jaded4life

Hello I know this must be a very emotional struggle for the both of you. While you are both experiencing immense fears and anxiety, you both have different reasons for these feelings. Your gf is confronted with a chronic disease which presents many life changes both physiologically and psychologically. While I am not aware of every fear she may have, I can almost predict that a main concern for her has to do with body image. She is griefing a loss, just like one may grief the loss of another person. Her loss is of a body function, it separates her from the norm. Her anger is understandable and stems from her fears. Her denial is expected for a short time, however she will need support, education, and some cooperation to progress through this stage. Let me share with you the stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Depression, and Acceptance, they are not time limited or expressed as a separate enitity, for ex. she can express denial, anger and depression all at once, or she may be depressed today and angry tomorrow. I suggest for you to talk with a Health Care worker, an advocate to help you and your gf to make these lifestyle changes. She may not feel comfortable expressing her fears with you, as many of her fears may have to do with you. Will she still be attractive to you? Will she be able to have children? etc. Support groups are a great way of helping others, as they include individuals with the same disease who have worked through the same fears she has, or maybe they still have them in any case it will provide for her a confident, someone like her . Having an individual with the same disease to relate feelings to will help alleviate her possible alienated perception of herself. I amend you on having the courage to face this disease with your partner, it will take courage, patience, and time for her and you to work through the adversities this disease will present. Maybe she will see that you are not running away scared and that you are not going to reject her body b/c of this, hopefully she will soon come to see that her self care is needed to prevent a worsenning of her condition. If not, she may need some more vigorous intervention, let her know you care, let her know you want to help, seek out support groups, books, any type of education will benefit her. I know this must be very hard for you to, so you will also need an outlet to express your feelings, you need to be there for her, but remember you need to support too. I wish for you courage and strength.

Hello Rojoe I can fully relate to how you feel. You are angry, hurt, bitter, sad you have an ambivalency of emotions. One day you may feel as if you hate your ex and wish you had never laid on eyes on such a ruthless heart, however, there are days when you may reminisce about the time you spent, the memories you created together, and the love you felt. Not to disregard your question but I too have recently endured the pain of ending a 3 yr relationship and as odd as it may seem he too began dating only after 2 wks plus having said that he was not ready for a commitment in his life with anyone, left me in a heap of weeping chaos. I did "crazy" out of the way things, and I regeret each one. I can not rationalize my actions but I do know that I was temporarily not focusing on reality. I was in a midst of loss love, rejection, sorrow, guilt as I had been the one to end it. I felt as if I drove him into her arms. I wrote letters after letter and after letter, some I regretedly sent via emial, most I read over and over systemically and shed many tears as I relived the pain, but I did however shred them into pieces and threw then away. Oh I still write him all the time every time I feel the pain resurfacing, everytime I feel responsible, everytime I blame him, everytime I blame his new girl, everytime I miss him, I write it out as if it were to go to him, and I shred it up and throw it out. Writing is a an excellant source to precisely release your thoughts, emotions, every word you desire to express can be written, now what you choose to do with this letter is the tricky part . Sure you may give her the letter, she may read it and may honestly feel guilt, hurt, ashamed, all the emotions she should fel for hurting you, but will she? she should but that is not in your control. I regret sending the email I sent to my ex b/c he did hurt me, he destroyed our love, memories, and I am angry and I want him to know, but he will and probably does, just as your ex does! Take that letter read it, cry, get pised and tear it up, ball it up tear it into tiny pieces, this may sound crazy but it can serve as a symbolism of getting even with her. You got it out, wrote it down, faced your demons and you let it go. Let her go! Believe me she will realize on her own what she has down, she will feel the guilt, pain, sorrow, etc, but you can ot help her with that. I do not know your ex or her character but she may even try to mess you up more by spreading rumors that YOU cannot give over it. True you may not be over it and who would expect you to if you were genuine in your commitment but do not give her that satisfaction. Hold your head up high, get a new wardrobe, workout, improve yourself, focus on you and healing you. You may feel like a wound reopens everytime you see her, but do not show it, do not surrender to her style! You have proved yourslef better. I know you are thinking that you just want her to admit her wrong, but she will not, and if she does, would you believe her? really? You can do this I have faith in you my friend, you and I may have been the ones who loved trhe most and got hurt the most in each of our relationships but you can also be the one to benefit the most from it too. Take care

