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Scotty123

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About Scotty123

  • Birthday 09/27/1968

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  1. I'm trying to forgive you. Forgive you for the way you made me feel. For making me feel small, insignificant, unimportant, fat, ugly and unwanted. I'm trying to forgive you. I'm struggling. I don't hate you, I love you and that is what hurts the most. And I still miss you. But I have to move on. I have to stop missing you. I have to stop wanting you back cause you're not my wife ! And you never have been and never will be .... but I loved you and I miss you. I can't hate you cause that doesn't work for either of us. I have to forgive you. I have to let you go and I have to be kind if I ever hear from you. Being cruel to you will not make me feel better about myself. I might want to make you feel bad in my darker moments, but what does that say about me ? Ok it means I'm human, but being cruel will never sit well with me. I need to forgive you ... I need to release you .... I need to be free.
  2. So today I blocked you on facebook. It feels better. Feels like I took a bit of control of my life back. I wonder how long it will take you to notice ? If you ever will. I just wish it was as easy to block you from my mind !
  3. So I saw your post on facebook tonight. You said to your friends that you were a woman of mystery .... unbelievable ..... what you mean is that you lie to your friends .... you lied to them for the 6 months we were together !!! Lied to your family .... lied to everyone in your world. And then you go on to say how you don't have a free weekend for the rest of the year !! I'm so glad you have such a wonderful life! Such a fake life !! So tonight I have taken control and deleted you from facebook. I don't want to see what is going on in your wonderful fake life !!! It is just too tempting to tell your friends the truth, no matter what I think of you I wouldn't want to do that to you. So I need to move on. You probably won't notice, but it's over. No going back. I need to move on from you. Go live your fake life with your fake friends and carry on lying to your family as long as you like. I'm glad not to have any involvement in your life any more. You're on your own and you know what you have lost and you know that it's your loss. You will never find someone like me again. I was there for you. I would have given you anything and everything. I would have loved you and been there for you. But you throw me away. You didn't want me in my life ... well apart from as a friend !!! I don't think so. I don't want to be friends with people who can't tell the truth. People who can't be honest with themselves. So it's done. Over. You are on your own. And I know how you will be feeling. I know how you will be feeling at night, in the dark, when there is no one else to listen to your fakeness. You will doubt yourself, you will be afraid and scared. But it was your decision. Your choice. So you made your bed, now lie in it.
  4. I miss you. I wish I could talk to you ... see you ... touch you. But I can’t. You have reached out to me at least once a week since we split up. But I haven’t answered for the last 2 weeks so I think you will stop very soon and that makes me so sad. I just miss you so so much.
  5. I miss you so much it's killing me. Tonight is the closest I'm come to contacting you. I want to know why you called me tonight. I want so so much to text you and ask, but I won't. This is so hard.... so painful. I just want to cry. It's been a month and I think about you all day long. I'm completely distracted while I'm at work, I can't focus. I miss you first thing in the morning, at lunch time and all evening. I just miss you. I don't know what to do to get over you. You have hurt me. I just wish the healing was over and that I could get on with my life without you and move on.
  6. I’m not your toy .... your puppet. I told you I didn’t want to be a puppet on a string but you keep getting in touch. Nothing big but your creeping into my head and that’s not fair. I know you want me to be your support, your go to person when you need someone to talk to but I can’t be that person for you. You have to support yourself. Was that not what you told me ? You wanted to rely on yourself to get through what’s happening in your life. You got your wish so get on with it and leave me along !!!
  7. I'm not happy with the way you treated me. I offered you so much and had so much more to give. But you decided not to accept what I had to offer. You decided to keep me at arms length. You decided not to let me into your life. You were incapable of accepting love. But I'm the one who feels like crap. I'm the one who has yet another failed relationship. I'm the one that is another year older and has spent another year in a relationship that isn't what i want it to be. And yet again I just want to give up. I want to just throw in the towel !! And give up on relationships. They are too hard and I never seem to be able to find anyone right for me. I find plenty of the wrong people but never the right person. I've had enough of it all. No more.
  8. So it's been 5 months today ..... I am supposed to be feeling better, but I 'm not. The rule of thumb is supposed to be 2 mths for every year. In theory I should be over you and ready to date someone else in a month !! Never going to happen. I'm not sure if I will ever date anyone again, let alone in a months time. I'm still angry with you and I don't know how to stop being angry with you. You broke my heart and wrecked me future. I haven't fogiven you yet. And I don't know when I will manage to. Every time I think about you it makes me angry. I can't think about you calmly to I guess that means I haven't moved on and still have some work to do ! But for now, I can't forgive you and I am not over you yet ! Not that you decerve my head thoughts and head space, cause you don't !!
