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kungfumaster

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  • Birthday 02/28/1975

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  1. Thank you Zimetra and Novaseeker for your advise. They really really help!!! I mean it. Zimetra, you are correct that my gf is the type of person that would forget about herself sometimes to help me. But at the same time, Novaseeker is correct because she has this side of her, that I'm not so sure about. I mean, I saw the sneeky side of her when we first met. We had to sneek around everywhere to avoid her ex seeing us. And sometimes, she would act sick to get out of work, when in fact, she's not sick at all. Anyways, we finally had our first long talk today (in about 2 weeks, we haven't had more than a 10 min. conversation). wow, it was like 5 hours. i honestly didn't know what was in her mind until today. I finally know why she needed space... it wasn't because she was stressed out because i stressed her out. it was because 2 weeks ago, i hurt her by not trusting her. that's why... she was really hurt, and needed some space from me to heal... that's the real reason. wow... i admit, i did not trust her 2 weeks ago - its a long story, but that's what it boiled down to last time. I admit, it was my fault. she has a very complicated life, and i try to understand it sometimes, but sometimes, it puts my stupid mind into nonstop thinking, and yes, that's my fault, not hers. my lack of trust that day has to do with my lack of confidence in myself i think... its just, whenever she went out, she never told me who she went out with, so that was a bit strange i thought, but i guess not to her, and my sister-in-law. yes, they have a past life, and friends from there... why would there be any reason to hide it? i always tell her who i go out with, what i'm doing, etc... she told me the only way she will come is if I'm ready for her, when i think i deserve her, am confident in myself, and when I LOVE her, not NEED her... she is right though. because of the last couple of stressful weeks, i have been through a lot of pressures from work, and from her, so i've taken quite a beating to my self-esteem, and right now, I feel like I need her to come just because I want to hold her, because just being with her would help me alot. But she will not come just for my benefit. She wants to come when I'm healthy and confident, and ready to give her life. I don't know, I feel like I've taken such a beating from her... she made me feel really guilty about hurting her by not trusting her. I admit, it is my problem, but, really... I can understand that she is hurt, but I still don't fully see the reason why... I mean, my ex didn't trust me once, but I thought it was just funny - there's no reason why not to trust me. My gf now was really hurt that I didn't trust her. Not only that, she does have kidney problems, and their flaring up now. In these two weeks, she never told me she was hurt!!! She just asked me for space, so I gave it to her, not knowing that she was mad... how was I suppose to know?? In anycase, I know this sounds bad, but I'm kind of glad she's not coming now. It just seems that I'm dragging her down with my issues, and she doesn't deserve that. I feel really bad doing that to her, and she made sure I feel bad by telling me constantly, over and over again today. Have you ever felt like you have been pummelled by nonstop punches? Well, that's what I felt like today. I felt like I was pummelled nonstop. I mean, she still didn't say, outright that she won't come, but I kind of said to her to please book her "ultrasound for her kidneys" this Friday - her health is more important of course. And I don't want her to come and forget about her health. But, I thought she didn't want to come just because of her health. After the talk today, its deeper than that. Not only because of her health, but because I didn't trust her 2 weeks ago. Any thoughts?