Sorry I guess I was not clear, it was HER who broke it off. She broke it off with me. Called me up one night to tell me she was not happy and BAM it was over. I was hurt and did not see any use in sitting around feeling sorry for myself. So I decided I had to move on. I am just not sure if what I did was just out of feeling lonely. I dunno all I know now is that I knew I would always feel something for her I had no idea I would feel that way. I do not want her to look like the bad girl i did much to push her away. We have split up in the past and it is me who always called and begged. well i didnt this time i just never wanted to hurt her. i am not perfect i just want to know what this means. do you all think i might have mistaken that feeling maybe she did not feel it but boy you could fool me. i do not expect her to call me now she tried right after the break up but i was being a jerk i deserve what i get. I would love another chance with her and I had given up hope unitl I seen her look at me, any you guys know what I mean about the"look", I know she loved me it was not her. Maybe i am regretting it all now and seeing her just made it more real. i mean if she did not feel something than why look at me that way?

Unfortunately love is not the picture book romance. Adversities are common. Someone we think we love may never feel the same, an emotion of love can soon turn to pain. Rejection, fear, intimacy are all possibilities, we risk, no guarantees. The man that use to make me laugh is responsible for the bitterness here, yet I miss him just the same. He knows that he was wrong, states he will always have a love for me. What makes this man tell me this, could it be the shame? I guess this is how the betrayor feels, while the victims feel the blame. Never should have trusted you, forgave you too many times. Regret ever allowing you to enter my soul and mind. You know that you have broken me, do you realize what you did? I tried so hard to love you dear, for I know your heart was in pain. I guess we both used each other to forever forget the pain of loving the loves we had before, to give our hearts the chance to try again, but now I am left with more pain! All the nights we shared the talks, all the love we made, how could you leave me here and give your love to someone new. How could you know I hurt and say you love me too? What I felt you did not deserve, a love so pure and true. But just as you broke my heart, this new woman will discover the same. For what you will find in her, will be the memories of me. And every time we now look at each other the memories will bleed, for you bitter heart turned to another when love should have brought you home to me. I gave you the chance know me, revealed a bit of my love, scared to accept what you feel then, now you say it was love. You have no right to now ask me how I feel, I can see the sorrow in your eyes, but what I want more than life, would hurt my foolish pride. Perhaps I should show up on your doorstep like the way I used to do when I decided love is more than pride for me to choose. Do you remember the time I did that last? The night I walked in the snow to run to you to get there fast, afraid that you were hurting! You welcomed me with open arms and that night our love grew! But just as all the distant past that night now a painful memory, but the lesson here that I have learned is to now think of me. Jaded, sad, alone and depressed I search for a new love to take away my painful past just as you. But when I woke this morning I found myself dreaming of you, we were making love you so sweet it all seemed to be true. I woke with a gasp, a tear, and a smile, yes I may love you forever and always feel this pain. As for now I must turn my back on love and never speak your name. Secretly we may yearn for another scared to face the results. Foolish pride may prevent for us the future of a greater love, but foolish pride will make me remember how bad it is to love. So if you are wandering what to do, let me go? or hold on? you should know that while I want to run to you again, I must hold on to something more.............my foolish pride within.

Nice poem!

Ash: Thank you, I know I must leave this all behind. I already walked away, I turned my back on this man that I loved. Not b/c I of how I felt but I had to do it for myself. It hurts so much to love him still and not be able to show it. I had to tuck my feelings for hom deep inside, run for the hills, this I did for my own pride. Maybe in this world we are too concerned with what ppl think, maybe our pride is the one big link to never showing how we truly feel which leds us to forever think that the one we loved never loved us. Sometimes I think ppl play games they like the chase, it is thrill of the game. But once our hearts settle we must face our fear, did they ever love us? or did we imagine all that love here? I know I did not imagine the look in his eyes, although it has been 4 months since, and I thought I could never look at him the same, I still felt so strongly, I still felt that flame. Perhaps it is just his memory of me, the passion we shared, the intimacy, maybe he loved me but was too proud to say he made a mistake, so he will just leave it this way. I do not believe our love was an illusion I created in my heart, when it is real I know it, I can not deny the feelings of the heart. And it could be that the twinkle in his eyes is was him looking at a memory he once shared. I will never know this for sure, I will defy these questions in my head. My heart will go on loving him still, I wonder if he saw it, that I loved him still? I hope all of the broken hearts can find peace with theirselves, for it is not admitting the love that makes us betray ourselves. So for what ever reason that tonight I am by myself, I hope in his heart he will find the truth, I never stopped loving him and I never wished him unwell, I only wanted him to show me how he really felt. What is done is done and I cannot regress, I have to move forward to find peace with myself. I cannot allow another to enter into my soul, I cannot fully give my heart as long as I have not let go, even now after it is all so real, I find it difficult to trust my heart still. I am jaded and torn, a disbeliever of hope, but one day I know that this will all fade, my heart will not be eager to hear his laughter, feel his arms, touch his face. The hardest thing to do is to let him go, but holding him here was not meant to be, sometimes fate has a turn for us all, we do not know the meaning and we it makes us fear having another fall. One day at a time,one heart beat away.............I will mend my broken heart just for another and perhaps it will end the same way, but I will not give up or surrender to this, one day I will be happy, an eternal bliss!

