, we perservered & stayed friends, despite all you skeptics. I am living proof it can be done! We are still best friends. He is my best friend/soulmate/lover. We are not yet bf/gf... But, he finally said what I knew all along............... Today, he told me he loves me! btw...Hi Ara aka Muneca!
  3. hi, it has been exactly 1 yr since i have been where you currently are. as i am fem, i can reveal where your fwb is coming from. do you realize how vulnerable she is? she cares enuf about you as a friend to open up the most intimate part of herself to you. if you were to get a real gf i guarantee you will find that your fwb is in love with you and she would be crushed! she would probably leave the scene for a while to heal. you see when you sleep with a woman more than once, she cant help but develop feelings and hope for a relationship. the dynamic of the "friendship" changes when sex is added to the mix. btw if you add communication, you then have a relationship. you are at a tricky point where things will never be the same. do you a. continue and tradeoff the friendship for a relationship (ie committment/ communication/lose a friend-gain a lover/gf)? b. break off the whole thing (resulting in pain, heartache & suffering)? c. try to be just friends with a sexual undertone (very difficult, yet not impossible-she may oppose or accept) or d. try to remain fwb's (why? if you are developing feelings for her? who cares what other people think.) decisions, decisions.
  4. Hi All, Just a quick update... Went to adult gym yesterday. Everything is fine. The bonding started to happen the second I walked thru the door (we both have colds, miserable, etc...). But, because I have a new outlook on the "relationship". ie...He & I are no longer friends, we are now just 2 professionals who work/workout at the same gym. We had sex and that's all it was. I wrote out a list of all the things that bothered me about him as suggested in another post and then I went out & enjoyed a movie. It really helped and I am feeling much better. No tears yesterday. Even saw a real smile looking back at me in the mirror this morning. I don't know if he & I will have the chat. I know I am moving on and that's what matters.
  5. Thank You Amethyst! Thanks for all the time you've devoted to this topic. I really do appreciate your input. I sent word to him tonight that I am going to attend adult gym class on Thursday. I completely agree that the situation calls for the utmost discipline, tact and diplomacy. It is going to require every ounce of character strenght I have to resist the tendency to bond with him. I agree wholeheartedly that it is not easy to stay friends after a break-up. There is that fine line between love and hate called indifference. Should I stand up to him, I am concerned about the following.... Sounds like a catch-22. If I voice my intention, he will be hurtful. If I dont voice my intention, he will also be hurtful. I've been contemplating a straightup chat to solidify our friendship. Just telling him that he & I can never be more than friends again. (Believe it or not, that's where I was headed with the "I still care about you chat last Thursday".) Do you think that might give me closure? Or would it just give him more reason to hurt me?
  6. Ok, I purposely omitted my marital status because I didn't feel it was relevant to the discussion. It's not like I am trying derive information on how to cheat. I am only trying to gain advice on how to remain friends with a guy I cared about enough to be intimate with. A special friend I've known 5 years whom I feel is worth the effort. Like you said he's moved on and it's best I do to. That is what I have been trying to do for the past 4 months. I have forsaken the idea of being more than friends but I refused to accept disrespect from him or anybody else. Married or Not.
  7. Yes, I am married-now going thru divorce. It's all in my previous posts. I refuse to reiterate every detail in my new posts. Amethyst wrote I told him earlier last Thursday that I'm happy for him that he has a girlfriend (and, I am.) & that he has been able to maintain a relationship with her for the past 4 mosHe said, "big deal 4 months & I'm ready to bail; 4 mos is about the longest I can stand to be with in a relationship- I'm miserable & want out." That was after I told him I care for him & always will. And yes, Amethyst, that first encounter was special because he is a special friend whom I will always care for. He has been on again, off again with his gf...always vying for my attention, flirting, showing off, leading me on, trying to make me jealous or hurt me. As long as I go there, it will continue unless I blatantly quit speaking to him at all, then he & I will become enemies. Why does life have to be so complicated? Later that evening, he waves his hand in front of my face while I'm totally ignoring him & then tosses out his infamous hotel comment. Do I want to hear the details? NO! Why did he say it? According to Amethyst, I don't think so. I think it's more... Muneca wrote Muneca, I have been trying to remain just a friend, abandoning any thought of him and I as more, keeping to myself, ignoring him until he comes my way and is nice. Then & only then have I attempted any kind repertoire. The more I ignore, the more he comes my way. You are right that I'm not in the best place to ask anything of him or expect anything from him either. He absolutely has no regard for my feelings whatever. That's what I don't understand the most...I have never done one thing to hurt this guy. I have only been an exceptionally good friend to him. I just don't understand why he seems to thrive on my pain. Meanwhile, I am taking a gym class he coaches with about 10 other middle age women, he also blatantly flirts with, while he has a gf. Difficult, not impossible. Fast forward 4 mos later...Still, I feel out of place, used, disrespected and always unsure of where I stand-questioning whether I am even still welcome. Now, you say I should be able to go there, ignore him and his advances, remain professional/emotionless, attend his class and carry on business as usual without regard to our past (which he is always first to bring up). And, anything he says, no matter how insulting to my dignity I should just disregard. Kinda like I'm inhuman. Odd, that's how I felt after having sex with him, too.