  2. I was thinking of that, but tickets are so way expensive!!! Should I do it?
  3. the worst of my fears have come true. she is not coming. i am heartbroken. the first night, i couldn't stop crying... she said that i would be forcing her to come if she were to come. how much pain can a heart take before it breaks once again?? you start healing it the last time it broke... you thought it was healed, but not no it hasn't
  4. Hi Zimetra and novaseeker, Thank you so much for your responses - really!!! I am so appreciative, and I hope your LDR's are going well. I hope maybe one day, I can offer advise, but maybe now, I should just take it. Zimetra - you are exactly right. I totally understand that she needs space now. All this weekend, I didn't call her, and I let her call me today. We talked for like 30 minutes today. She is EXHAUSTED!! So yeah, of course I will give her space. At the same time, she is getting sick, so I'm super worried. She has a kidney problem, and has diarhea now. Also, she's got a dry cough, which she has always had and is in danger of it turning into something worse if she isn't careful. So, I'm worried about her, and can't stand the fact that I can't call her because I'm giving her space. But, I just try to calm myself down, just write her emails when I feel like talking to her, but I don't actually phone her. She forgot that she is coming to see me in less than 10 days... I'm losing her. I don't even know if she wants to come even. I'm so scared to be honest, but I don't want to tell her I'm scared because then, she might run away or something... I don't know. I really want to see her and be with her. But now that she's sick... I don't know what to do. I told her is she's too sick, of course, her health is more important, so she wouldn't come. But at the same time, I told her if she came, I could take care of her for 5 days at least. I want to take care of her. It just hurts my heart to see her like this. She says she can take care of herself, but she gets sick all the time... what can I do?? Novaseeker - you are right... I think we are on different pages. She told me she has healed from her ex... but really, she still works for him every day... and sees him everyday... so, that's got to be impossible, or she's just lying to herself. At first, I didn't mind that she vented to me about her ex... then, she told me she felt bad for me that I had to listen to her talking about her ex. Okay, there was this one time where I told her I wouldn't mind if she stopped talking about her ex... but I said to her that I don't mind because I wanted her to heal from her ex completely, so that there would be no baggage brought into our relationship. So, your right. She's still trying to heal, and hence, she'd rather be with her friends more than me... and that's fine. So, I am giving her space. I don't call her unless she calls me. I'm just really scared though that she won't come to see me... I'm really scared. I'm really going to be in bad shape if that happens. My heart will be broken once again. My last LDR ended that way... I was suppose to go see her, but she didn't want to see me. I bought the ticket and everything, and she just refused to see me or talk to me in anyform... emails, phone, etc... Now, I bought the ticket for her to come see me, and I'm afraid she's not going to come. I'm so scared of that... I'm so scared of feeling rejected again. I know she's sick too, so I can't blame her for not coming. I'm just sick of how my LDRs are always so hard. Okay... sorry... really needed to vent. God bless you guys for your posts. TAke care. Kung fu
  5. Thanks Zimetra for your response. Well, here's what happened, and I'm so ashamed of myself. I was having such a tough time, that I called my gf and asked her if we could talk because I really needed to talk to her, and vent out what was happening to me. But that day, she was going out with her friends, and said she could talk to me later, but we have a 3 hour time difference, so by the time she got home, it would be 4am my time, and so I couldn't wait, and I felt like I was pestering her, and being a big burden to her. At one point, she was standing outside the bar, and it was cold, and she told me that, so I asked her to go inside, but she said I don't care about her. That's not true. I do care about her, alot. I was just having a really tough time that day. I was desperate so to speak for some support, but she could not provide it. She herself, I might add, is going through a rough time. She just broke up from her live in bf of 1.5 years, just a month ago, just moved into her new place just 1 month ago, is working two jobs to support her parents, and does not actually have "legal" status here in the Canada. So, I felt like I was a burden on top of her many burdens, and that's not good - I know. I feel so bad that I did that to her, and that night, I was ready to just let her go because I felt I was dragging her down instead of pushing her up. But the next day, I talked to one of my colleagues, and he said I had a good chance of being renewed for my contract job, so I felt a huge load off my shoulders, and that day, just crashed and slept for 16 hours. Needless to say, when I woke up, I felt so bad for what I had put my gf through - the way I pushed my feelings of desperation onto her, and basically begged her to help me, but she wouldn't. Honestly, I am a bit disappointed that she did not in anyway try to help me or console me in anyway. When I called her for the fifth time that day, she told me, "she was not having fun with her friends" and that was because of me. I felt bad, but at the same time, I was going through a crisis here... I don't know. Okay, maybe it wasn't that big of a crisis, but it was to me. I had given up relationships, and alot for my career and I was in danger of losing it. I know the career doesn't make the man - I know, but I felt like I had nothing - not even my girlfriend who is supposedly my girlfriend who should supposedly at least try to help me. But I understand that she's gone through alot of changes too this past month. ALOT. I was really afraid, from the very beginning that this was going to be a rebound relationship for her, and it seems like its turning that way from just the way she acts. I don't know. At the beginning, we talked about our future together, having kids, talking about family... etc. Now, there's no mention of that at all. She is satisfied with just talking on the phone for just 10-15 minutes, and sometimes, not at all. She would rather spend all of her time with her friends. I bought a ticket for her and she's going to come in less than two weeks, but she hasn't mentioned anything about that in like a week. Yah - at the very beginning, I was afraid I was going to be a rebound. I really hate that. All those things she said to me about the future... although I was skeptical at first, I began to believe it. Now, all my fears are starting to come true. I am starting to think this was just a rebound relationship for her. For me, I admit I made some mistakes... but, I