I find myself drifting, away from reality I close my eyes, I am slipping deeper .........lost inside of me. If only I knew who I really am discovering myself all over again I place my hand near my heart I can feel it beating, the rhythm of my heart. Is it not for me to know? Am I not facing reality? What is love ? has it become lost deep inside of me? My body and face are more than who I really am. Something the naked eye fails to see Love , passion, wisdom, art these are the gateway, the path to my heart. Am I just fooling myself that you can be more Is my heart a mere grain of sand, lost upon your shore. Am I too complex, Is it wrong to long for more? Shall I stay a bit longer Shall the Ocean rescue me from your shore? I am always looking for meaning for reasons to believe What makes me so sad ? Is knowing that you are not in love with me So as I lay in the dark feeling the beating of my heart I whisper "Goodbye" for you are not meant for me. I am someone more Til' nowI could never see I gather my life and head for the door As a tears crosses my cheek I smile with strength So now you do not know me You never really did but I can face tomorrow and be Thankful for "What I Did". I was never lost I just needed to be free! Now I can release this love deep inside of me.

Why is it that love has no mercy for our pain? Why is it that when we have love and lost, that we become bitter, and then just numb from the pain? Is there a radar somewhere in his head? just when I felt strong enough, stopped missing him so much, stopped crying so much, he comes back to mess with my head. I was doing fine for a while getting on with life, not concerning myself with his new love or life. Then one day out of the blue, here comes this man I once knew. He had no right to look at me that way, he knew what he was doing. I am okay as long as he is gone, no mention of his name. Love has a hold on me and I can not deny my pain. I feel so incomplete. I have no delusions of him begging for my hand, but why does he mess with me, why now? I thought I was over him I thought I was through, I was actuallly smiling when I thought of someone new. I can not keep living my life this way, I am eat up with jealousy, betrayal and pain. I only wish I could cry bring it out of my soul, would I feel better then? I feel like I am not me, like I am in a bad dream. I am so despaired no this cannot be a dream. A part of me has died, died from a broken heart. Maybe I will wake up tomorrow witha fresh new start.

I seeked your advice and while I thank you for your reply, I will correct some misunderstandings. I dated my ex for 3 yrs, I broke up with him b/c of "his" fears. I will not go into more detail than that. I never had intentions of hurting anyone. I have made bad judgements on my part. Not thinking rationally has torn me apart. Everyone has ideas of passing the buck, and persececutions of blame, I cannot stack up to delusions of grandeur, and I was never playing games. There are two sides to every story and even then the reasons are never clear. I am not in denial and I do not place blame. I am just learning to live again and I may make mistakes, if I hurt another, it is a risk we both take.

