Fisch

True, one may be trying to hard at the wrong thing at least. You do indeed have to "try hard", but not at being desperate (not that I am implying anyone in here has been ). What you need to try hard to do is make yourself into a high quality person. That is true for lots of reasons, many people will cite the most important one as being how you view yourself. Humans are self esteem detectors, and nobody wants to be with someone who thinks low of themselves. People want to be with people who they think are great and can make their life and them great too! So its a vicious bit of a cycle: you are unhappy because you have no lovelife and you have no lovelife because you are unhappy. Slip a tangent in there, and find happiness first, I think it is the only way. If people see that you are passionate about the things in yourlife, that you are an admirable person in many areas of life then things will come. Visualizing then pretending then actually trying to become a happier more confident you can get you where you want as well. Example: for me I literally think about what I want my Looks, value, emotional connections, goals, authenticity, and self worth to be and try to fit that standard with blinders on to if others are looking or not. Dont give up, it will just make you more unhappy... probably. Good luck

Nice, I think they would make good pop lyrics. I hope you dont find that offensive because I dont mean it to be.

Sad but hopeful?

Dont Hold Me Calypso Voices melted to white noise Your hands shook themselves still When you finally closed your eyes and saw your life Did you realize that the only place you are not lonely is in your dreams And did your thoughts collapse when too many people left their insanity there When you opened your eyes again did life bloom Could short bursts of communication A wreckage of science Breath color into your lungs and accross your face Did you cough and sputter from the smoke Or did you die happy in the flames

You misunderstand me, it wasnt a mocking question. I literally want to know how you ended up biting eachother. I have dont plenty of kissing in my time, but the bites were always on purpose Im guessing some for of overdone frenching eh? As for kissing lessons, I was merely brainstorming out loud. So many bussiness venture ideas... so little time.

Thats quite an experiment for just being curious! *ducks*

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Haha human social dynamics are screwy, its a miracle people even find mates. Im sure that he enjoys it on some level. Maybe he is just trying to summon the courage, be persistent until you judge it a lost cause for yoruself

How do you accidentally bite someone during a kiss?! I think I should start giving training sessions.

I think some women appreciate this, but for the most part its not a great attribute. Think about it like this, people are not afraid of the loud guy who talks about everything, they are afraid of the quiet guy because they dont have anything to derive his personality on. Similarly you could get lucky if you are quiet and mysterious and someone might assume that you have good qualities, but it is probably a lot easier to show them!

I had a similar change this year. My veiws have changed a lot. I feel that I am more interested in having a balance of principles that allow me to express my compassion and intimate connections with other people, but also get what I want and believe that I deserve the best of what I have earned. This was in great part a reaction to getting used by someone in one way or another. I think it is important to make sure that one does not become a narcassist and stuff like that. The fact is, people have to have a healthy self interest, in the end confidence IS believing that you are worthy of good things in life. I think this attitude is helpful in a lot of ways as long as you dont become overly needy, as long as you believe that you deserve great things, but are not going to create negative externalities or whatever but rather work towards finding out how you can get them. But you are way right, a healthy self esteem and a proper definition of selfish are 2 completely different things. If you think you have gone too far down that path maybe you should try and get in touch with that old part of you, and balance it out. P.S. Another coincidence huh!

Try to get out of your own head, even if that means you have to stop thinking. The second you know you have to do what you have to do DO IT. Dont even think about what you are going to say or what you are doing. Pretend you are a mindless zombie with one goal: to call her. Make it a battle with whatever is stopping you, and forgive yourself if you dont win so that you can come back stronger and more determined next time you try. Dont make your goal to ask her out, make some other goal that makes you less nervous but still lets you call her. Think of a question you want to know the answer to and call her to help you out.

Make a decision in or out, the longer you wait the worse it will be. However, take the time you need to make a good decision.

Try and distract yourself. We are here for you, not many people have responded but we are listening. Be polite but dont meet the new girl. I dont see what good it will do you, better to keep it to your imagination, unless you feel really compelled to. Be honest about your feelings but dont show any desperation, or it will push him further away (although I dont know if that is an issue). Try to keep a neutral tone about the whole thing, and if you need to explain calmly why you dont want to meet her. That is my opinion at least. I am sorry you had to go through this. Good luck

I am glad she left me.