Jump to content

tiger_lilies

Members
  • Posts

    695
  • Joined

About tiger_lilies

  • Birthday 07/31/1976

tiger_lilies's Achievements

Proficient

Proficient (10/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Posting Machine Rare
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done

Recent Badges

1

Reputation

  1. Thank you all for your replies. Raykay, you're right when you suggested there are more reasons for me to be hesitant with this relationship going further. I fear that I have dug myself into a hole with this man as I am terrified of being hurt (same as everyone else) plus he is in my circle of friends...I am afraid of gaining a bad rep of being a "player". I know, it's silly of me to think this, but can't help it. I don't want to miss out on such a great "catch"...and he certainly is a great catch. I am attracted to his personality...he is super easy to be with and it's very evident that his feelings are much stronger than mine. Perhaps I am just afraid of commiting myself to him when I am so scared of being hurt...guess that's my problem and not his. Sbrew21, thank you for your comment. I too also dated a man who I didn't find attractive at first...we were friends for 3 years before we finally became a couple (the relationship lasted 3 years after that). After he cheated on me, I vowed to myself that I would only date men that I find physically attractive...but as I started dating good looking men, I realised that they have zero personality. So the man in question now, is someone I hesitantly decided to date due to the non-physical attraction. However we have such a great time with each other, plus we have many mutal friends which makes it that much more easier to see him. Kellbell, you're absolutely right about attraction not having any rhyme or reason...I wish it did. Don't know how to get past this...I feel almost guilty...like I'm leading him on...I know I'm not because my intentions are genuine. But are they if I look down on him in this light?
  2. I am dating a wonderful man who is practically everything that I want in a man. He is kind, considerate, smart, funny, etc. The list goes on and on. BUT...(seems there is always a "but") he is very short and small in overall size (height). I have always been with men who have been much taller than me. I am roughly 5'3 and the men I find myself attracted to have always been around 6 feet. When I first started dating this man, I told myself that height/size should not make any difference since it's the personality that counts most. However now that things seem to be getting more serious, I am finding myself holding back because of some nagging feeling...I recently pin-pointed it to being this man's height/weight. I am being shallow aren't I? I don't want to be shallow....so how do I get over this "hump"? Anyone have a simialr experience and how they got over it?
  3. Touch is the best way of getting past that question mark of real flirtation or "just friends" syndrome. Meaning, when you talk to him, not only are you doing what everyone else above has suggested, but also touch his arm or fix his hair...or joke about something and purposely pull him close to you...get what I mean? Do it in subtle ways. Have fun!
  4. I believe that statement is true. Generally guys tend to chase woman in the hopes that sex will occur, where as girls tend to look at the new budding relationship more innocently. Many men that I meet always want to pursue a romantic relationship and I find that giving them the "I only see you as a friend-talk" is hard to do even with a lot of practice.
  5. I've noticed, especially in my career, that many woman these days choose not to change their last name. It's becoming more modern now for women not to change their name to that of their husbands.
  6. Gosh John, you're inbetween a rock and a hard place with this one. Work relationships are risky already, but she's also in a long term relationship. It is ultimately her choice if she decides to pursue things with you so I suggest that you continue being the wonderful person you are and essentially wait for her to make herself more openly available. You are receiving vague signals probably because that is what I'm guessing she is purposely sending out. She must enjoy your company but wants to keep it friendly due to work and her long term boyfriend. By the sounds of it, you've already made your move by suggesting more personal dates, but if she hasn't bitten yet, then she may not be as open to such a date. You'll just have to wait for her to figure things out for herself. I know it kills to be in such a situation, but honestly, you have no other choice...unless you start pursuing someone new. Good Luck buddy.
  7. I think that the evidence speaks for itself. Use your common sense. What does his constant lying tell you about him? He lied to you when you first confronted him, then he lied to you again and then yet again. He is sorry he got caught, not because it was a "moment of madness". Pahhhleease! Lose this loser! You deserve much better than to constantly wonder if he's cheating on you or not.
  8. I think that most guys, when they become friends with girls, chances are that the guy will always want more than just friendship. That's just how the game is played. It's up to the girl (or person who's being pursued) to clarify the relationship. It's easier said than done, I know. But in order to ensure that someone doesn;t get hurt, it must be done!
  9. That's exactly my point! She did not say anything remotely close to the above statement. Her attitude and words were a direct attack at me. This is why I'm having such a hard time figuring out what I should do. Should I try to be the bigger person and go back to her saying that I will indeed save up to please her? I want to be there for her...but it certainly feels like I am once again putting my life on hold for her, even if it is for something as big as her wedding. I'm confused. Most of my other close friends who know her or know of her say that they have no idea why I even bother making the effort to be her friend since she has this way of using her friends for her benefit. It's ture, I must say. Sigh....I guess I will have to see how things go. It's unfortunate that our friendship has to end like this. Such a waste.
