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may55

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About may55

  • Birthday 01/01/1973

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  1. I think the more practice you get the better it will be. I know it took me awhile to get of being on top. Also, please for pete's sake try other positions! Maybe this is not gonna be the best one for YOU. I am sure there is one that will work for you both. There are so so sooo many out there. Get a book (there are many) with pictures and tell him you have a surpise, pick one out together... Good luck!
  2. Hi guys, I recently moved to Seattle this past year. I met my boyfriend almost right away and have slowly been making new friends outside of my relationship. One of my goals is to make a few really good female friends. Anyway a female friend of my boyfriend's (they are mainly social pals) and I have totally hit it off. I totally enjoy hanging out with her and her and she and her husband have done a lot of couple friend things with my boyfriend and I. She and I have a lot in common: we both like dancing, sewing, painting, etc. The thing is that my boyfriend seems to be very much not willing to share her with me. She's invited me to lunch and my boyfriend will find out and join us. He of course is welcome, but I am realizing that maybe he is not comfortable with me seeing her without him. He even made a joking comment that she is HIS friend, not mine. He calls her often (he is very social, this is normal no worries!) but I know that if he did not keep calling her and inviting her out, she probably would not see him often. She calls me often and invites me out without me having to do much. She likes him a lot, but she even jokes she likes me better. I really do like her, and know that we could probably be better friends, but I hold back a bit because of my boyfriend and I think it also makes her feel a little weird too. I know she can be friends with us both, but for me a good girlfriend is gonna have a special relationship with me without my boyfriend involved. Anyway, it's not a problem just a funny thing. Never had to compete with a guy I am dating over a friend. I love him, so I of course do not want to hurt his feelings. He comes first! But I would love to be better friends with her without my boyfriend tagging along all the time. He has a lot of close friends, and a lot of female friends, this is the only one, however that I really connect with too. Any suggestions?
  3. Well can you let some time go by then speak with him? Kinda get the ball back in your court and on your terms. Sounds like his ego may be a little bruised by the breakup thing. Or not. But I do know men can act all normal and nice but have bruised egos. Maybe tell HIM when you will call him. Do it nicely, but take back a little bit of control. Think about the part you played into things. You broke up with him? Was there a reason why you did not talk to him first and just got defensive and did the "deed" for him to beat him to the punch? Remember although you are sorry you also played a part in this. It is a great strength to see that clearly and come to terms with that, then talk about it with him. Listen to how he felt. Tell him how you felt and see where it goes from there. Remember although you feel like the whole world may be crashing down on you, you are OK and will be OK. Good luck. Pamper yourself a bit and treat yourself with compassion.
  4. I know this is an old post, but very interesting. I am dating someone who's first and only serious girlfriend besides me had this disorder and I must say wow is there baggage. He really loved this woman, or at least tried but was so hurt by her that of course it ended. I think I am going ot show him this post, not now, but one day soon to realize he was not alone and that it is OK that he loved her. I had a long talk with him about her and was feeling horrible about how he would talk about her with me. But I understand now how much he really did try. She of course still tries to be in the picture, but I realize that if I keep my cool and not take it personally (and let him know what I need and feel) that this may eventually work out. I am starting to not be so threatened by his ex and am starting to feel a little bad for her. She just needs to be the center of it all so so so bad. She even joined my gym recently and asked the front desk when I typically go! Luckily I am friends with one of the front desk woman so she flagged me that someone was askign about me. She also shows up on group outings and walks around topless and makes out with men in front of me and my boyfriend. At first I was furious but now knowing this about her I feel a little bit better. Not much though. Good luck to all those who have dated someone like this. I feel bad for my boyfriend for going thru what he did. Just know that this kinda damage can last long beyond the relationship.
  5. I am sorry if I offended women on this board. I totally know it is her money. But if they are serious, and maybe sandmander is not, and if that is the case, then please sandmander listen to the other women on this thread not me! But I do think it is important if you are planning a future with this woman, that you guys have money rules and you make these upfront instead of reactive. Like who pays for what and budgeting. I get the sense that there is a lot of resentment in sandmander's post. This is usually the result in my experience of not having money expectations set. When you have rules with each other then both parties can feel comfortable. When I was married we ended up each giving ourselves our own spending money. I made more $$ than him, then I went back to school, he made more $$ than me. It felt good because we both compromised on how much we'd spend on personal things like clothes, video games, etc. Note the reason we ended was not becasue of money! I dunno maybe I am out there and this is controlling, i dunno, I hate to thin that being a woman, but interetested in what everyone thinks.
  6. Arghhh money is one of the number one fights in ALL couples relationships! Been there done that too. One thing that has been helpful for me is to try and make some rules together about money. If you feel she is spending more money than you would like and she feels the opposite try to sit down for a discussion on this. I know with my ex that he really really did not want me buying things for the house. I would pick up little items here and there like candles, tableclothes etc. So we agreed that I could buy those things but only 2x a year and only spend a certain amount. At first it was hard, but we both ended up getting very close to what we wanted without any arguing. I dunno, I think agreements up front are the only real way to go. And even if it is her money, tell her that this is an agreement between you as a couple and you are not comfortable with not having an agreement. It is in her best interest too becasue you will not be upset at her for spending so much on a purse. If she needs to spend money on clothing, then talk it out about what would make it comfortable with you. You will not get exactly what you want, but you will feel more like you have a say and whatever she spends will not be a surprise, it will be just following the rules you already set up.
