pyropinup

that you can't even realize the contribution you made to our relationship. We have this huge fight and you say "yeah let's talk about this in a few weeks". Then when I call you you don't reply. I tried again a few weeks after that - no reply. Then we end up taking the same training together and you greet me like it's neutral, and I you. OK. I was feeling strong after talking it through therapy that you were narcissistic... I can be codependent but don't want to be. I felt strong. Then I see you looking at me during several times over the next week at the training. We even hold our gaze at each for a few seconds. Then you come sit next to me for one day and try to engage me in talking by saying you're hungover... We take a conflict resolution quiz that shows how we normally handle conflict and I see you looking at mine and then I look at yours and you say to me while smiling " I know what I need to work on". and I say the same. Then we laughed. Then you ask me if I wanted to punch you... How does violence solve anything? Is that how you solve all your problems? I reply "no" and you say good... Then after the training is done you leave and don't even say anything to me. You wave goodbye... I had a feeling you would do this =- that you wouldn't take the scary step of coming over and wanting to talk. I wonder if you were expecting me to come over because you waited awhile before driving away when I was outside. Don't you realize that I did try to communicate with you and that you denied me? I see we wouldn't have made a good partnership anyway. I don't want to compete all the time with my partner.

I would try LC..check in with him every now and then (like maybe every couple of weeks or month), be nonchalant, and ask how's he's doing, say you hope he's OK. Don't make it seem like it's a big deal that you are calling him. Then, allow him the space and time to determine when to call you back. And don't obsess if he doesn't call you back right away! If, he doesn't call you back within a reasonable amount of time (you determine that), then work even harder to keep yourself busy and to not get down on yourself if you don't hear from him... if you don't hear a reply from a platonic friend, do you get all bent out of shape? good luck.. I broke NC with the guy I was dating and left a message for him yesterday.. haven't heard from him yet but any way this goes, I am ok with it... even if he doesn't call me ever again.

If he's wanting that space, then it might be wise to give it to him... you've been talking now again, so he knows you know he exists... I'd let him work it through and be supportive of him, from a distance... some people need to work things out on their own and as much as others feel they are helping them by supporting them, it can in the long run frustrate them and resent that caring behavior...

Did he break NC or did you? What sort of effort is he showing that makes you think he's wanting to work it out with you? I will be finding this out tomorrow.. I am going to break NC for a neutral reintroduction.

I agree Griffey. I am no longer angry with him; I just want to move on, whether it's with him or without him. I think since both of us have competitive natures that we will each be waiting for the other to "break down" and contact first. At least, I was competitive before. Now, I am willing to put aside my pride and make one attempt at contact for the sake of regaining my inner peace. Time to stop being childish and * * * -for-tat; I am an adult who has grown from this experience. I want to share that growth, and I know full well that it may not be with him.. It's been 30 days today since our fight and the start of NC. He did break it about 10 days into it to share some test results with me, which I wasn't sure he would do (this does mean a lot to me and I replied to him that it did), so obviously he cares about me to some extent to do this even in light of our disagreement and NC vow? On Sunday, it will be 32 days. i will call him and be neutral about it all. "What's up? How are you? I want to get together for coffee or lunch as friends." DAY 30