Hopingpraying

Oh heck yeah you have to tell her. Just be prepared if she doesn't react the way you expect her too. I had a similar siutation... My now ex-wife was cheating on me. The guy was married so I contacted his wife. He denied it said I was a drug addicted abuser which is why my wife was talking to him in the first place. His wife believed him and didn't believe me... I was shocked to say the least because I provided her pretty good proof with over 800 minues of cell phone calls between the two of them.. Well nearly a year later she called me up with tears in her voice. How she had got into his email and my ex-wife was professing her love for him. I was really sympathetic actually, even though deep down I wanted to say I told you so... But with all that said, he definitely should pay for the consequences of his action... And he should really be lucky you haven't smacked him upside his head.

I can tell you that you can do no contact, even when you have kids.. I still do no contact to this day even though I talk to my ex-wife nearly everyday. It is a modified version of no contact, and in no contact I mean there is no contact with my ex-wife about us specifically. I only discuss our daughter. Nothnig more, nothing less. Sure it has been tough on me at times, but I've made it this far. I suggest you do the same. Really you have to come to the decision if she really doesn't want to be with you, then why do you want to be with her so badly?? I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to be with someone who did not have the same feelings for me. Especially someone I had been with for over ten years.. It has been nearly two years since my wife and I separated. I keep it friendly and have never said one bad word to her. I look at it like I don't want to give her ammunition to say she was justified in her decision. On the contrary I try to do everything I can to make her regret her decision. It makes it even better the day you can honestly say to yourself you don't need her anymore.. The other reason to keep it postive is for the sake of your kids. Put them first in everything, including ahead of yourself. Sometimes she may say or do things and you will really have to swallow your pride. Do it, because in the end you will be the better person and your kids will see that. Sorry to ramble. Hope this helps.

I think you need to ask yourself what you will acomplish by breaking no contact... I think you have to put your sanity first, and if you feel by congratulating her she will then flood your in-box with friendly email I can only believe that will do more harm to you then good. So think about that first and foremost. Think: 1. Will it help me heal? 2. Will it help me acomplish what I want to accomplish? 3. What is it you want to acomplish?? IMO, you should keep the NC in place. Of course if it is your wish to reconcile then this might be a good way to do it. It really is up to you, but keep in mind "your" wishes..

I understand what your saying Taco, I really do, however, it takes two, and if you are the only one that feels that way you are setting yourself up for some major disappointment. I so want my ex-wife to ask for me back, but I am moving on with my life, and if she does decide to do that I will have a huge decision to make. I am currently seeing a wonderful woman, and it would be hard to leave her. We have been dating for over six months now, but I know in my heart that I still love my wife, and not her. I still have my daughter to think about. I have no idea what to do. But for you.. I say continue to move on, if it happens it happens.

I did.. She contacted me and told me what a big mistake she had made. We started seeing each other for a bit, but I knew that I had changed and she hadn't so we just ended up going our separate ways again. We still talk on a regular basis and are actually good friends... You situation I am sure is going to be different, they all are, but this was my experience.

Michael, I guess I am sorry to hear you are still having issues with your EX, but in some ways are happy to hear that you are getting better and moving on. Its a long road, but one we have no choice but to take. As for your EX and her son, I don't feel your email was harsh at all and you must do in the short term to help you out in the long term. To some this might seem selfish, but I think it will be best for both of you in the long run. I believe if you do what you need to do now that in the future there is a very good chance that you and your EX will be able to be civil. It will just take time for both of your hearts to heal sufficently. That is my take. Take care.. and Happy b-lated birthday.

Huggy, Two things strike me funny with your post, and I am sorry if I am a bit skeptical, but you say she is your EX-girlfriend. And it sounds like you have had more than one so you should know already that while women do smell different, if it smells like you describe I would think that she has an issue or two to take care of. I guess I have been lucky because while all the woman I have been with have had one odor or another they have all been pleasent and I have enjoyed it. My concern for you is if it smells that bad, it has to taste bad also. Yuck!!! Usually the Odor is slight, but to describe it..... Well they are all different and a slight odor is all I can say. She could either have a STD, or her hygene is not good, or her PH is off, it could be a number of things. I wouldn't even know how to begin addressing this issue with her, but if she is your EX then I guess it is someone else's problem now. Good luck.

