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anu1560

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  1. Don't know what day it is, but I miss you. I miss you so much. Please make me free. I beg you. Make me free of you. I want to be free of you. Please god help me me get myself free.
  2. I am so calm now. For the first time in 5 months, I felt like saying to you 'I want you back'. Yes, I want you to want me back. And I want you back in my life. I want you to work on us even if we don't have a chance. I want us to work on that 1% chance we had so we could make it 99%. I wish you believed in us a little more. Just come back sweetu. Honeypie.
  3. It been almost 5 months now. I feel so much better about myself and my life. I have atlast started working on my papers. I have started cooking again. I go out with friends. I talk to friends and call my parents and siblings more often. I am certainly lot better. I promised I will never write about him again. But here I am. Writing about him. I miss him today. Don't know why. May be I am having a hard day today and I just need somebody to hug me. And hug reminded me of him. Hug reminded me of his crisp clean shirts that he used to wear. I always admired the way he dressed. He was dressed in formal clothes always. Very few times have I seen him in casual clothes. And thats how I liked it too. He looked good in his formal clothes. And I miss the hugs he would give me before leaving for office and after coming back from office. I miss those hugs. I miss being hugged by him in his formal clothes. I have started forgetting him though. His face doesn't come up as clear as it used to be, the memories are getting hidden somewhere deep down under new memories and new life experiences. He is not in my mind anymore the first thing in the morning or the last thing at night. There are few rare days when I go without thinking about him. The meaning of my love for him has changed. It is different that I can say. It is neither a love for a partner nor a love for a friend or a no care attitude towards a stranger. Yes. He is still not a stranger but I know soon he will be. A stranger who brings neither the feeling of love or hatred. Just brings a don't care attitude. Don't know if we ever can be friends. Right now, the answer would be no. And I know I am slowly getting over him. In another 5 months, he will be more of a stranger than anything else, like my other ex bf's. But today, I just miss him. I just wish for one last time that he had not given up on us. I still don't hate him. I don't think I will ever hate him. He was one of the sweetest bf of mine. People fight for their relationships in worst circumstances than we had. I wish he would have fought for us. But he didn't. He gave up. And I guess, somewhere deep down, I gave up too. Distance was the worst enemy. May god bless you with everything you ever wished for. I hope you find happiness and peace in your life and I hope I find happiness and peace in my life. Love. Honeypie
  4. I hope your family wished you a Happy BDay today unlike in past, when they forgot your BDay. You deserve a very very happy bday. You are a wonderful person and you have every right to be happy. I want to call you and wish you bday. But you know I cannot do that. It is not good for me or you. But many mnay happy returns of the day. Know always that I have a special spot in my heart for you. Know always that I will always wish for the best for you. Know always that I am there for you if you ever need me. May not be romantically. But as a friend, yes I will be there for you. You taught me so much. Love Honeypie.
  5. Happy Birthday Sweetu. I wish you have all the happiness that the world has to offer to you. I hope you are happy and peaceful and enjoying your life. May god bless you with everything that you ever wished for. Kisses and hugs. I miss you. Love.
  6. miss you. wish we were together. we saw a dream of us together getting old. but here i am all alone. no one to hold hands. no one to wipe my tears. miss you. wish you had not given up on us.
  7. I know its not possible, but I wish we were together and worked things out. After a long time, I felt the need to get back together with you. But I know you will not. And if I think from my head, I will not either. But still I wish you would want to work things out rather than take the easy way out. I wish you were not bf for good days but for good and bad days.
  8. You certainly deserve better. Take it as if he did a favor to you by breaking up. I cannot believe someone saying these things to enemies also. Keep doing NC. You deserve to have someone not so verbally abusive.
  9. Being angry is good. But don't keep it inside. One day go out and scream at top of your voice. You will feel better. You will heal faster. Don't break NC. Or you will be a wreck like me.
  10. Never break NC. It will pain you so much that you want to just take some medicine and sleep till the pain is gone. I was so happy yesterday and now I am a wreck. Never break NC. Not even if there is a earthquake, hurricane, war, and bla bla bla. I broke my NC becoz I saw in the morning in news 4 hurricane Alexis causalties in the city he lives. I was fine for few hours. I called him and talked to him. And now lightening struck. I am just hurting bad. It is worse than the feeling I had when he first broke up with me. So never ever break the NC if you do not want to feel pain.
  11. I want to scream today. Really scream so hard that my throat should ache. Only thing is if I scream like that my neighbors will call police. I am frustrated, angry at myself. I was doing great and then this hurricane had to happen. And then I made a call to my ex. Initially I was feeling ok. Now I am feeling horrible. I need a hug. I need to go to a place where I can scream and cry.
  12. Thank you guys. Without you all here and your constant support, I would not have been able to do this. Muuaaaaaahhhhhhh. I will still have some bad days. I know. But YES. I can now face it. For those who are still struggling. Please keep doing NC. I cannot tell if you will get back your ex or not. But I can tell you, you will get back your happiness and self respect. And most important of all YOU WILL GET BACK YOURSELF.
  13. Yeeee. 30 days of NC done. I am so proud of myself. Yeeee. I don't want him back. I am free like a bird. Now will find a new nest. boooohoooohoooo my new phone is still not here.
  14. Day 21 + 27 I wrote him a small 'i miss u' after the first 3 weeks of NC which I didn't get any response. And then I have been in NC for another 4 weeks now. On Wednesday I will be 30 day of NC. I feel great. Had ups and downs. Ready for more ups and downs. But doing great. Updating here not because I want my ex back. I DO NOT WANT MY EX BACK. But I tell you, NC makes you feel better. I lost my self esteen when I started begging him. But now I am proud of myself for not breaking the NC. So I have tried to give myself a reward. I bought myself a new high tech phone which will be delivered on 30th day of NC (hopefully Yeee.. You guys keep it up. Not to get back your ex but to get back yourself. I got back myself. This was challenge for me to get MYSELF BACK. And half the battle is over. And I am ready for rest of it. All the best to you guys for the battle to get yourself together.
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