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ferna3069

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  1. wow i could of typed this all myself almost word for word. eept my ex was a girl. it sucks to have some one treat u like xrap
  2. i miss the person you once where. you turned into this bitter person. you know i never thought in a million years that you would ever have your mom call to tell me off. you laugh at me when u read that u pressured me into sex. im sorry that you couldnt admit it but you whent from making me feel guilty about it to screaming if nothing happened.ater i had enough of getting screamed at you cried about about it and told me that you felt like you wernt beutiful. you did this so many times even after i told u i no longer wanted to. its more of what you wanted then even caring about my feelings
  3. you know i honestly thought you where a different person. you said you never talked about me but i know you did. its part of the healing process to let the anger out. you got mad when you found this site and told your mom about it. then you get mad that i get mad that she wanted to tell me off? and you get mad that i dont let her? i never once had my mom or any one call you to tell you off and harras you. i honestly though you where a nicer person but i guess i was wrong.all i ever wanted from you was a true friendship was to know your ok.i feel like an idiot that i still care about you. u thought i didnt catch that little im going to offend you while you dont see it thing? i cought it. saying that you even cared about that terrorist. i honestly just wanted you to show me that you care about me as a person. instead you get mad that i want to let all the anger out . im not telling you off or your family. i just wanted my own space to scream to get mad to say everything i always been wanting to say. i never thought u where selfish like that. i gave u the room you wanted i forgave u for talking about me because i know its normal.i forgave your mom for putting me into that freaken depression. i honestly hit rock bottom like i never thought possible. you hurt me i hope that makes you happy
  4. same way i feel. i was treated like i was the worst person in the world, yet worried about her for so long
  5. man silverbirch this is the same way i feel. told to think about the bad times to be able to move on.
  6. well its been three months since the break up and a couple days since you found this site.sorry you couldnt see that i posted here as a way for me to let my anger out.all i ever wanted was to make you happy. honestly you telling your mom about me posting here is something i never thought you would do. i know i got angry and posted some things out of anger. but who wouldnt get if you had your ex gfs mom post your name out in public like that. im going to continue posting here. becaue this site is like my punching bag. no matter what gos wrong i know i can always come here and vent. and by the way yeah i always felt gulty for saying your secret to your mom. if you wouldnt act the way you did i would of kept quiet. if you would of sat me down and told me ok listen this hurt my feelings and i dont like when you did this or that. i wouldnt of said anything instead you freak out on me and scare me.i try to ask you whats wrong and u dont really want to answer. u always thought i tried getting back with u but all i ever thought was that there is something wrong.and your mom said i betrayed your trust but trust me. no one here has a clue to who you even are. im sorry about this. but i did feel used. i know you gave me things but i feel like u guilted me into buying some things. all i ever want was for you to show me you care for me as a person. i mean there was a time where i was working three jobs. and i was trying to help out my famly. yet u made me feel bad that i couldnt afford the computer. at the end i still got it for you. i didnt get mine till a month later just to make you happy. i always put you infront of me. now its time that i thin about myself. the way you been doing all this time
  7. well my brother told me that your mom called yesterday. i dont know if it was to hear my side or if she was going to tell me off i have no clue. at this point i really dont want to argue. if it was to hear my side of the story well here it gos. ever since i met manda i always cared about her. when we met i promised not to hurt her. .we where both going threw a real tough time. with this email i dont really hope to acomplish anything but to give my side. this is the last email im going to send. well the first argument amanda and i ever had was the second time her family turned her back on her. every one was keeping tab on her treating her like a ten year old. she was treated bad.when this happened she called me and acted strange told me that if anything happened to her that i could have her bear. when she said that if anything happened to her i knew she was talking about suicide. i talked her out of doing anything. called a million times to make sure she was ok. i told her i wouldnt leave her side. so we talked in secret.at this point you can ask amanda to comfirm anything im saying so you see that im not lying. the whole time she was acting like this she pretty much scared me. so when she got home i told her that if she loves me she would move to where she is happy. thats the first time we ever argued. she told me that she did not know what to do and told me off. i told her that all i wanted was for her to be happy. that if shes happy there to stay there. i told her that i wanted her to be happy even if we never talk agian. so after arguing for so long she finally decides to move in with you.ever since manda always told me that if it wasnt for me she would be where she is right now. when we started to argue after that was