Well tomorrow is the big day. I am sitting up, getting things ready to present to my lawyer. Filing this separation agreement you've been pushing so hard for, even though you swear there is no one else. Or are you pushing so hard for it? You say that i'm stalling, but yet YOU are the one who cancelled your lawyers apt. YOU are the one who called me yesterday wanting me to hear you out about visitation before I went to see my lawyer. Know what I think? I think things are going exactly like they did the first go around. You are trying to keep us fighting until we fight our way back together again. You can say you dont love me all you want to, I am not going to argue that point with you, because if you loved me, you sure wouldnt have done what you did. I was the man to you most women would kill for, I made you happier than you have ever been, you loved me sooo much, I was such a great father, husband, lover...but yet you did what you did, and pretty much slapped me in the face after already ripping out my chest. You really dont deserve me thinking twice about you. I was used, betrayed, abandoned, you kept my child away from me. What did I do for you? Work 90 hrs a week, sacrificed everything I had, my time away from you and the kids, all my money, all the work i put in, I did everything I had time to do for you when I was home, all while you focussed on school...then you get your job as a nurse and you walk out on me, and try to tell me I didnt do good enough? Are you kidding me?!? Find the man who is better to you, I dont mean in the first 6 months when your honeymoon stage is going, I mean 2-3 YEARS later - tell me they have been better to you....I would LOVE to meet him. Sure, they may make more money than me, but are they better to you and the kids?! Do they love you with the same intensity I do?? Are they going to be good enough for you?! I just dont see what you think you're missing. Nothing worth tearing a whole family apart for I promise you. Everything I did to show i always put you and the kids first, me, nor our kids deserve this.
All this....and the last thing I want to do is file this separation agreement. Am I co-dependent? Am I scared to be alone? I dont know....I just know I love you, thats why i married you. I know I miss you for some strange reason, and though I feel I did nothing wrong, I would love to go back to this time last year, and re-live how we were then. Things seemed perfect and I miss it so much.