don't think that if she really serious about me, would she just let go of me because of that?? I don't know, can someone help me?? I do love her, and I think she is the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I have given her space because she has asked me to give her space. But I'm afraid that this space is going to turn into permanent space. She said she will definitely call me tomorrow. I told her I have trust her to make the best decision for us, because I really do. She has gone through more life experiences than me, and has been through more stuff than me, and I think she is a good judge of people and where relationships are going. I don't know. I feel so helpless, yet I know things will turn out the way they should in the end. I cried alot yesterday. I know this is a turning point in our relationship. I am not going to kid myself. I am expecting the worse tomorrow when we talk on the phone, if she manages to actually call me, and stops avoiding me. She says she just wants to work now and have nothing on her mind. Doesn't that sound like avoiding the situation?? I am doomed once again aren't I? This will be the second long distance relationship that has failed for me, if it indeed fails. Anyways, thanks for letting me vent. I attatch a letter I sent to her recently. God bless everyone here on this forum. Kung fu Hi XXXXX, I hope you are feeling better. I apologize once again for what I've put you through this past few days. I was truly going through a tough time, where I did not honestly know what to do and was scared of what might happen to me in the future. You were the only one I thought I could turn to at that momment, and that is why I felt I was so desperate: its because at that time, you were the only light I could see in my future. I'm sorry to have put you through that, especially since you did not want that. I should have just turned to my family, who although will worry about me, will always be there for me, or to XXXX or some old friends. I am not sure what you are thinking about our relationship now, but I just want to let you know that I trust your decision with us. I know that you are much more a better judge of a person and relationships than I am, because you have more experience and have been through more life experiences than I have. I respect you, I respect what you have gone through, what you are going through now, and I respect your life and what you want in a healthy relationship and partner. That is why I feel comfortable trusting the decision you make with where our relationship will go. I hope you know how much you mean to me, although these past few days, mabye you cannot see that. I hope you can feel that I love you, and just want the best for you. I can tell you that I know and feel that you are good for me, and that you are the person I want to be with. I'm at work here for the rest of the day. Please give me a call here when you are ready. If not, just let me know when. Love always, Me She did not call, but wrote this email to me: Hi Me, Thank you for your emails! I've just got up and have to get ready to work. As you know already, I haven't had such good sleep for a long long time. I even told my mom to not call me and just let me sleep the whole weekend. It was super busy last night at the night market, probably bcoz it is the last weekend until next summer. There's only 4 ppls working tonight so i will be really busy as well. I hope you understand why i haven't call. I'd rather just not have anything in my mind right now and just go to work. I would definitely give you a call tomorrow. Honestly, I really thank you for giving me spaces this weekend. Have to go... XXXXX
  6. i try to keep busy with myself... i am so busy... i hate the city i'm living in... my job is too stressful... what's a guy to do?? my job is basically to think, and in my offtime, i can't stop my brain from going overdrive on thinking too much... i'm sorry i'm complaining so much... its just that NOTHING has gone my way ever since i moved to this place... NOTHING... the first time, i had to leave my gf of 2 years... now, i meet another girl who i absolutely adore, but she is living in a different city (we met in a mutual city none of us both lived in for a mutual friends wedding). i know you guys are ausome... i so wish i had the same strength, and conviction as you guys... i really have no idea what to do... really. its like this long distance thing is a crapshoot for me. its like a lottery... i can never get a handle on it. sorry, i really needed to vent. my long distance girlfriend and i are having troubles... or should i say, i'm having troubles. its renewal year for my contract job here, and i've been way stressing on it to the point where i've basically think i'm useless. i've been here 3 years at my job and what have i got to show for it?? yes, some experience at teaching, a tiny wee bit of research done... and nothing else... my spiritual life is also suffering, my physical side is also suffering - i think i lost 15 lbs... everything is just not going my way, and my girlfriend doesn't know... she's too busy having fun... and doesn't care. of course, she is not responsible for my happiness, but if she told me she was going through something, i would certainly make time to talk to her about it. ok, there was this time when she needed me to stick around, and i asked her, i could, and actually, i didn't want to leave her hanging like that, but she just told me to go, so i went. but i told her i would come back early to talk, but then she insisted i shouldn't so i didn't. okay, just venting. i need to vent. its just all wrong... i hate being apart. she even told me though, once that she was glad we were doing long distance because it lets us get to know each other. i mean, the last thing i want is to be apart, and she says its a good idea? i don't know. also, i told her one big secret of mine in the past that i'm ashamed of. maybe because of that, she is slowing letting me go by torturing me. somebody please just shoot me. am i nuts?? please, honestly, somebody tell me if i'm nuts, because if i am, then really, i would feel better. okay. wow. i can still talk for hours. the circumstances when this relationship started is also something to talk about. i mean, we got together RIGHT AFTER she broke up with her live in boyfriend, like literally like 2 days after. i guess that's why our relationship is starting off so tumoltuously... it was maybe doomed from the beginning. why oh why did i do this to myself? why can't i be strong enough to just say no?? why do i always give in to cute girls who seem to be needed to be "saved" when in fact, i'm the one who needs to be saved!! not them. okay. i'll shut up now. there is this chinese saying that says that birds are in danger of getting their feet tangled. men are in danger of saying too much and tangling their relationship. maybe that's my problem. i think too much as the above poster has said. i should just keep busy. but i try too!! its just so hard living in this city, with the friends i have, i don't know.
