Silent Lucidity

we were apart for 2and a half months. Felt like a year. Yes, she dated some short, fat loser who worked a lame job and hung out all night with his friends and drank right after the break up. Days after. Hang in there and don't contact her. If it was meant to be she will come back to you and it will be on your terms.

I think a lot more couples get back together than is percieved. You might want to read my story, just do a search under my nick. I am back with my ex after being apart for 2 and a half months. The no contact rule worked very well. I think each situation is different, but the general rules apply to most cases and should be followed to a tee. I am more than willing to help anyone who needs advice or has a question. I can't tell you how grateful I am to this site and the no contact rule for helping me get through the toughest phase in my life.

Determined, just like to let you know that me and my ex are back together. It does happen and the no contact rule works if applied properly. Each situation is different and I think in some cases there should be some tinkering with the no contact rule. The most important thing is that the no contact rule will teach you to move on and not lose self-esteem and confidence. I think we all seek someone who is confident and secure in who they are. So at the worst you move on and keep your chin up high. Or you might get the ex back and make her feel as though she really blew it. this is how my ex feels. She is constantly apologizing for breaking up with me and constantly tells me how big of a mistake she made and how sorry she is. This is in large part due to the no contact rule. I am not completely over the hurt and it still bothers the hell out of me that she dated a guy who can't compare to me so soon after our breakup, but the past is the past and mistakes are made. We all make them, but not all learn from them. Those that do succeed in life. Stay confident and never lose you pride. Exes do come back. But let it be on your terms....

Just writing to update everyone as to my situation. I have good news.Me and my ex-g/f are back together. We got back together on Valentine's day. I followed the rules of no contact to a tee and it worked well. But, I have to say that in the end she came back to me because she realized she loved me and that I was the one. No amount of games or schemes would have changed that much. The Key was that the no contact rule showed her that I am worth fighting for, that I have pride and that I can survive without her. This is crucial. I resumed my life and moved on confidently. I resumed meeting people and got my life on track . Nobody wants a doormat or somebody who is desperate and extremely needy. They want someone confident, secure and proud of who they are without any arrogance. The no contact rule made her realize this sooner. I think if I had called her sometimes and remained heavily in the picture she would still have come back to me, but it would have been at least 6 months or years later. Perhaps too late. The no contact rule help me get through the toughest time of my life-pure hell. Even if I hadn't gotten back with the ex, I would have still been a much better person having applied those rules. Thanks to all.

One more thing. The no contact rule has given me peace of mind and I am almost completely healed. If I kept contact with the ex I would never have reached this point so fast and smooth.

determined, stick it out. If you feel like calling or making contact just remember these words " I will not contact her.This will help me move on and make her come back to me". Just keep repeating those words. No contact rule is working marvelous in my case. Almost 2 weeks and she has tried to contact me twice-once I didn't pick up and the next time we spoke for 10 minutes and she made some silly excuse that she wanted to share an exam result with me. she went on and on about how she cares about me and wants me to be happy. She has been telling friends that she misses me a lot and that she still loves me .She also mentioned that it was probably a mistake to break up with me. 3 weeks ago that would have been the last thing I expected to hear. Just goes to show that the people here know what they are talking about.

You are far too young and have far too much to live for to be even making any type of categorical statements about your life. Being young is tough.Life has many phases. Gradually you will get beyond this phase and continue to grow as an individual and a person. I am positive that 6 months-year from now you will look back and say, what was I saying ? I have so much to live for and life can be great. Remain positive. In regards to the girl, get to know herl gradually and remain open to being friends first and slowly knowing one another better. Keep your chin up. Martial arts are great for self-confidence. I studied for 5 years akido and kick boxing. Met a lot of great people and my confidence went sky high. Don't bottle anything up. If you need to discuss anything at all- use the forum and I am not adverse to helping any way I can. Keep your chin up. Better days are ahead.

don't initiate any contact. Just make it seem as though you moved on or are moving on. If she calls keep the conversation short and sweet. Don't ask about her personal life or repeat the usual lines" why would you go out with this loser"" why are you with him if you love me" etc. If you do that, she will smell that at any time when she is done "experimenting " you will be waiting for her. Let her think your life is just fine and dandy without her. Keep the conversation general and short. But I repeat don't text and don't call. Keep yourself busy with other things. Life has to go on. I had to convince myself of this. I am doing the no contact thing solidly for about a week. My ex literally flipped out on a mutual friend( her friend) this weekend when he told her how many women are chasing me and how happy and great everybody says I look. She only ever gets that angry when she cares and when something is eating at her. You can imagine the smile on my face

I think you need to go hard on the no contact rule. Don't call or text message at all. if she calls, great...make it seem as though things with you are good and you are not missing a beat. Then be the first to say, ok gotta go. Just don't contact her. This is delaying your progress of getting over her and it isn't helping getting her back at all. She needs to think that you have options and that you aren't sitting by the phone waiting for her. The complete effect of new guy=loser and bonehead, old boyfriend=true love and the right guy is going to be a long process. In the meantime you need to worry about yourself.