  10. Thank you guys again for your replys and opinons. I really don't feel it's right to ask her to pay for my expense, nor to ask her rich father to pay either. If she offered, then I would happily accept, but asking them to foot the bill is just not me. By the way, she hasn't offered to pay for me because she doesn't have the finances...it's her rich father and family that are paying for everything. Jinx, I have felt that our friendship has been one sided for the last couple of years now. We've been friends for maybe...5 or 6 years and I am finally starting to see what everyone else around me complains about. I find that I am constantly dropping whatever I'm doing to rush to her to hold her hand through any turmoil that she is going through. She has this way of twisting her words to make things come out to better suite her. She does not consider my feelings and constantly is trying to create drama for me. I have found myself feeling emotionally drained. This was my clue that something doesn't feel right about our friendship anymore. When she asked me to be her bridesmaid, I was both honored and horrified to be honest. I knew that it would be nothing but drama. If her attitude was different, meaning she accepts the fact that I can't afford it and didn't try guilt tripping me into it, then I believe that I would save up to go and feel better about it.
  11. Thanks guys...another argument based on the bride's opinion is that the wedding is still a year away and that should be enough time for me to save up for this trip. If I am a "good friend" shouldn't I do just that? The story is more complicated than what I had posted but this is basically what is going on at present. We have not spoken to each other for almost one week and I am wondering if I should call her to apologize and tell her yes, I'll save up the money to be there for her.... Or I could just use this as my last excuse to cut ties with this person because our friendship has always felt one-sided to me. She also said that if the roles were reversed, that she would drop everything to be there for me if I wanted my wedding in Hawaii. Little does she understand that I would never ask my family and friends to pay such an expense just to see me get married. What do you guys think I should do to rectify this situation? Is there even a fair outcome for the both of us and our "friendship"?
  12. My close friend who is getting married next year. She has asked me to be her bridesmaid to which I am honored at. She has since decided to have her wedding in Hawaii since her father will pay for all their expenses. Flight, accomidations, etc. My friend has demanded, not asked, but demanded that I place my own expense for the trip to Hawaii on my visa so that I can be by her side during this special time. She didn't even ask me if I could afford it, she just told me to put it on my visa. The problem? I cannot afford such an expense for her. I estimate it will cost me roughly $1500 for the weekend. I am barely making my bills every month and was hoping to spend any leftover money on other expenses on myself. I politely declined the invitation and told her my reasons. She immediately accused me of trying to sabatoge her wedding and that she is disappointed in me as a friend because I am not willing to pay for my own expense to stand by her side on this important day. I am furious at her for these accusations. Do I have the right to be pissed off at her?
  13. Scott, you are quite the husband. I don't know of many men who could honestly be as wonderful as you sound in your posts. You give me hope for myself because the love you speak of for your wife astounds me. Your wife is growing into a sexual creature she has always desired to be. Good for her and her new confidence. I hope that it gets only better from this point on. Take Care!
  14. This one is easy for me cause I've been there and done exactly what you're doing now. I'm giving it to you straight...you're being his doormat for allowing him to have any of your time. He has betrayed you and yet you still allow him into your life. You have to be the strong one and release him, for good. Meaning, cut him off completely. The longer you allow him to be with you, the less available you are to meet the man of your dreams. If you have this loser around, you are less likely to be in situations that will promote interaction with new people. Does that make sense? Yes, I understand that he is probably cute and charming and all those wonderful things that made you fall for him in the first place, however you have also witnessed the evil/negative side of him and that's what you should not forget. It's easy to pretend to be the better person, which is what he's doing now, but that person will fade. He was obviously NOT thinking about how hurt you'll be once finding out about his lies and betrayal. If he can get away with it the first time, what makes you think he won't try harder to not get caught the second time? You'll be living with mistrust in your heart. It WILL NOT go away. Save yourself the hassel and bite the bullet now. Release the hounds! Be happy with yourself and know that you deserve the best!
  15. My two cents...when my ex cheated on me I immediately did no contact. He begged and pleaded for any sort of communication from me and even wrote this big sob letter 6 months after our breakup crying about how lonely he is now. Well, I have never responded to any of his requests to talk to me simply because in a way, I wanted to punish him for betraying me. Kinda like, I hoped that my silence was deafening. It was my silent way of revenge. He may just have moved on emotionally...or may be pissed off at the break up and just doesn't feel he needs to show you the respect of responding to any of your requests. I say cut your losses and forget about him.
×
×
  • Create New...