  7. Why are long distance relationships so hard!! I swear, the first one I had ended up failing - why do I think it will be different the second time around?? We're both busy people and we won't give up our time... what to do?? I guess one of us has to... so... I don't know... somebody please help!!
  8. Yes... marriage is hard work. Whoever thought everyone lived happily ever after should be shot! I guess you do live happily, but at the level where you are happy because you have to do the work required to keep a healthy, loving and growing relationship, e.g., marriage. Yes... people continually change. That is why when two people marry, they should be strong in themselves, in their own identity, in who they are, in who they want to be. Otherwise, when one of the partners goes through a crisis, or is sick, then the other must be strong (or flexible in some cases) in themselves, in their own identity, and have enough faith in their relationship to keep it together (ditto goes for the one going through crisis or sickness). It is hard... I know, but is shouldn't be too hard. I see it everyday through my parents, my friends, my siblings relationships. Even in my own.
  9. Well said to everyone in this thread... I applaud your strength and love to your former partners. It will be alright. I can tell you this. Its a lesson you have to learn... life, and undoubtely, mature, healthy relationships are not that easy. You have to see how hard and how sad it is, before you truly see and appreciate what life and relationships are all about - all the little things, not the big things. Take care everyone, and God bless.
  10. Hi everyone!! I can't believe it. Two days after she told me she didn't have the same feelings as I did for her, SHE TOLD ME SHE HAD THE SAME FEELINGS!! Oh my goodness. I almost cried. I was soooooooooooo happy. I don't know still though. I'm still a bit afraid, and it will be a long distance too. I will be seeing her in a week. I'm sooooooo nervous. I have to pinch myself daily to make sure this is all real. She is... I can't even describe the feeling she gives me. Whenever we talk, I am soooo nervous... my feelings are so overwhelming sometimes, I can't even breathe. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm trying to be really rational about it... I say to myself I have to be careful... I am falling so fast and hard for her, and SHE IS FEELING THE SAME WAY I DO!! CAn you believe it!! I'm still trying to believe it!! Okay, I'll shut up now. Thanks everyone for letting me vent. God bless everyone on this forum. I came here heartbroken about 2 years ago. Now, I am screaming happiness because I really think she is the one for me. Take care everyone. Kung fu
  11. so, after she tells me she doesn't have feelings for me, then i decide i don't want to be around here anymore, because, to be honest, i can't just be friends with someone i like of the opposite sex. so, i stop contact with her, so i can basically just forget about her - but she keeps contacting me - why can't she just stop! i think its selfish just to keep me around to boost up her own self esteem. i'm just like a play thing to her, someone who will make her feel better. i hate that. she sends me pictures too with her in her bikini. wow. when she pours it on, she pours it on. sorry, just venting.
  12. stomp stomp stomp there goes my heart again for the third, fourth, fifth time i've lost count all there is is a lingering feeling of despair a feeling of uselessness
  13. which will certainly arise and will be too great for one or both of you to handle, at which point you will break up... sad but true. sorry.
  14. it was too good to be true... haha! she just needs alot of support now that she just broke up with her bf... and i guess support from the opposite sex is optimal... oh well... another heart break!! haha! why do i always put myself in these situations?? i just want to meet someone who likes me, and i like her, period. why is it so tough?? i mean, i'm not a hideous guy. i have a pretty good job. i am pretty nice to everyone. okay. i will stop this self pity - but it feels good to vent more so i will. i don't know. so, i've seriously, met three people who i would seriously consider marrying this year, alone - okay - maybe the last year and a half. the first two were recently divorced... and they both moved out of town. the third just broke off a relationship and is out of town too. what is it that draws these women to me?? or its just me i guess. maybe i have to give out the impression that i'm not a nice guy, and that i don't care. you make the bed you sleep in - so just sleep on it and don't bother me until you are ready for a relationship. period. maybe that's what i need to do - sounds mean, but sure might save some heartache. sorry - just venting.
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