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mahlina

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  1. Thanks for sharing your story with us. It takes A LOT of effort on YOUR part doing what your'e doing right now. You have A LOT to be proud of. I can see that you love your GF a lot. As an outsider, I don't have much insight as to all of the what, hows, and whys of the relationship..only thing I can say is- you can tell a lot by a person's actions. Her actions to up and leave like that says that she's obviously fed up. Hope I'm not being blunt. I hate giving sugar-coated advice. Basically, she felt really fed up. Is she currently working as an RN or a CN? If she's an RN, I can see that she's got a lot of stress. And, as for your gut feeling of her meeting someone new or not, I hate to break it to you, but it does seem as though that is the case. Otherwise, why the change of heart? Doesn't mean that she's cheating or cheated on you. It doesn't mean that she's in a new relationship. It just means that she realizes that something is just fundamentally wrong about your relationship. Either that, or she just fell out of love. I don't know if she can ever rekindle those feelings. Were you romantic with her during those 13 years? Did you periodically surprise her with flowers? Sometimes, when we feel as though our partners take us for granted- it makes us want to leave the relationship. You know how the saying goes, "People always want what they can't have"? That crap isn't always true. Based on my personal experience, this is ABSOLUTELY NOT the case. When someone takes me for granted- not only do I lose respect for them, but I also lose interest as well. The reverse happens in my case- if a person simply shows me that they don't want me, I don't want them. Most people think that the oppossite is true- not wanting a person makes the other person want them more. Hope I'm not confusing ya! I get this feeling that she felt taken for granted of, and for her change of heart- it could be too late. I also get this feeling that her change of heart is independent to whether or not she met someone new. I think it has more to do with her just feeling tired of both of your lives going nowhere, so to speak.
  2. You go Pyralis!! Keep it up! I wish you all the best.... Mahlina
  3. I can't stand being a perfectionist. Had to re-edit on a small mistake! To answer your question, I think that it's cute when a guy's a little chubby on his belly! Your answers will vary, in terms of 6-packs. For me, I think that it's more of a phobia that I developed after watching those weight lifting competitions as a kid. I remember watching how guys used to pour oil all over their bodies, just to enhance their 6-packs even more. It creeped me out just watching it. I thought that they looked like headless glazed turkeys. Since then, I felt kinda grossed out. For me, it's just my personal pet peeve ... Don't worry about what us girls think. Do what you wanna do. Sure, 6-packs on a guy is nice. But not to the point where it's soo cut, that the abs are just bulging out at you. Kinda scared me a little when my ex had it. I just couldn't find that very visually stimulating for some reason. As long as you're in shape, and feel confident, you should be fine. Do what you want to do. Impress yourself, not the ladies. Some women do dig it though. But for me, when a guy has a tiny bit of fat on his skin, it feels comfy to hug him. Plus, he's like an insulator, especially on cold nights!
  4. I say for the first date, you really want to make it special. Of course, everyone's opinion's will vary. Me personally, one of my best first dates were when my ex's and I enjoyed a cozy dinner together, spent time walking along the beach, and drove along the coast. Some people may suggest watching a movie for the first date, but to me, it's kind of not as personal. It's almost like both partners need to shut-up at the theatres. There's this awkwardness, because you're getting to know a person, and trying to make the first date romantic. But watching a movie, kind of takes away that whole special affect. Also, about bringing flowers, don't over do it, if you decide to. Save the dozen rose bouquet for another occasion. One of my dates did that to me once on the first date, and to be honest with you, it kinda scared me. I felt that our friendship wasn't strong enough for him to send roses. To me, I interpreted it as him trying to get game. If you do decide to give her flowers, maybe a single rose is better. It's subtle enough where it won't scare her away. One more romantic suggestion: if this date is going to be something that you want to initiate as something 'serious' then do something else special as well. Take her to a scenic point, and establish that as a place where you guys go to as your special hang out spot. I wish you guys all of the best. Good luck & have FUN!
  5. It's okay. I personally don't prefer to. One of my friends is dating a guy who's 2 years younger than her. She's fine with it. But, I think that she could do better! I think that once we hit a certain age, say...around 27-30, men and women even out at their maturity level. By then, maybe it's not so awkward. I bond more with older guys. The youngest guy that I dated, was 2 years older than me. He was 23 at that time. Even then, I felt as though we didn't completely bond. He still had a lot to learn. So, age only matters, only if you feel as though there isn't a connection for some reason.
  6. I agree with you Ryan. Sometimes, it's almost as if we need that reassurance. We need to know that this is 'final', the end, the point of no return. We find ways of justifying our feelings, and making sure that we didn't just 'give up.' I am proud to say that I am completely healed by now. I'll think of my ex every so often, but my feelings for him whithered away. I am SO GLAD to be single WITHOUT him! I get to meet more people. Hanging out with my girlfriends more often, also allows me to meet and mingle with new faces. It's a great feeling when you know that you're still young & single, and you don't need to live in heartache. It's like a breath of fresh air. What a relief! Then I look back and think, "What did I see in that guy?" Ryan, I hope that you'll heal as well. From my experience, no matter what, there is no short cut. It's all a matter of time. But, once you make it through the rough times, you will be able to feel 'alive' again. You'll feel rejounvated even more! Hang in there!-Mahlina P.S.- It helps to stay positive. Stay motivated. Everything's all mental. Believe that you will make it, and you will. It's all a matter of changing our pattern of thinking. Instead of focusing on the pain, tell yourself that being single isn't that bad. Think of it as your time to be autonomous, a time for self-discovery & personal growth.