  8. Amethyst, I did mean I care for him as a friend and I think he read more into it than that. He is so vein. Look, he simply could not give me what I need from a real relationship. But, that doesn't mean I don't ever want to see him again or break off our friendship. I totally agree that it was just sex with a caring friend. Never-the-less... As far as his comment, do you not see that it was at least intended to make me jealous? And I want to point out this "friend" and I have been incredibly close like bf/gf-just never dated. He has told me he liked me alot and still cares for me. Read my previous posts, you'll see. Whether or not we were just friends who had sex, I still consider it disrespectful/ inappropriate to our friendship to reveal to the exfb (me) his plans to rendevouz on the same day in our "special place" with his now gf. Happy Valentines Day! Anybody else out there agree with Amethyst? That he was not trying to hurt me or make me jealous? And, that I don't have a right to care for my friend that I have been intimate with? Further, if her view is right and correct then I would think I should have a right to bring a new "friend" in and exfb has no right to care, be jealous or hurt. I really need this information to process my thoughts & feelings. Please advise. Thanks!
  9. Hi Muneca, I was wondering how long it would take you to respond. Well, I agree with you. I normally would have gone to the gym yesterday to drop the girls off at gym which would have made me present 1 hr or less-my daughter didn't want to go, so we were absent. Today, I normally would have had Adult Gym Class, but opted not to go as I am still vulnerable. At this point, I don't know if/when I will return. I won't go back as long as I feel vulnerable. Thursday, He said, he doesn't understand why he has to hide the fact that he has a gf. I told him he doesn't but I don't want to hear the details. He just said, OK whatever, which left me feeling disrespected, unheard and unwelcome. I ask God to forgive him thru me. Do I have any animosity for him? I resent that I have to alter my life because he goes out of his way to lead me on, lie to me & hurt me. Please bear in mind, all I post about on this forum is the vent, ie... pain & confusion about what I don't understand. Alot is left off for the sake of brevity. He had been very nice, coming my way, talking, hugging, flirting, etc... thru the month of December all while I sat off & ignored. We have a tendency to gravitate toward each other. So, as long as I'm around, he will come my way. He's usually nice, but sometimes he's not. I don't know why. Here's the cycle, so you get the whole picture of what I've been thru since he & I met... (Friends-4 yrs)-->(Special Friends-4 mos)-->(Friends w/Benefits-9 mos)-->(Special Friends-2 mos-->)-->(Friends-2 mos)-->(Special Friends-1 mo)-->(exfb's-1 day).
  10. thanks annie24! i am so thankful to have this forum. you all keep me sane. peace
  11. Ok Amethyst, I understand what you are saying. You're right. Things were fine until earlier that day...I told him I still care for him & he used it against me. It really is true, familiarity breeds contempt! My daughter chose to take off gym tonight which gives me time to restore some resilience. I am leaning towards taking off adult gym class tomorrow as well. There's no way I can stay away from him if I'm in his class. He spots me on skills, like back-handsprings, etc... It's too soon for me to deal with him, especially if he were to be hurtful. I have to admit if he were to have taken another jab at me today it would probably have brought tears. And, today is the first day since I saw him last that I haven't cried. What I mean by the above statement is that, he & I get along perfectly fine most of the time as long as I ignore him, we can be friends, flirt, get close, talk, be physical, be intimate, etc...but as soon as I say or show I care...he becomes hurtful. hmmm.
  12. Thanks Amethyst, Just to set the record straight, I didn't yell scream or cry. I simply asked him to have some respect for me. I let him know I wont put up with his bull cr*p. That's why I walked right onto the floor in front of the team & all the moms & pulled him aside in private, expressed my position & then left abruptly. Fact is I can't just walk away. See, he is my daughters gymnastics coach. She's going into competition season which runs thru March. You *try* explaining to a 13 yo that she has to quit team (& throw away *11* years of training) b/c her coach dissed her mom. Coach & I are seen as best friends (nobody there knows about us). Lately, I have started coming in just the last 1/2 hr to pick up the girls. I also *work* there & thereforeeee have a business, as well as a personal reason to be there. And I take an adult gym class with him. I haven't yet decided whether to alter my presense, but, I am Queen & I shall make a decision based on how strong I feel I can deal with the situation. I have decided to completely ignore him when I go back. If he's nice I will be, If he's not I will ignore him. He broke up with me 4 mos ago. I have been consistently ignoring him for about 2 mos. We've been trying to stay just friends but everytime I go in, he comes my way. Usually he is *very nice*, *hugs me*, *flirts with me*, *good body language* & *shows off for me*. That day he was in a *bad mood*, *his manners fell short*, *he was out of line* and his comment was completely *inappropriate & hurtful*, so I let him know it. As far as he & I ever going to the next level, it would be on my terms & conditions. I call the shots or there aren't any. I wish there were more innovative & tactful ways to deal with his outrageous behavior than ignore or leave.
  13. DO THE RIGHT THING! INSIST ON BEING TREATED LIKE A QUEEN! GET HELP AND GET OUT OF THERE! NO WAY SHOULD YOU ACCEPT THAT BULL ****! IMPLEMENT A PLAN AND STICK TO IT! TRY NOT TO CAVE IN! YOU ARE NUMBER ONE, YOU DESERVE BETTER!
  14. Thank you all for your posts... What I hear all of you saying is that I should ignore him completely. It sounds easy in theory, but in reality, what if he tries to start a civil conversation? Still ignore him? For how long? To what point? Don't look at him or speak to him at all-ever again? What if he says something mean & pointed again? Should I just sit there & stare off like I could care less-maybe just file my nails, try to appear unphased. We have been such close friends. I hate this turmoil. I thought taking him off in private and discussing the issue in a calm, succint way was the proper response for the situation. I was obviously hurt but I kept my composure. Why was it wrong? pls help. I need to know how I should have handled it because I will see him again tomorrow. my thoughts... (the way i see it, he is trying to hurt me and make me jealous...for a reason-why bother unless he still has feelings for me? He obviously wants me to look at it like all it was, was sex and that I have no right to have any feelings for him above the belt.) It makes me feel like bringing in a male friend, but I have a strong suspicion that it could make the situation much, much worse. Insight anyone?
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