when she moved in with you.as you know you havent had your daughter for twenty years so i knew you wanted to spend time with her. well duing the time this was going on i was living in my brothers house and amanda was the only person i had. as you know there would be times where you and i would spend time together. i dont know if you ever knew this but i always viewed you as a mother figure. thats why in the beggining of the break up i was trying to contact you because i felt like i got my heart broken twice. well the only people i had during this time was your daughter and you. so when you guys would go watch movies i pretty much ended up by myself. i was fine with you two spending time together never had anything agianst that. well when both of you would spend time together i would text amanda and send her an email telling her how i feel about her. well she would take the whole day to answer the text. when i asked her why she told me it was because she forgot her phone. well so then i would tell her not to forget it. after that i texted her agian did the same thing took hours to answer and when i asked if she read the email all she did was scream at me. so i told her that while she spends time with you i wll go out to make friends. all she did was get mad and scream.i dont know if you remember but during that time when you heard her scream and told her she was been mean it was because of that. all she would tell me is no because then il find some one else. the only thing i really wanted to do is go out and make friends since i did not want to be by myself. i was always a calm prson but her screaming at me started getting to me. this is when everything really happened. whenever she had a bad day , for example if she argued with you or rob she wouldnt say anything. she would not tell you something hurt her feelings instead she would take it out on me. this is when things started to get bad. this is when i started to get deffensive. ask her yourself this. if there was something that botherd her she would never tell me she would hold it in and then take everything out all at once.when i moved back home i finally had some one to spend time with .during this time you went to florida and she stayed with rob. well rob and her would argue all the time. when i was spending time with family manda would want to spend time with me. this is when she started been in her room the whole day. to be honest i always tried getting her to spend time with you. but i will explain that later on. well when you got back from florida everything changed. you and i would not really talk and her and i would talk the whole day.im talking about this now because this affected everything else. whenever manda had a bad day she would take it out on me. if something botherd her she would say nothing was wrong. this is when i started to change. i had to get kind of loud for her to say something just for her not to scream.. i always tried getting her to speak up . to deffend herself. alot of the times when her brother talked or made fun of her she would come to me telling me she feels bad about it.if he made fun of her she felt like you took derriks side. never said anything for the fear of hurting your feelings. the thing about me is that i always encouraged her to say what she feels.but instead she would stay quiet blow up and scream when every thing built up. ether at me or rob.manda cought the text messages that you sent people when you talked about her saying that she was lazy and saying that she was to big. alot of the times she heard when you talked about how big she was. and hurt her feelings. ever since we met i made a promise to her and told her that i would be there for her.that i would get her to stand up for herself. and standing up by herself did not mean arguing but talking and saying what was on her mind. honestly i got to the point where i would get tiredof getting screamed at and i started to fight back. im sorry but getting screamed at is not a good feeling.this is what happened when i whent over there. manda wanted to do everything at once. i kept asking her to help me sign up for school because i thought we where going to go to the school to go meet a councler. when i was over there i was trying to make every one happy. trying to throw away the garbage take the dogs out.trying to get her room cleaned so you two wouldnt argue about her room and complain about all the boxes she had. i just wanted to help out so the family would be better. i never tried breaking up the family i just wanted everything to be ok. well that one day that you heard manda scream she tried doing everything at once. getting school together. cleaning the whole room, putting the thing on the r4 card. she told me to get off the bed. she did not even say it calm she just started screaming at me. honestly her screaming was getting to me. i never liked it and she knew it. my dad screamed at me all my life and i did not want her to scream at me.she told me to hurry up and download all the games.pretty much screaming and getting more mad. at this time i ignored her becaus i mean common who honestly likes getting screamed at? then she stomped out of the room and thats when you to talk. when she comes back she tells me that you two talked and you said that you had a controliing bf that would hit you. this got to me because i mean i never ever thought about hiting your daughter.i honestly was so stressed out because i tried doing so much to make every one happy. worked the whole christmas season.to have enough money for rent and have enough money to go visit manda. well she made me feel bad about not been able to afford the ipod so i worked even harder. at that point everything got to me. everything from the list because i thought it wasnt right how she pretty much screamed at me for twenty dollars. she