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Tryptophan

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Tryptophan last won the day on September 9 2011

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  1. I think the only thing I wanna do to you right now is, yeah I don't wanna get another ENA infraction. But let's just say there's parts of your body that I really miss.
  2. So how fun is she really? Do you really have fun with her? Is she really your type now? If you wanted a girl without a personality that pretends to be someone she's not just so a guy will like her, that definitely wasn't me. I never had to change myself for you to like me. I think you were the one always saying you were gonna do something or said you did something just to impress me. But you failed. You failed at impressing me. And if you ever did impress me, you killed it with what you did after. I hope you two have fun now because you're never gonna get a reply from me—at all.
  3. I saw a guy that looked exactly like you today but with a different haircut. A better haircut. I just wanted to * * * * him. Thought you should know, but then again that'd mean we'd probably do that, which isn't what I need right now.
  4. I really miss you on Fridays and Saturdays. You know that? Why do you have to come into my life when I'm feeling better? Why? And what do all these things mean to you? Are they just new games to you? Is that all it is and here is me, trying to figure out what it meant? And what about the time? Does it mean anything at all that at that time we'd be together? Or does it mean that at that time she wasn't around to "entertain you"? How's that going, by the way? Why does she need to look like me now? Why do she need to do the the things I used to do? Do you realize that it's still never gonna be me? No matter what you do, no matter what you say, THAT WILL NEVER BE ME. I fell for it once, I won't fall for it again. One time was enough to leave me disenchanted. You're not even worth it. I'm not usually shallow but just look at you! Not even M hurt me as much as you did. And just look at the way you look! Maybe if I would have been shallow, I wouldn't have ever fallen for you. But there goes little old innocent me and doesn't judge a guy for what he looks, gives him a chance, and he turns out to be amazing, so she falls ever so fast, and then it all turns to * * * * . I should have listened to them when they told me I could do better. But to me you became the most handsome man in the world. And my moronic ass actually still want to be with you at least one more time. But that won't happen, EVER. How did you even go from me to her? No matter how much of a makeover she gets, she's still what she is; I'm sorry to say this, my love, but she's still ugly as * * * * . Remember the time when I made that comment to you about the way she looked, and you were almost offended? Well it is true. U G L Y. That, at least, makes me a little happy. Forget all that stuff you liked in bed, you're lucky if you get it once a month with her lol. She was my friend too, you know? So I know what she's about when it comes to that. Miserable sex life for you!
  5. Today was one of those days that was meant to be taken off to get a lot done. But it hasn’t been like that at all. It’s been one of my most depressed days in a while. I read the book my mentor wrote, it was a sad book that I’m not gonna summarize even though it’s one of my research interests. It’s a very sad book overall but what brought tears to my eyes was the dedication to his wife, “To my beautiful wife, I love you now and forever. Siempre te amo.” I was thinking of how much I would have liked to have dedicated my dissertation to you, right there next to some of the most important people in life. How stupid was I to think you were gonna be around for that time? And now that acknowledgement won’t be there. But on the brighter side, despite the tears, it motivated me to keep working on what I’ve been working on. Tomorrow I will get my * * * * together for the rest of the weekend and continue working on what I was meant to work on today. Please, please, PLEASE, just stay off my radar. Please hide that sadist psychic mind of yours somewhere and don’t text me when I’m almost healed. You would think I’m happy to hear from you but I’m not; all you do is bring such a * * * * ty feeling to my life. It’s such a bitter taste right now that I can’t even remember what sweetness there ever was. “Reflections in the window saying I told you so.”
  6. I'm so happy you're out of my life. Why do you have to come ruin it?
  7. It feels so empty inside without you. I've been hanging out with my cousin all day. I feel better but I realize how much I want to cry right now. Nothing can feel this void you left in me. I hate you.
  8. My cousin finally came back from studying abroad after 1 whole year. I remember when he first left, we were still so infatuated with each other. You know A waited for him for a whole year, and so did he. We met at the airport and when they first saw each other, they burst out crying. I am envious of this thing that they have almost but at the same time I'm happy there's couples out there that can do what we couldn't do. I was talking to him and he said that he had many temptations while he was over there but that he could not think of anything other than her and that he couldn't hurt her that way. And you? I turn around for 5 minutes and you're already on some other girl's ass. You have no idea how I wish that could have been us. I wish we hadn't gone wrong...
