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MagzO

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About MagzO

  • Birthday 01/08/1986

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  1. Even knowing you mention my name makes me angry anymore. What's with that? It usually made me smile. I think you did it on purpose. Whenever we fought you would say something nice about me to someone else, and they would come to me and repeat it. That would make me forgive you, be the one to take the first step for contact, be the one to apologize. Now it just makes me angry. I can actually say it's not working anymore, and I'm happy about it. I managed to move to the next step of grief. Because before, when we were 'just friends' I kept thinking you just needed time. That you would come to your senses some time, that we were meant for each other because no one knows you like I did. Now I realize you don't deserve me. At all. You manipulate me, use me as your little ego booster. Must have felt great, eh? Have a hot girl after you all the time, when you felt like a geek who would never find anyone to love you. Guess what? It's not about you being a geek. It's about you being a jerk and not being able to give in return when someone's giving you their heart.
  2. I want to call you. I want to either yell at you for leaving or asking forgiveness for pushing you away. I know you wanted to stay friends, but you know I couldn't do that. I loved you too much to even deal with the fact that you're with someone else now. I'm jealous though. I'm all alone now, and you're with our friends. They talk to you, they listen to you, and you're probably having a blast bashing me. Or not even mentioning me, since it's not worth it... I don't know which one is worse. I want to mean something to you again, because at least someone would be thinking of me. I miss you. I miss them. I miss what we used to have and those long conversations and fun stories. Funny though, is that if I had them too, just like you do now, I wouldn't need you at all. It's not about you anymore. It's about me being alone. I hate it. I want to cling to someone, anyone. I don't care about you anymore like that, but would love to have my friends back. You stole them from me. Actually stole them. You're manipulative... very smart to use my feelings for you like that. I know you didn't mean to destroy my life like you did, but congrats. You got what you wanted. You're the best. You have them all. You have the prizes and the respect and them. I have nothing. I'm trying to keep up, but I just can't. I don't know what to do anymore. You said 'find new friends'. You soulless freak. So easy for you to say it when you stole mine, because they were mine first. You met them six months after I did. God, I can't believe I defended you. I should have let them trash you like they were and just leave it. But I loved you. I wanted them to like you, and I wanted you to be mine. Maybe I was wrong too... A psychopath of some sort... Gosh, and writing this is actually making me feel worse when I thought it was going to make me feel better...
  3. It feels like every time I try to do something nice for you, to let go and make things better between us, you have to come and ruin everything. You don't love me anymore. I get it. I really do. But why do you say I'm the one abandoning you? Why would you say I'm the one with the problem? I honestly think you like having me around, like a love sick puppy, waiting to compliment you all the time and apply to every whim you have. You're going right back to the people who insulted you, and then insulted me for defending you. Fine. That's your choice. Just don't expect me to get involved and don't expect me not to care. I'm tired of being like I am with you, when every little gesture of kindness beats a million horrible things you say to me. I hate your big ego, I hate the fact that you think you're better than anyone, the way you act as if I was beneath you and how you keep pushing me away and then pulling me back again. I hate loving you. I hate needing you this much. I really wish I could erase the past two years, I wish I didn't think of you all the time, and I wish I never accepted that stupid idea of being friends after we broke up. You never cared. I know so. Then why keep me around? Were you feeling really that guilty or was it that you needed me too? I know you were like I am right now, all alone, and I was there for you... I guess things don't work the other way around. But I loved you, so there I was. You have no idea what you did to me. You ruined me. Ruined my innocence, my dreams about love, my way of seeing the world. You made me think I was the one who was wrong. You made me think it was my fault, that I should have been the one to give up her career and her family to be with you, and not the other way around. You made your sister hate me. Your mom hated me. I'm not perfect, I know that, but you're not perfect either. Hell, you made me think it was a good idea for you to meet other girls, because you told me 'You deserve to be chosen'. I'm stupid. I have to be stupid. Is there another reason you can come up with, for having fallen for such a stupid thing? You practically asked permission to cheat on me. What the hell is that? I know you have someone new. Yes. You've told me, countless times, about her. About how she's so cute and perfect. So unlike me, right? I hope she is as understanding though, because you are incredibly hard to figure out. I hope she is more patient than I am, what with your little tantrums and running away every time something turns difficult. You know, writing this I realize how wrong you were for me. I had an idea of love that you just didn't fulfill. You're not the man of my dreams, nor the love of my life. I want, no, I need someone who's there for me, who reassures me and tells me he loves me. I think I told you this once before. I want someone who believes is more important to keep me warm than undress me. And you're just not that man.
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