never once botherd to ask if i was almost done downloading the games.to be honest all i wanted was to be talked to like a regular person. so i got mad and said it was pathetic how she only gos out if it cost money. i know it was wrong of me to call her a name but i was just so stressed. never before had i called her anything. she called me names ton of times. i always kept my mouth closed for the fear of hurting her. she never botherd to listen to what i even said. i told her before that the games only took at the most a minute to download. then there was the time that i said she smelled like a fish. well i said it smelled fishy. i know this was wrong of me and im sorry. i had no clue it even hurt her feelings. ask her about this yourself. but we always compared the period like a fishy smell. it wasnt even that she really smelled it was just she did not have a pad on. she went the bathroom for five mins and thats it the smell was gone. i did not make fun of her or told any one about it. but the smell was just there. then there was the second hand store. well this is the day we whent to the bank. i was pretty much almost out of money. we whent to look at the stuff in the second hand store to see what there was. well i know this was wrong. but i found this one thing and changed the tag. walked around. the thing about this is i wasnt the only one who wanted to do this. manda found the pair of shoes that she has now. said lets try that first then we will try this. i knew that the converse people where looking so i just told her to keep the price on it and take them because i wanted her to have them. so we take both things and i only have enough for one. at the end i spend the last couple dollars i have on the shoes. and you also told me about going out. when i told her that if she loves me she will go out with me. to be honest we both always used the if you love me thing. thereis this thing we would do at night when we would turn on candles and just talk. well there was nights where i was just to tired . i would get on the bed and try to go to sleep. manda would get on top of me and tikle me. or she would tell me if you love me you will spend time with me. well i thought the same thing apllied to going out. il tell you right now that i never used this to take advantage of her. not once. well thats what i was planning the day we whent out. manda always told me how she wanted me to read to her before bed. and she told me how she always wanted a puppy from the pet shop kind of like you got valen. she wanted her own valen. well i wanted to show her a good time by going out with out it costing anything. i wanted to go to the petshop to see what kind of dog she likes and going to the library to choose the books she wanted to read. i was going to pay close attention to what dog she likes so i can get it for her later. i always done this kind of things. there would be times where i would bring a subject up and then listen to what she had to say and then surprise her with it. one of the things that got to me was when erica told me that manda said i cuddled with her one day when she did not want to. honestly. not once did she tell me that she felt uncomfterable or that she did not want to cuddle. this is one of the exampes that she never said what she felt. sure she would tell every one else but never once told me one thing. if she would of ever told me herself you know it hurt my feelings when you did this or that. i would of said sorry made up for it and not do it agian. she never talked. she always had that fear of hurting some ones feeling. im sorry miss lynn but i cant read minds. if she had anything in her mind she wouldnt just ask she would wait until it botherd her to get mad about it. this gos the same with what i told you about her past.the two days we where in the room she was asleep most of the time. i wasnt arguing with her or telling her off the whole time. most of the time all she did was sleep. well the day after that she told me how she felt uncomfterable in her own skin and how she was scared of the world. how she had panik attacks even when she was in the car for the fear that some one was going to hurt her.then she fell back asleep. well everything she said pankied me. so i tried waking her up saeen wahts going on. i never dated a girl with a past like this and i didnt know what to think. i didnt know what was going in her mind so i tried waking her up to see what was going on. when she woke up thats when i asked if she wanted to be friends. she said can we and i said yeah but im going to have to go home with family because i need to be around family. then i stood up. whent to put some of the cloth on my suitcase. and we both ended up going to the living room. she calls derrek and tells him that she ruined the best thing that was going in her life. i sit on the coach and start crying. at this point im scared im confused i have a ton of emotions running threw me. she gets on her kneace and beggs me not to go.i tell her not to beg because i dont want to ever see her like that. i never tried taking advantage of the situation. i ask her if this has to do with the past .she tells me she doesnt know that she just feels weird. then we go back to cuddling fall asleep. thats when you wake up she runs out of the room and i go see whats going on. after this im confussed , so when she gos back to the room i ask her if it has to do with her past or not. she tells me she doesnt know what it is. to be honest i never begged for her to come back to me. never asked her for a second chance because i knew that if it had to do anything about that she doesnt need a bf at the time. yeah at first i ask her if she loves me give her a kiss and after that i stop.after that i keep asking her whats wrong. did not ask her to come back to me. i tell her that im scared because