Determined- Truth is you are a lot more together than I am presently. I can't sleep, work or eat. I have never felt worse in my entire life. The strange part is that I am very self-confident, yet this has done little to help me in this situation. I work part time as a model, i just recently got discovered and I am meeting all kinds of fantastic people, but even they can sense that something isn't right. tomorrow is 6 weeks and the last few days were the worst of all. is it possible that she loved me for 2 years and after a month fell in love with another guy ? a short fat one ? What is it that I don't see ??? +++I dont know mate, that the scary thing, the girl I met had standards and ambition and now she's settling for the scum of the earth, what's that all about? ++++I hear you. Mine was an innocent wide eyed girl. I taught her to love herself and appreciate who she was....now she has completely gone haywire. Sometimes I think our granparents had it right. They married young, often not knowing each other that great-grew to love one another and lived together forever. Todays society is all about experimenting, b.s finding yourself, sex and trying to determine what the hell you want. I knew what I wanted when I was 17-18....what gives ? Have to say that my ex comes from a dysfunctional family. she never knew her real father and her mother is on her third miserable marriage. You mentioned that pattern with your ex's mother. I am afraid a lot of these things are in the genes or learned at home. I will try to be forgiving, but the truth is a part of me wants to go back to my playboy days. As much as that goes against what I have written thus far. I just remember not giving a damn.....I just might go that route again. I hope you are right and I do have that piece of her heart. I really want to believe that. I do . I just am not sure. I was her first love and she adored me. She often said she would give up her life for me.. I think that is one of the hardest parts. Remembering that and moving on. I am going full speed on the no contact thing. I am going to pretend everything is just grand and I am doing amazing. I will try to stay strong. The next few days are going to be the worst of my life thus far. Thanks for the encouragement. If you have MSN i would love to keep in touch.

Well I had a alot of good days till I found out she was dating someone so fast and that they have already slept together. I don't want to spill all my personal beans but when I met her 2 years ago she was an innocent girl, who had barely ever kissed a guy. I sort of saved her from a loser, who preyed on her innocence. I babied her and for the first time in my life I never rushed a thing. In fact I am proud as a guy that I made her wait even when she told me that she was ready. previously I wouldn't have waited 2 weeks. I truly cherished and nurtured her and we had a great relationship. You are handling this fine. I can tell from your posts.I need to take a pgae from your whole attitude. The fact the guys our exes are dating are losers is somewhat gratifying, but all the same I have to wonder sometimes why ? my ex's friends were shocked to find out we broke up. They couldn't say a thing except that we had a great relationship and that i was one in a million. Felt good but made me just further wonder why....I guess I should stop analyzing and follow the advice that I give out. I just don't know. I just feel devastated and so hurt..... I don't want to judge and I feel it is up to the man upstairs to determine what is right and wrong. I wish her the best and want her to be happy, but the truth is I just don't think she will find anyone half as good as me ever. They always come back-but it is always too late. I just can't see myself forgiving her for all of this.

determined- I hear you big time. My ex is dating a short, fat guy. The complete opposite of me and yeah He preyed on her vulnerability to the point of telling her that he loves her already.Give me a break. of course It takes 2 to tango and perhaps the fact our exes left us for total losers just means they weren't the ones for us. I am really hurt though. I already overcame several health problems in my life, so I know I am strong. But I know 2 guys( bothe mid 20's) who never recovered from their broken hearts. I have an uncle who never married because his true love left him and he never could get over it. I just don't want to end up like that. For the life of me.... How are you handling things ? I am so happy this site exists. At least I don't feel I am alone in this.

Determined- I just found out yesterday that my ex is seeing another guy already- a total loser. So I hear you big time. I don't know when I will get over the sting of that. I am completely devastated and heart broken.

People, I got the worst news yesterday. Apparently my ex is seeing another guy already They apparently recently slept together...I can't believe it A week ago we looked to be reconcilling and she told me she loved me and then I hear this. How can she go out with somebody so soon after we broke up ? THEN SLEEP WITH HIM !! I am totally heart broken. I haven't slept a wink in a day and a half and I refuse to even look at food. The worst part is the guy is a short, fat loser. They were friends ( he was the third party in the original post)and she used to joke about him. I trusted her. I just can't understand it. I mean I work part time as a model and am a pretty successful young entrepeneur who completed university before my 21-st birthday. I was such a good boyfriend and we seemed so in love. Her friends used to say I was one in a million. I feel like the biggest heap of cow....This is the worst news am completely devasted and in need of support.............

Do you think ex's think of those they've dumped? Obviously in a minor relationship it may not be such a big deal, I was living with my ex for 2 years. She is now with some absolute loser?????Can ex's come out of these relationships and resume with their original partner++++Ex's think about those they dumped. You ex thinks about you a lot. Not to worry. The love doesn't go away over night. If she really loved you. a lot of those feelings will last a lifetime. +++She is now with some absolute loser?????Can ex's come out of these relationships and resume with their original partner+++ They can and they do.