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perio

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  • Birthday 07/17/1965

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  1. I.have stopped counting days or months. I think its been about 6 months though. I just wanted to say hang in there and be strong and love yourself first. My life is warm and full again. It does get better!
  2. UPDATE I sent my ex a letter to ask about her family. She did say that she wanted to keep in touch etc. I have only sent a happy seasons note on Thanksgiving. I have been concerned about her wellbeing. I sent this note one week ago today. Hello %&^* How are things going? I am doing well. My girls, mom and I had a really nice holiday season. The girls are doing great in school and are thriving. Since we said “goodbye”, I really took the time to process things. I had some selfish feelings that I had to sort through but then just let them go. I did have a number of more noble feelings and chose to embrace them. I believe last year was actually the single best year of my life. Although many things contributed to such a wonderful year, our time together was a significant part of it. I really want to thank you so much for sharing that time of your life with me. It’s important to me to express to you that you have done nothing wrong. I do realize how important it is for you to do things in the kindest way possible. You were as graceful and kind as anyone could have been. Thank you! I don’t remember ever saying to you that I was “in love with you”. I do remember saying “I love you %&^$”. Sure, there was a “romantic attachment” involved. But %&^$, my love is much bigger than that. I grew to know you and truly love you as a person and you are so worthy of that love. This, in totality, is something that I had not experienced in many, many years. There was just something about you that allowed me to open up my heart and feel so alive again. That was a wonderful gift to me that no other had been able to offer. You have, in fact, changed me forever. I know now that, that part of me had not died and that I can truly love again. %&^$, I have let that romantic attachment go. I have accepted things and I am very much at peace. I am, in fact, moving on. I do however, still love you fully, truly, as a person. You are such a unique and special woman. You remain important to me and I have had some concerns. I have wondered about your wellbeing and how your sister is doing. I have had to go through a similar trial with my father. It was tough and I’m so sorry you have to go down that same road. Please see this note for what it is. If you still wish to “keep in touch”, a brief update would be much appreciated. I don’t wish to be intrusive. I just still care. If you would rather not share with me, that’s OK. In any case, a simple acknowledgement that you have received this email would be a kind gesture. Thank You %&^$ %%%% Today, I get an email from here which is below. Hello %%%%, I have received your e-mail and just wanted to let you know I am doing great. My divorce is final, my boys are great, my sister is doing well and so is everyone else. Life is great for me now. I am still moving forward and have someone very special in my life that I am madly in love with. He treats me better than I have ever been treated and I am truly blessed. Thanks for your e-mail but I am going to say "good-bye" now. I do not believe keeping in touch would be appropriate. I hope you find happiness and love in your future as I have. %&^$ I returned this e-mail %&^$ Thank you for the update. I am so happy to hear you are doing so well and that you have found happiness and the love which you so deserve. I too have found love. Happiness has never escaped me. I allowed a longstanding friendship to evolve shortly after we broke up. It just fell into place. I wouldn’t say I am madly in love but it is love, and just feels good and healthy. It was my experience with you that allowed my heart to open again. My contact with you was with her consent by the way. I completely understand not keeping in contact and I will respect that. Should we never speak again, please know that I will forever be grateful for getting to know you. When I think of you %&^$, a smile comes to my face. Thanks again for the update. May the happiness you have found continue to grow and flourish. %%%% I am so much at peace now. I really am happy for her. Although I know she has a rough road ahead with her sister, I am glad to know she is still doing well. I will be cocerned for her no more. I really feel good at this point. I have posted this update on my thread asking for input. Should anyone wish to coment, please do so on that thread. I wont be posting on the no cotact challange thread again. I have had the last tiny bit of closure now and it feels very nice. Thanks and good luck to you all.
  3. I don't know about that. I'm not trying to toot my horn here, but I think I'm on the happy side of average on most measures. On paper, I have all the stereotypical things that society deems desirable. I have not trouble finding company. I say this because I really don't think it matters much. I grew up in a trailer on the wrong side of town. I have pulled myself up and now my life is just the opposite. I think physically attractive people and people with high socioeconomic status may have more choices. I do however, think that men take the end of a relationship harder than do women in general. I think woman are actually tougher emotionally than men. If a guy just goes to the next, which happens, I think it may be with more baggage than you might expect. I have.let go of The romantic connection with my ex,, but still have deep concern and feel a type of connection to her still. I think.men are.more sentimental than otherwise thought as also. By the way, character, and the "underdog" qualities are what does it for me, much.more so than looks.
