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The Morrigan

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The Morrigan last won the day on August 28 2006

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About The Morrigan

  • Birthday 12/31/1974

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  1. *shrugs* I've gone on my own often, generally though, places I've been before, and smaller ones I'm familiar to the regulars, if not friends per se. When you're a regular somewhere, you can casually chat with people and not stand out as being alone. now, if you sit at a table by your lonesome, nursing a beer, and looking desperate or mopey, the only attention you'll attract then is PITY, not desireable. If you yourself aren't comfortable and feel awkward, it will show. And that will make you much less attractive.
  2. Are there any interests you have, like outdoors, or athletic type stuff, that would tend to draw less "effeminate" types you'd be more at ease with? Sorry if you've already searched some of these options, just trying to throw ideas out on the table.
  3. Just off the top, I think it might partly depend on the time of day and the scene a little, but for the most part, the attitude you go in with. Going for a drink earlier on, after work, for example, alone wouldn't be a big deal at all, and could be a plus as long as you're not buried in a paper or something. Even later, I can think of several ways you wouldn't look like a lone loser, one being sitting at the bar itself, where you're not taking a table looking isolated, or standing and circulating, even make casual conversation with other people that don't look super confident about being there. Even people who come in a group don't always feel like they "belong" or feel left out a bit, and are only too happy to have someone to strike up a conversation with, both guys and girls. As a matter of fact, it's sometimes less intimidating to strike up conversations with someone of the same sex initially if you're not used to it.
  4. There are many special interest AA groups - including homosexual ones, which address issues that are more unique. link removed there's a list that might be of some help to you, one of the founding gay/lesbian special interest AA groups was founded in DC, so you're in a good location to start. I'd also agree with muneca - maybe join a couple of gay support groups which are just to explore the issues of homosexuality til you find one that "fits" you - and see if there are other clubs or meeting spots they can recommend where the odds will be with you that the people you'll be socializing with are not only similar in interest, but more likely to be gay than not. Give yourself a wider pool of eligible people to meet.
  5. Also INFJ counselor type - and definitely AM an introvert. Most of what it says fits pretty well.
  6. It can lower some women's sex drive, though not all - a lot notice no difference, but some do experience a lower drive. One thing that CAN contribute to that is it can affect the production of vaginal secretions - in other words, cause dryness that makes sex less pleasureable. Some lube for fingering and sex can be a BIG help for that. And if that doesn't seem to help, there are different pills, which some of the formulas are a bit different - if she tells her doc the problem he can switch to a different one. Most of what I've heard on here favors the pill over the patch, since they tend to start peeling up before the time is up. There's also the depo shot, which I've heard varying things about side effects, though it's certainly the most convenient.
  7. 1) if you don't have it, get call blocking on your phone, and BLOCK HIS NUMBER. You don't need to agonize counting his calls, being tempted to pick up, so block him out. If he really needs to tell you something important, he can relay it through a friend. Period. 2) Make yourself a "when I'm weakening" list, of things you can do when you get that urge to call. Rearranging your room, the living room, organizing kitchen cabinets, take your son out... anything that both burns energy and burns time is good. If you can get past the "moment" it's MUCH easier to say "thank GOD I didn't call" and rearranging stuff is like a minor way of rearranging your life. If you're not seeing "nice" moments, ghosts of him, every time you look at your bed, couch, etc, it's one less reminder you need. And if he has anything left there, box it up, duct tape it shut, and find a mutual acquaintance to get it to him. One less excuse for him to try to contact you, and more reminders of him out of your life. 3) Call those hotline people, and your pastor, and get yourself into a support group. For one, this will give you a WHOLE group of people who can REALLY relate right in your neighborhood - and there IS strength in numbers. And these are people who you can feel you're helping support, even as you're getting ideas and support from them, it'll help you get a bit of sense of self back knowing your experience might be helping someone else resist going back to an abuse cycle. And you'll have a group of people you can start getting to know, meet for coffee at weak moments, and they can do the same for you, and tell you every reason you DON'T want to talk to him again. People who are or have been in your shoes who you won't have to feel embarrassed or ashamed in front of. 4) If you're uncomfortable going to your church for services, call and ask the pastor to come to you. It's not an imposition. That's what they are THERE for in a large part, to offer counseling, and support, to the people they serve in God's name. And they would be more upset that you hesitated to turn to them - so let them give you a hand, and guide you to get more strength and comfort from your faith. Keep posting here as well, we're all behind you. We all care, and have faith you can make it through this. Nothing will sound stupid, and we won't judge, but we can and will continue to listen and offer whatever we can. Best of luck to you!!!
  8. It's not her virginity. Hymens can be broken in any number of non-sexual ways, including falls, using tampons, gyn exams, because it's very thin and not that secure. Even if it's broken a little by fingering or something else, she's still a virgin, and will still experience some stretching, or discomfort/pain on having sex for the first time. For fingering - going in her vagina really isn't necessary, or indeed even a very good way, to give her pleasure. Be gentle and concentrate on her clitoral area; if you're not sure where it is have her rub your finger on it, she'll be able to locate it more easily than you will. (Also make SURE you wash your hands beforehand, or you could accidently give her a nasty infection, the areas down there are very sensitive to germs and bacteria.) You also might want to be careful, if your gf is younger than you, any sexual contact could be illegal with her.