  7. Actually when my ex husband got engaged I cried my eyes out for days. My boyfriend comforted me the whole time even though I know me crying hurt his feelings. I kinda wonder if he uses her to compensate for his own lack of relationship experience. He knows he has to work on giving me compliments. It is hard for him to do, but he knows this and is trying. The problem is why does is it so easy for him to compliment someone who treated him horribly and to not admit that she treated him poorly? To be honest I am sure he does not contact her. I asked him not to and I really do think he respects those wishes. I know he loves me and I know he is over her. And he is not constantly bringing her up, it's more of why is he being soo nice, too nice to his past? Does he feel guilty? Is he using it to keep distance between us? I don't get it. I am catching on that maybe he has low self esteem. I dunno, I am so confused by this behavior and fed up with it!
  8. It was a community vacation we went on. So anyone we know mutually could have told her, the thing is she is not part of that community.
  9. I really want cxonstructive advice. No plans on dumping this guy, he's complicated and to be honest I have never met anyone who is willing to work on himself as much as he is. The key htough is to bring things up in a way that helps him understand. But thanks for the note and support!
  10. OK so should i just ask him NOT to speak of her ever unless it is relevant to the conversation? It is not like he brings her up all the time, but whenever he does he is annoying. Also I really hate having to run into her, but i guess i can start just ignoring her and not complain to him about it.
  11. You know I am in my 30's and I STILL have this problem. Also I have been the ex and know how it can hurt when someone has moved on. My ex husband's girlfriend, now wife I am sure use to have issues with me. He moved on right away, I still have not remarried. However I do know that I have never been like any of these crazy ex's. I have always respected the new relationship and woman's feelings. What i am trying to say is try to have as much compassion for this woman as you can. She obviously feels threatened by you which means your boyfriend probably has really good intentions and is smitted by you. She would not be so aggressive if not! Also show him a little compassion. If he is a nice guy he is not going to wish someone he use to date harm or ill will. He of course will be loyal to you, but don't make him become a mean person just to be loyal. Let him be the nice guy he is (if he is one). Try to give him the space to be a decent person to her and remain loyal to you. And last bit of advice. Keep those boundires set with her like you are doing! Those are important. If the agreement between you two is that he will not call her or see her, then stick to those agreements. Do not back down. Also, try to be cool about it. don't yell at him if she calls, but tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable and leave it at that. Good luck! I know about crazy ex's dealing with one right now myself (see my recent post).
  12. Problems with how my boyfriend views and talks about his ex. I see her around every once and awhile and she stares me down. Friends of mine and his have told me I am nicer, prettier, and just more stable than this woman, yet he continues to build her up whenever he talks about her. To give you some background on me, I have worked really hard to have a good career and put myself through grad school and I use to model, briefly. I have never been insecure about my looks or my ability to use my mind, and yet suddenly I am! The thing is my boyfriend can never compliment me on these things, or anything really. But he seems to have endless compliments about his ex and I am at my wits end. He makes excuses for her like no tomorrow. What really bugs me is the following She cheated on him several times, one time with his best friend, and he makes excuses for her like that she was worried they would break up poor her, etc. She never went to college and is not very educated, yet he tells me how smart she was and is. I never get this from him. She is a little heavier than I am and has very weathered skin from too much tanning (she's a bit older than me). Yet to him, she has the perfect body and is a "super cute girl." I on the other hand need to get in shape according to him. She use to do horribly mean things to him all the time and was very violent, especially by making him jealous with other men and breaking things in his apartment. Yet it is not her fault according to him, she was just insecure and had mental health problems. She stalks him (and I think me) now a bit and will send him inappropriate notes or be mean rude in public. She joined my gym and will follow me around staring at me and giving me mean looks. She just so happened to show up on a vacation he and I were having and walked around topless on the beach. I really do think she may be stalking us sometimes, but in his eyes nothing is wrong and I am being totally out there by insisting she stays out of our lives. She was always a nice sweet person even though every one of his friends has told me on separate occasions how much they hated her and how much they are glad he met me. They tell me not to dump him and to stick around (mind you I never ever complain to his friends about him, ha ha just to strangers on the internet)! He is an amazing guy in the sense he will work on something if I present it to him in an non-threatening way. We have worked through a lot of issues in the past and this is just another one of them. I know he loves me and I know he feels he has a catch in me, but I really am getting tired of him not telling me that and REALLY getting tired of this ex girlfriend thing. I am not too sure how to constructively bring this up. So how do I bring this up? How do I get him to listen? He has been good about not contacting her, but she just will not go away. I want him to be able to talk about her, but somehow talk about her honestly rather than with rosey color glasses. Maybe it is just me? Maybe I have the problem. Ugh I dunno! Never felt this insecure before!
  13. I get a lot out of this relationship actually. Our main conflict is that he is a late bloomer in relationships with women and he often does and says things that anger me, and rightfully so. He is like a 30 something teenager - and yeah a little narcassitic in his behavior, but not inside his heart. I decided to stay in theis relationshp. And I need to find a better way to respond to him. When my response is constructive he has changed. And I guess this is where I am bewildered. I would think he would be asking for this and instead he feels I never listen to his needs and comes out of left field with these requests. These are his needs? Honestly the sex stuff does not bother me, it's no big deal, I like that stuff and trust me that is not a boundry issue. What my problem was with is his demands on what his needs are. They seem so silly! Do you think he is just grasping for shallow things because the deep stuff is too hard to ask for?
  14. Yeah, I tend to focus on my flaws sometimes, I know i am pretty but still I do it. He HATES it, but mainly because he says he'll start seeing my flaws too. Like my not so toned rear. Only thing is that he is not exactly in shape himself. Also, I don't think he is a narcissit per say, he defintely tends to be selfish, but it is more immaturity in relationships. He thinks of others and tries to do nice things for them all the time. Just sometimes he does not think before speaking and sometimes he is a bit misguided.
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