I am the guilty one, the one who misled. Recovering from a break-up made me very vulnerable to receive the attention and admiration from a certain guy. Advisor when I met him, I confused myself with my feelings. Trying to move on too fast, trying to forget the past~I started an emotion that I knew was not best. I feel bad for myself, bad for him, bad for this life that has brought my faith and hope to an end. Perhaps I do not know how to love, or how to receive all I know is that I feel lost deep inside of me. Why do ppl play games with our hearts? I cannot speak advice, for this was done on my part! I feel guilty, yet there is no cause I had been Jaded from a love that I lost. I am not here to talk about my ex, but I wonder does he think he can still mess with my head. I deny that he can. Yet after not hearing form him for quite sometime he decides to send me a line. Hey, hows it going, are you doing ok? Just thinking about you? Waht was he trying to say? OUr breakup was bad, we did not remain friends, he was dating someone while I was still crying over him! Now it has been months and he dares to ask. I never replied I had nothing to say, what were his intentions? messing with me that way? I am not sure if he is sitll with his new love, but I cannot fathom how he could love. He called me today to ask to come by, he needed to pick up his items that I sitll had. I told him I was leaving, be gone for an hour, but that he could swing by and I would have it out for him. He replied that he would come at a better time, trying to be so nice! What was on his mind? So I told him a time, agreed to let him come reclaim his items that I once cherished with love. THe door bell rang, I grew nervous and scared, I asked someone else to get the door while I gathered his box. I met him at the door, I tried to not look at him. He kept staring at me, he even had the nerve to look me in the eyes, and I grew angry, scared, nervous to what I think I saw. I could see in his eyes the way he use to look at me, I looked into his eyes and I could tell he still cared for me. At first I glared a second or two, than I turned my head frightened of what this would do. My family were all aorund they all made small talk. I just wanted him to leave before I screamed. I turned my back and walked away told him bye forgetting that he was in my home! He just glared at me with that look in his eyes, was I imagining it? Or was he trying to tell me something with his eyes. I began to walk off, and thought I must look rude in front of everyone. So I remained civil to him and turned back around I helped him to hte door, told him a few things about all the items, in the box. He was outside the door I still had the door opened, he was standing there smiling saying Thank you, and still gazing into my eyes! I smiled and said bye as I closed the door, what scared me the most, was that I almos tfelt hte urge to yell back for him, to ask him if there was something he wanted to say. But I know better, than to betray my heart this way! To Men~Why would you do that? What was he trying to say? Am I over analyzing? DO you all look at your exes this way? Is he afraid to tell me how he feels, does he realize he was wrong, now that I have healed? I just feel bad for the the Man that i had created this dream with, I was not able to fulfill when he made himself real. I still miss my ex, but reality has set in, I know we both felt something when our eyes locked. I could feel it, anybody ever experience this with an ex? What does it mean? Why do I feel so bad? I feel guilty and sad! Jaded and bent! No matter what I do, I am not content. Should I call my ex up and give him a chance, if I feel this much still am I denying one last chance? Do I forget him and go on, wandering about him? I know that my advisor, my friend, the one that I was not all up front with may be reading this, No I am not playing games! I am truly confused. I never meant to hurt anyone, but we were not meant to be. It was too fast too soon, too much for me. Please men and women shed some light!

Some say that it is not in our human nature to be monogamous. Personally, I feel very different, I believe the majority of our population perceive that if you cheat, you can not love your partner. Humans are very weak, we give into temptation so easily, not just of the sexual type but of all temptations. Certain personalities are affected more, not just a gender thing. People cheat for many reasons, some we may deem as more acceptable, some we look upon as being selfish and dirty. Bottom line is that cheating hurts ppl, infidelity in a marriage is an ominous sign, no matter what time period it happens. Personally, while I am in a commited realtionship and we are sexaully bonded, I feel as if my partner is sacred, no I do not believe he has never slept with other women, but I do not even think about that. All I know is that sex shared with someone I love is a very intimate, very personal expression. If your wife is like me, you have already lost her, call it a sixth sense but we know! The touch may be different, the emotion you express, there is a certain look in a lovers eyes that has betrayed you. Of course not all couples share this depth and it may go on for years and create no problems for your partner, as they will never know. It all depends on your perception of sex, is it a physical need, emotional need? Some couples are swingers and have no problem sharing their partners, it will all depend upon the individuals perception. I perceive you to be wrong, yet I am not your partner, understand? The only other advice I have for you is for you to practice safe sex, receive counseling and give your wife the honesty she deserves as a human, be man enough to tell her, give her the chance to find a faithful, lasting love.