  9. I love having my weekends back. I can do exactly what I want when I won't to. No 'Help me to understand why you are doing this '. Why could you not just talk like a person and not a counciler ? There was always an agenda.... you were always trying to manipulate me into doing the things you wanted me to do. You never understood that there was always logic in what I do .... that's just the kind of person I am. But you never listened and I used to waste so much time explaining basic things to you. It was so furstrating !! At least now I get to do things in the right way and not just the quick way which you always wanted. And no fights with the kids, that is the best thing. My teenagers still behave like teenagers but they we are all now free from the tension and stress of having you around. I do miss you and would find it very hard to see or speak to you. Sometimes I think about going on a dating site, the one that we met on. But I know you will be there searching for your next partner, just as you told me you would. Not that I am ready to date again ..... that's going to take quite a while. I'm still in the what's the point of relationships phase. And I really am getting too old for all this stuff !! I hate that you throw our live away. You were so 'I'll love you for ever' kind of stuff. All bullsxxx ! That is the thing that annoys me so much. You appeared to be so in to me, desperate to get married. And then you just cast me asside ! How could you do that ?? How could you want to marry me one minute and then dump me the next ? That's what will make it hard if I ever get into another relationship I will find it very hard to trust any body again. I know you won't have that problem .... You told me as you dumped me that you were off to find your next partner ... then you had the cheek to ask for my advise !!! I actually think you are the most cruel, cold hearted bxxxx I have ever had the mis fortune to meet. I know I am better off without you, but it's still hard sometimes to be alone. Not all the time just sometimes.
  10. You have invaded my thoughts too much today. I don't want you in my head or in my life. I don't like you never mind love you. Your just not a nice person!! Just leave me alone ... permanently!!
  11. So this is to all my exs .... what on earth is going on ????? I'm 48 years old and I have been in multiple relationships over the last 29 years !!!!!!!!! The longest of which was 13 years and in the last one I was dumped 4 mths ago. So what is the problem ? Is it me or is it them? I came from a very happy home where my parents met at 17 and married at 21 and were married till my mum died at 56. I have always wanted a life time relationship. I never wanted this life of failed relationships. I am a kind, considerate, educated and hard working person. So what is it ? What am I missing ? My partners have been emotionally abusive, horrible, cruel and cheating individuals !! All of them !! So what should I do ? Give up and live the rest of my life alone ? or try again ... I really am getting too old for this this sxxt !!! If I give up I will have to live the rest of my life alone. and it's not that I am not able to, either financially or physically, cause I can, I just don't want to. But how on earth can I ever trust anybody ever again ?? After so so many years of failure how can I muster the energy to start all over again ? And what's the point ?
  12. I'm so happy to be free and I don't want to hear from you ever again !
  13. I know this will sound off.... but you will never find anyone like me again. You will never find anyone who was as patient and kind towards you. I gave you so much .. so much patience ... so much kindness ... so much love. And you cast me aside as if I was nothing. And bescause of that you will go down in my history as my last relationship. No more cause I have had enough. I have had enough of being kind, being considerate, being patient and committing to people who say one thing and then do another. I would like to wish you the best in your next relationship that you are just going to "find as soon as you can" .... but I can't. So have a good life .... and I hope I never see or hear from you agian for as long as I live !!
  14. So I did someting today that I have only done one other time since we broke up ..... I looked at your page on a social networking site we are both on. Also I put my pic back up after more than a year now !! You have changed your text again. You go on about how your know how to express your feelings !!!!! Yeah right !!! If you do know how to express your feelings then it's something you have learnt since you were with me. Cause with me you didn't tell me how you felt until after you ended the relationship. Why couldn't you just be honest when you were with me ? Why oh why did you wait till you had ended our relationship with me to tell me what you felt ???? And how come you think you can express yourself now ? Why didn't you grow up when you were with me ? Your not stupid or daft so why ????? But your profile sounds angry, so somebody has pissed you off recently that's for sure. Tonight is the closest I have come to asking the above question, but instead I post here. I just want to know why you couldn't be honest with meuntil you ended the relationship ? You say you are honest now...... but I don't buy it. But I so much want to break 13 mths of no contact to find out why ???? I know it doesn't make any differece and I know I shouldn't care ..... but I do. I have had a wee glass of wine so I feel weak tonight. But why couldn't you talk to me ? Am I such a bad or unapproachable person ??? I wish I could find the answer without talking to you
  15. I would totally agree with what you said dabble. It has been exactly a year today since I saw my ex and I have not contacted her in last year. I have had two meaniless texts from her but I did not respond. The only reason I know it has been exactly a year ago is cause I'm off to an event tomorrow which I went to at the exact same time last year. At the beginning I never thought I would make it. I never thought I would feel the way I do now ! My ex is now totally irrelevant to my life. Today I was way too busy picking up my new car (woo hoo) and packing to go on my hols. And I'm going with my new partner who is just brill. My current relationship is so much better .... hard and more comlicated .... but so still much better. So after a year would I be interested in my ex ? Nope not a chance in *ell !! I totally know how hard it is not to contact our exs, but it just the very best way of rebuilding your own life. But I wouldn't underestimate the time it takes .... for me 9 / 10 mths before I can truly and completely say I am over the break up which was a complete shock at the time. So hang in there
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