  9. You know I don't want you tell me that you miss me, I don't want you to tell me that you love me, those are empty words to me now. I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when I was feeling like I could melt right in front of you just by seeing you. I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when I would skip a heartbeat when you kissed me. I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when my heart would sink to my stomach when I would hear your voice. I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you make love to me like you meant it because for once I felt complete. I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when I felt you were my world when you would hug me. I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when I would get all nervous just being around you. Then you would hug me, and everything would feel alright again. I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when I felt like I was home in your arms. I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you woke up next to me because when I woke up next to you, all I thought was that that was the smile I wanted to see every time I woke up. I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you thought of the possibility of us never being together. The thought alone scared the * * * * out of me. I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you would play with my hair and right there and then, I thought it was just you and me. I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you would tell me how beautiful I was. I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you told me no other girl could compare to me. I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you saw me with other guys. Did it hurt just as much as it hurt me to see you with her? Did it? I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you broke my heart. Was it ever as broken as mine? I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when I told you it was over. I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you realized that it wasn't ever gonna be the same between us. What did you feel? And why is it so * * * * ing hard to tell me? Was it just me that felt like those moments should never end? Was it just me that undeniable connection? Was it just me that felt like I could spend my life with you? Was it just me that thought nothing mattered but us? Was it just me that felt that? Was it? Did you not ever feel like I could touch you, and you were in love all over again? Because every single time you touched me, it felt like I was alive all over again. And now? It feels like I am all dead and without a purpose in life. And I know that's just how I feel and not the reality but does your world feel shattered now that I'm not in your life? Do you ever wonder what it would have been like had we not been so damn childish? It's so hard to believe that these feelings were just in me. Did it really mean absolutely nothing to you? Did you really feel just as how much you expressed? Nothing?
  10. How could you let yourself lose ME over HER? That's like losing a gold mine over a pile of mud. And it didn't even last. Silly boy, you always were.
  11. I miss you. I miss your lips. "Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose." No matter how much I pretend to not care about you, every night my bed just feels so big. I feel this knot in my stomach and it just doesn't go away. I miss when you'd turn up behind me and put your arms around my waist. I just really miss those arms. I hate myself for this. I'm supposed to be really busy, getting my life together. And yet, all I can think about is you. Why did we have to go so wrong?
  12. Hey what's up, you no-good son of a *****? Sorry, I didn't mean to sound bitter but you honestly deserve no better treatment. You know what I've been realizing lately? That you're a disrespectful son of a ******* *****. I don't know why I wasted any of my time on you when you did not even deserve a minute of my time. Is that what you really thought? That we were more like good friends rather than a couple? How do you dare tell M that about us? As far as I know, you were the one that was always pushing for us to be official and all that bull**** but I guess now that you've made yourself look like such a retard, you decided to change your stance. I don't miss you, I don't love you, I don't want you anymore but I do miss that feeling of being in love. How could I have been stupid enough to love you and let myself fall in love with you when you were such a ******* *******? I miss being a fool I guess. I miss that feeling of actually thinking I loved you. I miss being in love. But at the same time, I am glad I am free. I don't miss all of your ******* lies, I don't miss you flirting with that ******* ****. I don't miss you disrespecting me. I don't miss you choosing to spend time with her rather than with me. I don't miss having to spend all day looking at your FB to see if you were on, and she was on and wondering if you were talking to her. I don't miss having to wait for you and wondering if you missed me when I went away. I don't miss all that ****. I guess I am angry, and I guess I almost hate you. I guess that burns in my chest. How can I still have such strong feelings for you? It's always either love or hate, and I guess that confirms what people say that love is only one step away from hate and vice-versa. Both hurt all the same because they're for you. Why does my heart insist in giving a **** about you? Why does my mind insist in thinking about you all day when you probably don't even think about me anymore? I hate myself for this but at least now I don't check your FB. I have better things to do these days but I still come on here and I have SO MANY things to say to you. Sometimes I feel like they're building up in my chest and sometimes I fall to my knees and I cry because no matter what my mind says, I still have some ******* strong feelings for you. I sometimes just wanna kiss you, and sometimes I want to go back in time just for a minute to change everything, but have that feeling I had for you. All you had to do was touch me and there I was, melting in your arms. Too bad you couldn't appreciate that enough to respect me a little more. And I don't regret dumping you, it was probably one of the best decisions I've made in my life. I couldn't keep allowing you to toy with my emotions.
  13. Right now I wish I just had you in front of me. I want to have sex with you so bad. Is that so wrong? Probably. I disgust myself with these thoughts but I can't help it. The worst part is if I called you and asked you if you were down for it, you would probably come running. You know I've tried having sex with other guys and they just don't make me feel the same way. Is that so wrong? Probably. I'm scared I won't ever feel this way about anyone sexually. **** it, it's just sex. Whatever, the point is I just wish I had you in front of me. I miss your lips. I miss your smell. I miss your hair. I miss your eyes. I miss your skin. God, those ******* lips. I can picture your lips so vividly. How many times did I kiss your lips and just traced them with my tongue. **** You ************* *******. I wish you hadn't been such a ******* retard.
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