Jewels7

No one understands why I still love you or even what I see in you. Your own mom told me once she doesn't know why I put up with the way you treated me. Your sister agreed you didnt always treat me right. But why do I still feel hopeless without you.I'm embarrassed to admit I wish I never would have left. I cried myself to sleep often when we were together...but that felt a lot better than the way I feel now.

It is one week shy of four months. I still can't get over you and I still love you and I wish I could stop. I'm scared I never will. Even after you treated me badly, even though I now know what kind of person you really are, even though you scare me... I'm having a hard time getting over you. I'm mad at myself because everyone can see that I deserve better... Why is it easy for everyone but me to see? Will I ever let go of my baggage and quit loving you so that someone healthy can come in to my life? I'm scared it won't happen for me.

I dreamed about you all night last night. I wanted so badly to text you and tell you that I miss my best friend. But I didn't. Now I'm sitting at work bawling my eyes out. I love you and want you so bad. You treated me like though and I deserve so much better. I just don't know if I'll ever find it... Or if I'll ever want anyone but you. I left you and you're probably over me... And I'm still crying two months later.

I'm so confused. I hate you and love you at the same time. I just wish you were honest with me. There's so many things I'm so confused about. Whether you lied to me or not. And I think you abused me. But at the same time I know somewhere you're a good person. That's what I don't get. And I don't get why I love you and miss you so much after the way you treated me. I don't know why I'm the one who left you and yet I'm having trouble letting go while I feel like you've probably moved on. I wonder if you miss me the way I miss you. Sometimes I want to die and I hate you and I hate myself for letting you have that power over me.

I would have done anything for you. I would have moved accross the world to be with you, I would have died for you. Did you ever care? Did you ever love me? Now you have moved all the way on the other side of the country, and act like nothing is wrong. That I didn't exist. That you didn't ask me to marry you. How could you have slept with all those other people? Did you ever think about me while you were with them? Did you not care what you were doing to me? Do you still not care? Do you not have a heart?! You lied to me about everything. From the very beginning. I know how you lied to me about your ex, I know how much you lied to me about the pot, the stealing. Was it really so hard to be honest? Why couldn't you have just told me? I was so good to you. But you chose sex and pot and ******* XBox friends over me. I was the one here for you through everything. Do you not realize what a good thing you lost? Obviously you don't by the way you seem to have gotten on with your life. I wish one day you would realize it. That you would hurt the way you hurt me. You destroyed me. Did you ever ******* love me? Or was that just a lie too. I deserve so much better than you. I know I do. I will find that person one day. He will be a good person. He will actually have morals...and I will be so thankful that that person wasn't you.