How ironic it is that your situation sounds like mine so long ago. I will not go into detail concerning my life, but I can tell you that my story had no happy ending. After 3 yrs together, he still could not commit to the extent that I needed and deserved. Relationships are so unique in every situation, seems like the harder you try the faster the relationship crumbles. Conversely, when it sails along smoothly it all seems so dreamlike, everything just falls into place.....yet even in this fairytale type relationship, problems can arise. THe point is there are no guarantees......all is fair in love in and war. I can relate to how you want to love this man and how you want to make him believe in love again, but until he is ready, you are wasting your time sweety. I can foretale your future to be difficult if you expect him to feel as you do, he may very much desire you and your company, but commit to you , he has made it clear that he is not ready. Ever heard the expression.....you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink? Sorry to equate your partner to a horse but you can love him, treat him wonderfully, you can be the most perfect partner, but to a man or even woman that does not have their heart in the right place, it will only set you up for grandiose illusions of having a relationship that was never there. You will face emotional instabilities always questioning yourself, your self esteem will fail, other men may fall at your slightest whim, but this man, the challenge, will be your only focus. I can only give you advice from my own experience, but you are the one who is in control, do not set yourself up for a heartache, do not dwell on a man who has not healed, he may not be at fault, he cannot love until he is ready. You may think just because you have grown and moved on everyone is different, perhaps you can give him time, be honest and understanding, but not at the expense of losing your self, do not forget who you are, what you stand for, and how you deserve a honest, caring, loving man that will be able to offer all the love you need. It is so hard to give up on a dream, yet it is better to leave it a dream than to wake up in a nightmare. Be good to your self. respect yourself, in your heart you will know the answer, yet it may be hidden, the truth shall set you free!

Hello There are many factors. Familial being the greatest. Increase in estrogen, by beginning your menstrual cycle early 55 yr and/or exogenous estrogen(taking estrogen replacement) these wil put you at a higher risk. Never having a child, or having a child after 30 yrs of age increases your risk. Other nonconclusive factors are diet high in fat and red meat, smoking, and alcohol, these are the only areas that you can influence through lifestyle and personal self care. However, some are controversal and not all universal. Of course radiation may enhance the risk. Preventative care is the best by receiving mammograms every year after 40 or sooner if at greater risk by having a first degree relative for instance. By the age of 18 every woman should perform self breast exams, this requires special technique and timing is a factor, should be done 4 days after you begin your menstrual cycle, as the breast are less congested. I can tell you more in depth if you like just let me know. Also a breast exam should be performed by a practitioner along with yearly papsmeres. Hope this is useful for you, just remember the early detection= higher recovery and survival rates!

Hello So you want the secret to giving perfect head,eh. First, I have to comment on the fact that you sound very young and I am very bothered by an adolescent equating her self worth with techniques that will "keep" a bf. Believe me, it does not matter how much technique I tell you, a good blow job will not entitle you to everlasting love, understand? For it to be hot, you need to generate the heat. You need to tease him, tantalize him, make it natural, sensual, do not remember techniques, go with the flow. Perception of your mates body language is very important. Don't just yank it out and get busy, make it sexy and erotic. Young adolescent boys are different than mature men, they are impressed just that you are doing it, so i owuld not worry so much about the technique. Blow jobs are a misnomer, b/c you do not blow you suck, I do not want to take it for granted that you not doing that, b/c that may turn him off or make him bust out laughing. Everyone's technique is so different, just as men have different techniques for performing oral sex on women. I appreciate the variety, so do not worry about how another girl does it, customize your own style. ONce you become more comfortable with it, than you will gain expereince, thus making you an expert in your own unique style. As long as he is getting hot and you can bring him to a moaning climactric release, you are doing just fine. Get into it, really! I mean just get into the rhythm the sucking , use your hands, take it in deep, but beware of your gag reflex! You want to stimulate everything except your gag reflex. Look at him, gaze into his eyes, make him feel like you want him so much! Personally , it turns me on to watch him, very erotic! SO do not focus on technique that you can learn by practicing on a popsicle, learn to express feeling, create passion, become his sensual mate, get lost in him. But do not blame a broken relaitonship on your sexual inexperience, men men do not necessarily want you to be expereienced sometimes they appreciate being the teacher! Good luck!

Hello SweetnPetite I will have to agree with Sisterlynch's advice. You need to be in sync with the other person, there still needs to be a chemistry, an attraction. It requires the use of your imagination, creativity, and even passion. It can be a very erotic and sensual escape from reality. Of couse, you need to share it with someone that is on your level sexually. It is very hard to describe to you, or teach, it is not a lesson, it is a feeling, an emotion, a desire, a fantasy even Imagine having a lover speak to you, describe to you, how he will touch you, how he will enjoy you, please you......it is stimulating your mind and body through words. Of course, it can not replace sex, but it can be used as an expression if there are obstacles keeping you from that person at the time. I would not recommend you share it with just anyone, it needs to be someone who can get inside you, mesmerize you, excite you........and hopefully.......oneday this fantasy may become a reality.