  4. Somewhere around 15 weeks. I am doing well and am in a relationship with a wonderful woman. I am very happy now. I tend to be a positive person and a serviver. I don't have to resist trying to contact her. I really have no compulsion to. I have let the romantic componate slide away. I was a little emotional yesterday though. It wasn't that I was missing my ex. It was that I am really beginning to embrace some very deep feelings for my current girlfriend. I would call it being a bit garded. I don't like the thought of loosing faith in people or the idea of a truly loving relationship. I brought this up the her and I was amazed at how well she spoke about things. It was really comforting to share my feelings and have them heard. She is very practical and secure. I emerged from our conversation inspired. I think it times down to just accepting things as they are and not trying to fight for what you may think things look like. I really wish I could have a conversation with my ex. I have no compulsion to reach out but would to be able to connect on a mature, caring level. I have almost always remained in contact in some form with all my exes. I have treated them properly and this has always paved the way for some contact, however infrequent. About 6 weeks ago, a woman I dated reached out to me because she was having conflict with her ex husband. I suggested we meet for a bite to eat. We met up after having only one or two phone conversations over the last year. We both were comfortable and connected in a really nice way. I just listened and offered my input when asked. We hugged goodbye and that was that. It was really very nice and I was honored that she trusted me enough to share something so important to her. Another woman from last year keeps in touch almost monthly. She is in a 7 month relationship and is happy. I am so happy for her as well. I don't know what'll happen with my ex but I hope to someday be able to connect on some level. I just genuinely like her and care about her. I just think its too soon and maybe in another 6-12 months. Who knows. I justbwas sad that the woman I actually loved so deeply was so out if reach. I have stopped wondering how her sister is doing list completely. After my conversation with my girlfriend, I felt even more close to her. I don't like hiding what us going on in my head if its important to me. She say it for what it was and it turned into a very bonding discussion. I don't know if I'm making any sense here. I became even more at peace and that was facilitated by my girlfriend. How things wind around and come about is just amazing.
  5. About 3 1/2 mo Using "thought stoping" to stop trying to make sense of things and worry about her. She knows she could reach out to me if she were in distress. I trust she is doing ok. At this point in time I have no idea of how her sister is doing. That makes things easier for me. Maybe she is doing me a favor ny not keeping in touch. Im sure its helping her too. I don't really think of her last night. I had a great with my new girlfriend. It feels good and is going well. Just on a human to human context, I still care for my ex and wish her all the nest and a happy new year.
  6. About 14 weeks Im feeling pretty good. Questions still linger but I keep from spending much time on them. I really wish I knew how she is doing and how her sister is making it. I do worry about these things but try to keep that to as little time as possible. Im am sure Im in a place where I would keep my emotions under control if I were to commuicate with her. I dont see her reaching out just to fill me in. I think I would only stutter step if she where to indicate an iterest in a relationship. I could not immagine that happening though. I am firmly on the side of staying apart at this stage for some time to come. I dont wrestle with staying away decision. I am very sure I will not contact her again. Its just that two humans that shared once should be able to touch base and say hi from time to time. I keep in loose touch with most of my exes and it appears to be a good thing for all. hhmmm.
  7. Piruru I think it’s wise to be cautious about this fella that you find feelings for. I have a friend of over two years that I am now involved with. We are taking it slowly and she is aware of my breakup and the processing that I have had to do. I have been honest with her. I have tried to go slowly and in a “healthy” way with her. It’s going well and I do believe it has helped get perspective and moved along the healing process. I guess what I am trying to say is that when you are ready; I would take a step in that direction. I don’t know if we are ever “ready” for a relationship, kind of like being ready to have kids. There always seems to be more work to do. I think if you’re honest with people and take small steps, engaging in someone else can be a good thing, even if it’s just to grab some coffee or a movie. Merry Christmas
  8. 13 weeks today. Well, a bit of a surprise last night. My ex wife gets the girls tonight and all next week for Christmas. This morning was our Christmas and it was wonderful. However, In the middle of the night as I was looking for a charger, I came accross notes that my ex had hidden to have me find unexpectedly. They were from last summer and were sweet and very powerful. I was caught completely by surprise and simply wepted. I wept not out of needless but out of grief. I realized there is still work to he done. It was like hearing from a ghost.