Thanks to everyone for their replies and encouraging words. I will take it all in. To answer some of the questions.... Hubman.... I agree with you and appreciate the solid advice. I know this is what I need to do but getting my heart to agree is tough. I know in my mind it is over, but my heart still holds out hope. Eventually I think I will come around. Sisterlynch... I have seen a counselor to sort out my feelings. I am so strapped for cash right now that i have had to quit going. I know what I need to do, but now that I am not going to a counselor, you all get to be my counselor!! And a lot of you are very qualified!! Dragongirl724... I am the dumpee. Meaning I was the one who was in shock when she told me she was not happy anymore. There is a lot to my story and I know no one has time to go back and look at the history but like I said I was not perfect in our relationship. Over the past few months I have had a lot of time to do some soul searching and improve myself. I still have a ways to go, but I have come along way in a short time and matured. At least the next woman I am with will get a very good man. I guess I need to look at it that way... I just wish I could'a should'a would'a Scout... I wanted her to go to counseling with me, but she refused. She ended up going by herself and was told she was co-dependent towards me. I guess to her that meant she had to get rid of me. Porblem solved!! Sister... I will change it with time, that I know. And I cannot do any illegal drugs. It was part of a reason for our divorce or so she says. I smoked pot on occasion and she used that against me in court during the custody hearings. But she has no problem letting her sister watch our daughter when she knows her sister smokes pot and her sister's boyfriend sells it. Figure that one out... N-E-Way.. I will stay strong.. Again thanks for the support!!

I didn't think it would effect me like this, but I really find myself thinking a lot about my soon to be Ex-wife. We have been separated since Feb. 14th. Yeah that was one heck of a Valentines Day. I have since been able to heal myself very well. About three months ago I started dating again. I have found it difficult to get close to her, but she is a wonderful girl. The only problem is I still hold out hopes of my wife coming back to me, but each day I know that grows less likely. Regardless I am just looking to vent here and get some feedback for other people with similar situations and how you were able to handle them. I did get my wife an anniversary card. It was nice, nothing to mushy. Just talking about love, and how understanding and caring are part of a marriage. I know I contributed to the failure of our divorce, but my wife still has not learned that she also was a part of that. Or if she has she hasn't let me in on it. I know it will get easier, I know I will be okay. I know our daughter will be okay, but how do you get a person to see that you have truley changed for the better? That you have seen the light, that you have grown up. That you now know what is most important in life??? End rant.....

Sugar, The only advice I would offer you is that a relationship takes two people to make it work, and if you feel bored it is up to the two of you to make it more exciting. Maybe your husband feels the same way, but does not want to say anything because he is affraid it will hurt your feelings. Communication is the key here. Be open and honest with him. You may not get the reaction you want initially, but expect that. If he reacts in a negative way just back off and give him time to process the information. He may be upset because he thinks you are attacking him when you really are not. I think the mistake most people make in relationships, especially young people, is that they always expect to get that little tingle when you kiss someone. They always to expect to have there heart race when that other person walks into the room. That seldomly lasts very long, and then we start looking for someone else to give us that initial rush. And then we repeat. The honeymoon does not last forever, especially when kids are involved. I believe my wife had the same experience you are going through right now. She was young when we got together. I was her first relationship. The sparks flew at first. After ten years together, three of which being married and two of those with a kid, the sparks faded. She went looking for those sparks elsewhere and now we are getting a divorce. It is a painful expensive endeavor. Please don't let that happen to you. Communicate with your husband. You say he is a great man, it is just that your spark has faded. Find a way for you to try to get some of it back, but understand it is never going to have the excitment of a new relationship. That initial excitment just doesn't last unfortunately. Good luck.

I can totally relate to what you are saying and have had a couple of those vivid get back together dreams myself. It has been since Feb. that we have been separated, and each day it does get a bit better. I don't know if I will ever be completely over someone I was so in love with. I married her for a reason you know. Because of our child she will always be in my life which I guess is the hardest part, but I am okay with it. I am okay with her being with someone else if that is what she wants. In my mind my relationship with her will always have to be one of caring and understanding because of our daughter. I want to do everything I can to make sure she grows up well and being caring and nice to my EX is the best way I see of doing that. So I continue to kill her with kindness and hope for the best. She probably will come back to me at the moment I move on, but I will cross that bridge when I get too it. Chin up everyone. We will survive.

Lisa, I find myself doing that heavy handed thing. But for me I always think well if she enjoys me doing it like this if I do it harder and faster she will like it even more... But I don't think that is always the case so I try to do it differently each time to see what that particular girl likes best... Not like I have been with hundreds or anything, but each woman is definitely different.

Me4ta, I will tell you from experience the polite honest way is the best to go. Just last Friday I went out on a blind date with this girl shes 25, I'm 30, and when I got to the restaraunt and met her I had to meet her parents, best friend, cousin, and I think an aunt. I was waiting for the preacher to jump over the bar and ask me if I do, but he didn't. Things were awkward from there. First dates are best kept short. Just tell him that up front that way they're no expectations. Good luck.

Do a google search on Jack Johnston and you should find his site. You can download the audio files for like $19.95 or something like that. It does work, but you need to be able to relax and clear your mind. It is a bit silly at first, but like I said it does work. Good luck.

I tried Jack Johnstons key sound technique and I have to tell you it works. Makes you feel tingly all over. Similar to Tantrique technique I believe. I don't think I have done it long enough to experience the full effect, but it is pretty cool. I got rid of my premature ejaclulation problem with it too. Don't ask me how, I just don't have that problem anymore. Sex has never been better. Good luck!!