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Starrgrl

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About Starrgrl

  • Birthday 09/03/1989

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  1. Sometimes I still wish you could have just been honest with me. Like admit to the cheating. Why one lie after the other even when I told you I knew ? Why continue to make up stories? Why call me up late March and still tell me you never cheated? Why do that? Do you really think I'm that much of a fool? Do you really hold that low a regard for me? Do you really have no respect for me at all? I wish you could have acted the man and been honest. Even once. You know if you have told me 'sorry for the cheating, I know I have problems.' I would have actually respected you alittle for it? But no. Too bad you can never be honest. I wish to never feel like trash again. I am not trash, and I never was. I wish you treated me like I was worth sth. Anyways. Rant over.
  2. So I've been half dialing your number these few days. god. I still wanna hear your voice. It think I need to get amnesia so I can forget that stupid number. I should change my number too. God. I still love you. I feel like a complete fool. But I know there's one thing I can't do and that is phone you up. I can't show you I am still in love with you. That would only pimp your stupid oversized ego. I love you. It still hurts.
  3. So I was really upset yesterday. But after reading an amazing book about healing and moving on, I can say seriously, I forgive you for everything. I forgive you for not being who I had hoped you were. I wish you well. I don't hate you and will never wish for anything but complete happiness to come your way. I'm not going to run away from things. I'm going to deal with them day by day. One day it will all stop hurting. Goodbye T.
  4. I need to STOP dreaming about you =(. Ever dreams so vivid, so real. Every dream involves me trying to get away from you. Please just get out of my head. I still remember how terrified I was in the dream. How faint I felt. I just wish you'd just leave me alone.
  5. So you just rewrote history huh? Apparently you were never in a relationship with me? I hate you. I hate that I wasted my time on you, I hate that I believed that you were a good guy albeit everything. I hate that I fell in love with somebody like you! You're dead to me.
  6. God. I hate you. Even when you're not in my life you still have the ability to screw my mood up. I hate you.
  7. T. Even though you screwed me over so terribly... I can't help but love you still. I really wish I could call you up right now and talk to you. Just hear your stupid beautiful voice. I wish I could just have a glimpse at your face and your amazing smile One Last Time. Eff this.
  8. “Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.” On a random side note. In exactly two months from now, it will be ur birthday. Hmm. Oh those memories of last year are gonna rush back for you aye? =)
  9. I felt quite distraught yesterday afternoon. Starting texting some things but fortunately erased it before I could send it. I miss your voice. I miss you T. I hope you're well, I still think about you every single day. It's hard.
  10. I still remember when he was like a drug to me. I felt so completely addicted to him; he was my air. I've come a long way.
  11. Very close to 5 months NC (if I ignore that 1 call from ex a month ago at 2am that I picked up due to it being private -_- but that doesn't count right lol? Since he called me?). Anyway, other than that, straight up cold turkey haha. Have ignored his 8-9 calls after that. Second attempt at NC is working goooood (first time lasted 118 days) KEEP IT UP GUYS! IT DOES GET EASIER. I'm still not completely over the guy, but I do feel like I got all my self respect back and I feel so much stronger.
  12. Oh and when I close my eyes and envision you. Your smile, your laugh...Your eyes. Your shining eyes. I still can't help but be saddened. You will always be so special to me . Thank you for everything you brought into my life. I will always have you close to my heart.
  13. So yeah. I'm in a relationship now. Been hanging out with J for about a month and half. Wasn't ready for the whole label thing and we're still keeping it light but yeah now we're together. And you know what? I'm happy. I really am. It really feels good to be finally treated right. Like I am actually worth something to him. Not just an afterthought, not just like trash. He keeps his word, he makes the effort to remember things about me and what I say, he is straight up with me, he's considerate, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel safe, I have alot of fun with him. I still love you, but I've accepted life goes on. For the first time in nearly one year, I am finally feeling alright. I can finally smile genuinely. And it's a great feeling... having my heart finally be set free. Finally.
  14. I am alright without you. At least I will be. I know I'll be happy real soon. I just need to wait for it to arrive... That light in the distance.
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