of the way shes acting. well that night she when to sleep upstairs. i stay up the whole night and ask game which is our mutual friend what to do. thats when he tells me that he thinks its best if you knew. because your the only one who can really help out. i fell asleep that night around 4 in the morning looking up places where i can take her to get help. ever since she told me about her past she told me that she wanted me to go to therapy with her. so i thought i would look up the places and tell you about it so you can pretty much help out. i was not trying to get back with her with this. when my bigger sister was small my uncle tried taking advantage of her. my family found out and my mom send him to jail. at this point all i really thought was that she needed some one to be there for her my my sister needed some one there for her when it happened to her. i know the day before i told her i couldnt be her friend. but after staying up the whole night and thinking of what to do i thought that the least i can do for her was be there for her when she needed me the most. and thats when that morning came up. i showed amanda what me and game where talking about. the dog needed out so i took him out. i never told any one this kind of news before. i wanted to tell you but wasnt sure how. and thats when you start screaming at me telling me to leave her lalone. then i tell you it wasnt my fault that she was acting like that and you said yes it was screaming even louder. i wanted to tell you more calm but the screaming did not help. i got stuck i paniked did not know what to say so i said if you knew what i knew then the dog barked agian and you whent asking manda what i was talking about.tobe honest i did not think i was going to get anything out of this. not a thank you not manda back nothing. i thought maybe you where just going to get her help and that was it. if manda once told me that things hurt her feelings and thats the reason she broke up with me i wouldnt of said anything. you asked why after two years i never told you this until she broke up with me. well to be honest i did not feel it was my place. not until she freaked out on me. i had no clue what to do . i thought the only person who can help was you. i mean seen her scared like that gave me a lot of thoughts. one if you did not know what was wrong who was going to help her?two if i left and you saw her like that you would of thought i did something to her. when talking about sex first happened.manda was living with her dad during this time. one night we where talking about the future and about adopting a baby. well that night manda ask me if i wanted to have a baby the natural way. i told her that im not sure because i dit not want to hurt her. every time she would talk about it i would turn her down for the fear of hurting her. well one day she told me to stop treating her like she was glass. so we would talk about it. after we talked about it she would make me feel guilty. well she would mention sex more and more. if i talked about it she would make me feel guilty if i did not talk about it she would get mad at me. there was times where i would get into it but then making me feel guilty got me mad. i told her that we dont have to do anything if she doenst want to but she would just get mad at me. well after i moved back home we where on the cam one day. i was in my room . well the room had no way to lock it and there was people walking outside the room. well that day she told me to take off my cloth. i told her no. she kept telling me i kept telling her no bcause there was people walking outside the room. she did not listen when i told her this. all she told me wasit doesnt matter take it off. i got mad at her and screamed told her to stop. well after this i told her that if she doesnt stop i will break up with her because i dont want to be pressued to do somehting i dont want to do. after that she would make me feel bad if i did not want to. she would tell me that she doesnt feel like i love her if i did not want to do anything with her. she would cry about it make me feel bad. then there was times where she would tell me that she feels like i did not make her feel beutiful if i did not do anything with her. this is one of the things we would argue about alot. i did not want to feel pressured to do anything and at the same time i wa scared of loosing her. the reason i did what she told me was because i felt so bad if i didnt. then i started getting mad about it told her to stop . we stopped for a while and we ended up talking about it. at the end i felt comfterable but every time we would do anything i would feel bad about it. i always told her that she doesnt have to do anything if it hurt her .this is one of the things that got me so deffensive towards her . i did not want to feel pressued. after a while everything was ok. but the anger was there. i just did not want o feel pressued to do anything. this is something that we argued for a while it was a big problem. to be honest i did not want to feel like i was used
  8. you tell my friend to tell me to contact you. we finally talk and it does get akward. when we talk you make the excuse that you send me an accidental text message a week ago,but yet you signed into our myspace that same day and yours as weel. you kept our pics up. why do you do this. is it that hard to admit you wanted to talk to me?
  9. i was about to message you. i was so close. but im nt going to do it. i know ts just going to hurt me more if i do
  10. i miss you so much. i dont get why our relationship ended like this. i was always there for you. today i was playing the game where we met. and i started to cry. i want to let go but its so hard. i dont want to feelt this pain. why did you have to do this to me?
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