  7. I had to give my input on this. One of my ex's used to work out at Bally's all of the time. In fact, he's a well known guy at the local Bally's gym that he joined, and he made his way as a personal trainer. And, to be honest, I didn't find his 6-pack as attractive. Sure, he had a nice build, nice upper arm and all, but I just didn't dig it. I like meat on my man. So, I dig pudgyness in a guy. I like the teddy bear build. I think it's cute. Maybe it's the oppossites attract rule. I have a small frame. So, I am usually attracted to guys with a little bit of baby chub!
  8. Ignore him. He'll get the message eventually. If not, then oh well. His problem. He needs to deal with it.
  9. Drop her. If she's keeping you waiting, after she insisted that she'd call, then drop her. If a person makes a promise to do something, they better stick with it. You have every right to be upset. Nothing's wrong to feel that way. In fact, this tells me a lot about her, either: 1. She's not taking you seriously, not feeling it. 2. Immature, and wants to play games. A person who has good intentions for you, will follow through with their actions. If not, if they're playing games with you, then you don't have to waste your time. Dating doesn't have to be that difficult. In fact, if she's flaky like this now, then think about how she'd be like as a 'long-term' partner. Not reliable, is she? If I were you, I wouldn't invest too much emotions into her. I wouldn't take her seriously. Besides, her actions are asking for it anyway. You deserve better! Plenty of fishes out there. She's not the last. Get out there and have fun. Don't focus your emotions onto her. She's not worth it.
  10. My friend's b/f did that to me before. You know what I did? I straight up told him to his face that he needs to stop it, and that he needs to stop trying to act like a little player. Next thing I did: I told his girlfriend. Of course, it made him angry, and he started talking trash, but hey, his girlfriend deserved to know that he was flirting with other women behind her back. Tell the girlfriend. Who cares about what he says. The truth needs to be said, and his behavior needs to stop. I don't get people sometimes. You tell them "no," but they keep on being persistent with their flirting. Guys like the guy that I dealt with, seriously have sexual herrassment issues. Tell him to get lost and grow up!
  11. You know, just by the way that you look at them. You know that you're in love with them, when you know that they are not perfect, but are just perfect for you. You'll love them for their every little flaws, their little imprefections, and just accept them for all that they are. You both understand each other at a deeper level. The bond that you share is completely uncomparable to the other bond that you share with others. It's those unspoken words. You will know that something's wrong with that person, even if they don't have to say it. You just know. It's that look of love. The bond that's shared is like a familiarity that you're so comfortable with. It's like coming home. Your heart just feels safe with that person. You feel secure. You don't ever have to question their intentions. They show you love without you having to ask. The relatonship is pure. No one else can compare. You just love them, because you do. It's that warm glow that you feel inside, that tells you that everything is just right. These feelings are feelings that you get when know that you're in love.
  12. Smart chica! That's the 'right' attitude to have. You Go Girl!! You'll have days where you will miss him, but as long as you keep thinking this way, then it won't stop you from moving on. In fact, it will make moving on less painful, and will speed everything up much faster. Hang in there!
  13. When the parents likes you, they invite you to dinner, almost every weekend, and every other week day-->bad. Sure, it was nice to spend time with his parents and family, but we weren't even married yet. I just felt as though I was already married into the family. Which was not a bad thing, but it can be a bit suffocating. Especially when I was only 20, and we were just still bf/gf. Not enough privacy. On the good side of it, at least his parents treated me like a daughter-in-law. Kind of scared me though, but I enjoyed them too. Other ex- his family invited us frequently too. They're really nice people, very warm, inviting, and treatd me like family also. Both of those experiences were good. When a guy brings you home to meet his family, there are many benefits to meeting them as well. You get to see where he's from, his background, what types of people influenced him, etc. It says a lot about a person's character, whether it may be he identifies with some of them, or not. Plus, to love someone, I think that you must also somewhat, love their family too. I mean, that's what marriage is about. When someone sincerily loves someone else, that also means that a part of them should also love their partner's family. That's the true meaning of marriage, I think. You recognize that person as you're other half, and thereforeeee, treat them and their family like it.
  14. Listen to yourself about this. Put yourself in his shoes. If you were him, then why would you have to lie? What would the reasons be? Would be okay to lie? Of course not, right? Something sounds really shady here. His excuse sounds like b.s. to me. Lies are lies, period. If he can't be honest to you, and wants to be a weasle about things, then I would tell him to man up, and grow up! Otherwise, he doesn't deserve a sweet girl like you, someone else does. Someone who's at least man enough to treat you right.
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