i wonder if you're happy, i wonder if you're thinking about me...or if you have any respect for me now...Day 22 - no sign of you. not a word. are you glad i'm out of your life? i hate you for putting me through this when all i did was deal with your bull * * * * ego problems and the degrading way you treated me when you were here. why? i hope you will see clearly one day and realize distance was never an issue with me...your ego and your fidelity was. i hope someday soon you'll realize what kind of a person you really are, and wish you were able to handle the kind of love i gave you - the kind of love you knew you didn't deserve. for hurting me so badly...for being my best friend for 3 years and then disappearing on me, as if everything good i believed in was just a dream, and no one to be found as evidence of it...you shattered it all, and i've got to build myself up alone, while you prance around with Miss Anorexia and her insecurities, her child, her smoking and drinking issues, etc and pretending that is the life you want. You're too old to have such character flaws...and in the end, i still wish i could see you again like i once did...my boo...i just wanna sit there with you and pretend to watch tv when im really just watching you, happy that you're back. i miss your laugh and the way you kissed my neck, the feel of your skin defeats even my weakest memory...i remember how you kissed, or how you'd touch me as if i was made of glass and you didn't want to break me...do you go to buffets and have eating contests with her? lol..do you call her your boo, your cookie? does she listen to you when you need? does she kiss you like she means it, or just needs it? is she as pretty or as morally inclined as me? is she more confident? does she listen and not only hear? does she crave you mentally as she does physically? do you...enjoy...anything...with her?
i hope you come back to me and miss me just so i can recover my broken ego - the one person i show myself totally vulnerable walks away for a girl that can't even be compared to me...i'll never understand it. i hope you regret it deeply, because me, and everyone around you knew you would never find anyone better for you...
* * * * you, i hate you, i miss you, i loathe you...