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GotMyLifeBack

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  1. I see a lot of wise counsel has already been given to you, especially the basic idea that the topic of jealousy and boundaries has been difficult for you two to discuss, and that it might help to get a marriage therapist involved. Don't let it slide.
  2. To me, this is the whole key to what happens next. If what you're saying about him is true, he wants to have a different kind of relationship with you, one that doesn't keep erupting and you telling him to pack his things. (conflict is okay and normal, but how it's expressed matters a lot) How to have a different kind of relationship? Well, I think that will involve a lot of calm conversation, and each of you doing some hard personal work. If only one of you will do this, it probably won't work.
  3. Such an excellent success story. Do you share the benefits of your journey with others (besides on here), like through teaching or something? I'm not surprised. It's been the same with me - I've done a ton of hard work to create a good life.
  4. You had positive role models to follow in your friends' parents, and negative role models in your family to push you in the other direction. I like your story. Thank you.
  5. Actually, I think that's remarkable. Given some of the dysfunction of your family of origin, did it feel weird and unfamiliar to be with the man who became your husband? It seems like most people gravitate toward what is familiar, regardless of whether it is healthy. And since you didn't have a model for a healthy marriage, how did you know how to be a healthy wife and partner? Regardless, your story gives me hope because it means our adult lives do not have to be determined by what we experienced growing up. Cool. Thank you.
  6. Thank you catfeeder. Yes, if and when I am in a relationship again, I want it to be peaceful, without disrespect. And I agree with you, my ex-GF's "style," her anger simmering just beneath the surface, definitely kept me from reaching her. It wasn't just the dramatic episodes of the silent treatments or the blow-ups, it was the tension in her voice and body when I asked her to repeat something if I didn't hear it, or to explain something if I didn't understand. I really wanted the best for her, to be her friend as well as partner, but she made it very difficult.
  7. I agree with you, walking on eggshells around my partner is a bad deal. So much anxiety. Thank you for your support, it means a lot.
  8. Thanks for telling me your story. You've certainly had a lot of practice establishing and enforcing boundaries, well, because you didn't have much choice. Families are unique in that they tend to stick around even in unhappiness and dysfunction. In chosen relationships such as romantic ones and marriage, there's relatively more reason for each partner to "behave," because the other partner may bail if things get too bad. But, did you ever notice (or experience) that once people get married or otherwise in a committed relationship, they relax and behave poorly in exactly the same way they did in their families of origin? Most people know how to behave well (I understand a couple of your family members may be exceptions) because they behave well at the beginning of the relationship, and they continue to do it in their work environment. My ex-GF taught on-line, and I was fascinated how her positivity and charm were unfailing when she was teaching, or when she was in public. I have never heard a defensible explanation for why people often treat their loved ones worse than they treat virtual strangers.
  9. I may have gotten into some low-level PTSD if I stayed there too long. I just never knew when the explosion would occur, and I found myself constantly on-alert and tense as I was scanning for signs. That's not a way to live. Thank you for your thoughts!
  10. Yes, very painful. I just wanted peace, laughter, and mutual support, and when there was conflict, to handle it respectfully. Hopefully I will find that some day. Thank you!
  11. Almost zero second guessing of my decision. My second guessing is about how I exited the relationship, particularly whether I was emphatic enough about how unacceptable (painful etc.) her anger behavior was. Thank you so much for your support.
  12. and... Yes to both of your comments. All humans have had traumatic experiences, things that have made us sensitive about certain things, but it's not all that hard just to be nice. "It's not that complicated." You (Cherylyn) seem to have a lot of toxic people swirling around you. I'm not sure what drives them (though you might). As for my ex-GF, I'm pretty sure she was acting out of previous traumas that had nothing to do with me - she'll have to heal and learn to manage her behavior if she wants people to stick around. I just couldn't and wouldn't do it any more.
  13. You may be right. When I tried to talk to her about needing to talk (rather than rage), it seemed like my words didn't land. Thanks for your encouraging words.
  14. That I did do. Really went into this with everything. And like you, I'm probably doing some extra spinning around the drain since I was the one who pressed eject. I appreciate your support.
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