  9. I'm very sorry to hear you've been put through this. Having been in a mentally/emotionally abusive relationship myself, I can tell you a couple of things that might help. First - the prince charming you saw was the facade, it's not under the surface - that IS the surface. This is the mask the world sees that allows him to get close to people and control and exploit their weaknesses. This is not the real him. The real person, the abusive one, only surfaces privately, after the facade has secured a place for him with someone, and is kept private. I'll bet most people would look at him and think "Joe? Abusive?" and laugh because he "seems like such a nice guy," and a man's man who is good buddies with many, though close to few. Second - apologizing IS a cycle. Whether it's to get you back or not, it's not because he honestly intends to change his behaviour and sees something WRONG with it, it's offering you lip service to reinforce his OWN point of view he has nothing to feel guilty about. And to be able to weaken your resolve that he's abusive, to try to get you to take part of the blame and make allowances for his behaviour. Do NOT call him or contact him. Avoid seeing him alone, if he still has things to collect, have a male friend or relative you trust there, or have the police there; you don't have to press charges to have them there for security purposes. He is a bully who has shown his lack of control and ability to use physical violence against something smaller and at his mercy - do not put yourself or your son at his mercy and take any chances, get him out of your life and keep him there, and if he persists in contacting you, GET A RESTRAINING ORDER.
  10. Ok honey, NOBODY needs to start trying to have a baby months into a relationship. Children should be born into a stable family unit, stable emotionally and financially, to two committed parents. Regardless of your maturity, you're still developing in many ways, you're still an adolescent, and have more growing to do. He needs to respect that. If he really loves you and wants to raise children with you, waiting a couple of years until you're older and the two of you have grown together in your relationship should be no hardship for him. Right now this is not only illegal, it's thoughtless, and unrealistic of him. If he can't back off until you're older, he doesn't love you enough, plain and simple. If he says if you love him, you'll try, tell him if he loves YOU, he'll be willing to wait for you, the cost of him wanting someone who is so much younger is patience. And if he really loves you, this will be no heavy price. Do not get talked into something you think is "crazy" for anyone, this is YOUR life, and it has to be your priority to make sure you don't allow anyone to mess it up.
  11. Hmm, are you wanting to spice things up with this girl for the right reasons? You say the two of you don't seem to have much to chat about, and things have cooled off. You're worried about losing touch if there's not more than what's there now to hold on to some connection it seems. But if you two really have trouble chatting, I'd put some serious thought into spicing things up, and see if you can start with the basics, and do something fun together that provokes conversation. It's that that will keep you more connected, since physical attraction is harder to maintain over distance than when you have things you KNOW the other person likes to talk about. See if she wants to go to a carnival, the zoo, a comedy club, funny movie, and take it from there.
  12. There's no harm in enjoying her company as long as you make sure you're on the same page here. Talk to her. Explain frankly you're not over your ex yet, but at the same time, you appreciate her company, would like to get to know her better, and think she'd be nice to spend some time with. It also gives her a chance (and maybe some relief) to say if she's in a similar position. Take the pressure off yourself, and off her - enjoying someone's company doesn't have to mean you jump straight into a relationship, as long as you both understand this, and are content to see where things go day to day. It'll also take away any guilt you're trying to replace your ex - and maybe let you appreciate things that are different about her slowly without feeling disloyal. Give yourself a break, relax, and just enjoy her as an attractive woman and person, and see how things go.
  13. Have you tried approaching him calmly about the letters specifically, and just asking if he can keep them boxed up somewhere so he still has them, but they're not in your room? From his point of view, he may feel he's had to defend keeping ANYTHING, even pics for his son - if you sit down and calmly tell him you can understand keeping those around for him, but you'd feel much better if the letters were elsewhere, not trashed, just stored somewhere, he may be willing to compromise on that one. The trick is to keep it very low key so he doesn't feel defensive - and makes you look calm and rational rather than emotional where he can dismiss what you're saying as unreasonable and only emotion driven. Even if you have to say "honey, I don't know exactly why it bothers me, I just know it does, and I don't expect you to get rid of them... but it would make me feel better if they weren't stored in our room" Its honest and calm, and should appeal to his common sense that where they're stored doesn't matter, since you're not making an issue out of him keeping them. Give it a shot and see how he responds! And good luck!
  14. Ok hon, you're not going to like this answer, but... They've been broken up for 5 YEARS, of which you've been with him for 2 and a half. This woman is still, and always WILL be, the boy's mom. You can't expect his son to give up his mom just because his dad is divorced. Sure, he may come to view you as another mom, but that doesn't mean he will give up the mom who shares custody of him and helped raise him. You will have to deal with her at special occasions in person, like graduations, weddings, births of grandkids. This was something that you accepted, like it or not, when you chose to get involved with someone who had a child already. It would be one thing if he was pining over the letters and cards, pictures, etc - but it doesn't seem that this is the case, and his son is entitled to keep pieces of his mom with him in the house you and this man share. Your bf has been apart from his ex for a LONG time, and it sure doesn't seem he's going back or interested in her except as what she is, his son's mother, and a part of his past. Concentrate on being his present and future instead of resenting the woman who no longer has him - do you really want to let her drive you apart by doing nothing but having existed in his former life?
  15. Ok hon, I'm going to give it to you straight... it sounds like he's modified his behaviour to be appropriate now that he's seeing someone exclusively. Now before you get disconsolate - I agree with everyone who's said TALK TO HIM. Tell him you want to keep his friendship - and don't want things to be awkward between you - and ask if there's anything you can do to set boundaries that he'll be more at ease with, so there's no misleading or leading on appearances. I wouldn't try to push at all for anything further, it would be disrespectful of his decision to go out with his current gf - but if you want to keep his friendship, talk to him so you don't BOTH feel awkward about making the first move to talk and drift apart by default!
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