  9. 89 days I had a dream about her last night, one of only two since the break up. The first was about 3 weeks after and it was simply a warm beautiful embrace. Last nights dream was in a social setting. I don't remember exactly what happened because I deliberately did not think about it afterward, maybe I should have. I really hope she is doing well. My emotions are a little high because of the season but are in check. They actually are not negative but continplative in nature and reflective. I am so fortunate to have all that all that I have in my life and to have had a wonder relationship with her. I am ready now to speak with her should she reach out and fill me in on how things are going. I have always had good relationships with my exes and I hope I can with her as well. Time will tell.
  10. Just over 3 months I am doing well. I don't have the viseral feelings anymore when I think of her. I remain concerned and still try to make sense of things in her last two letters and our last.conversation. I realize.this is my final stage of letting go and I'm almost there. I am now employing some techniques to end my lingering thoughts about my ex so that I think of her no more. I will list the books I have read and these techniques on this thread and in a separate "resource thread" so that.others might find them helpful. I am in a relationship at this time and its going very well. I am building on my already existing positive and true feelings. We have been friends for years and it kind of just fell into place. She is an amazing woman. I don't know where it is going but I am allowing it to progress. I am committed to leave my ex to her own path. I wish her all the.best and hope she can enjoy her sister for as.long as possible. There is no doubt that my new relationship has been key in my processing. I would not have entered into a new relationship with anyone else. This just happened to be a unique situation. I dint know what the.future will hold but things do get better.
  11. Hang in there everyone! It does get better. It really does.
  12. 3 months today A lot changes in 3 months if you can get out of the way of your emotions. I mean to sit with those feelings, label them, "objectify" them, and then let them go. I refuse to let this define me. Changes happen faster than I expected. I trust that my ex is doing the right thing for herself at this point in her life. I realize that its not what happens to you that defines you but how you choose to respond that defines you. I have read 6-7 books in the last 3 months, exercised more and engaged my friends much more. I keep reminding myself of all that I am geeatful for, including my time with my ex. She is a lovely person and I wish her all the best.
  13. Almost 3 months There is a book called "Uncoupling" that i hve found very helpful. It really describes the dynamics of both sides and the stages we go through. It speaks to a process of redefining "relationship, Self and Other". piruru. Your post got me thinking about that. I find myself "redefining" my ex and our relationship. I think I was so happy to have the loving feelings that I thought I may have lost forever, that I projected them onto my ex. Maybe I loved the way I felt around her mor than her, herself. In anycase, I dont find myself upset or emotional about the breakup anymore. I wish her the best and hope she is doing well. I am sure she make the best decision for her at this time in her life and that means that it was also the best decision for me as well. The company of my new girfriend is amazing. It was a friendship that has taken a fomantic turn. I did not run into her arms. It just kind of fell into place. Things are going well. There is good comunication and no drama. It feels good to be at peace. I still dont understand the breakup but have accepted it. I am a fixer and problem solver by nature so I can get caught up in an effort to understand rather than just flowing with it.
  14. About 3 months I have been dating a wonderful woman and a friend of over two years. Well, she told me last night that she is in love with me. I dis not return the sentiment but I did say she is becoming increasingly important to me and that I care for her greatly. She took that very well. She has known me for some time. We have only been friends until recently. She is very secure and is not the needy type. I really don't want to get back with my ex but um really not ready to open my heart completely at this point. I'm very happy with her and have no desire to date anyone else. This could have had really negative consequences but she is understanding of my current position. This kinda just fell into place. I want looking to dive into a serious relationship at this point. I'm trying to keep it as healthy as possible. I guess what I am trying to say that a lot can happen in 3 months. Life goes on. I am still dealing with questions about the breakup and wondering how her sister is doing. It's simply a concern about someone that has been an important pertain to me. It's not a yearning at thus stage. It's easy to push those thoughts out of my mind at this point. I dis not run into the arms of another to get Iver my ex. I have been honest and as thoughtful as I could. I look forward to spending more time with her. It feels very good. So I guess I would say, be careful, people have their own time lines. Healing does happen if you just put your mind elsewhere.
  15. Hey beancouter Would ou let us know when you catch yourself not thinking about him? I know it may sound silly. I understand your consumed at this point. I guess what I am trying to say that it gets better and I am looking forward to the day you tell us that only a portion of your day was spent thinking of him. Hang in there
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