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coolchick64

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coolchick64 last won the day on November 11 2010

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  1. Yeah, you're right. You finally unmasked me and underneath it all I'm just a heartless, lying b****. Most guys would've been fooled by the three years of unwavering support I gave you. The hours I spent helping you with your life and your kids. The gifts, the material support, the affection. Always seeing the good in you and trying to make you feel understood. But you knew better, didn't you? Yeah, you finally rooted out the truth. Sure, it took lying to me continuously, cheating on me, breaking up with me, convincing me to trust you and then pulling the rug out from under me---twice, making promises and then forgetting them, telling me I was difficult and crazy whenever I complained. But eventually it worked and I was exposed as the miserable, angry person you always knew I was. Well done, SuperEx.
  2. Day 1 I will not call. I will not call. I will not call.
  3. Day 30 Well guys, I made it. I actually saw him today at the gym. He looked so great, I just wanted to run over and grab him. But I didn't. I went the other way before he saw me and left through the back door. Do I get a medal now?
  4. Day 24 My ex has been doing some really crazy stuff this week. There's no doubt in my mind that he's mentally ill. I learned something today that was so wacko and hurtful, I don't know whether to hate his guts or have him committed. It's really frightening to watch someone you loved have a complete nervous breakdown. I worry about him but he scares the **** out of me now. Guess the only bright side is it makes NC a breeze . . . he contacts me almost every day and I have absolutely no urge to respond. affirmation: run CC, run!
  5. Day 17 Better than yesterday. Not as good as last week. Having him contact me really sets me back . . . affirmation of the day: sometimes love isn't enough
  6. Thanks, FoG. At least I don't have to start counting over again. Really, your response is about the nicest thing that's happened to me all day.
  7. Day 16 (or 0) depending on how you count it. I saw him yesterday. He wanted to talk. I told him to leave me alone (in about 500 words---not nice ones either). He wrote to me this morning basically reiterating his plans to move away and how he wishes things could improve between us before he leaves. I wrote back and said, thanks but I have to stay NC. Does this count as breaking NC? Probably. I've always sucked at this. Today has been utter crap.
  8. yes, that's what I'm doing. fun times . . .
  9. Day 9 Wow, hard to believe it's already 9 days. Feeling pretty good. Affirmation: Our relationship was not healthy for me.
  10. Day 5 Affirmation: When the right person comes along, I'll love him and it won't hurt.
  11. Day 4 Affirmation: I'm great and my life is great.
  12. Day 3 Okay, this time I'm seriously gonna do this. I ignored an email he sent yesterday. I don't have any desire to contact him. I'm not going to hang onto hope. I know this relationship isn't possible. It isn't good for me. He's not at a place in life where he can give me what I need. My only goal now is to move on and feel good again, without him. I've been fueled by anger and bitterness the past few days. It's made NC an absolute pleasure, but I don't want to feel bitter. I just want some peace. I was reading a blog on breaking up and it suggested that you do daily affirmations as cognitive therapy. I've always thought affirmations were Stuart Smalley-type stupid, but you know what? I'm up for trying anything at this point. So, every time I post here, I'll post my affirmations. I invite all of you to do the same Affirmation du jour: That a**clown doesn't cherish me and I deserve to be cherished.
  13. Day 1 I've been trying to get something back from him that I left at his house. I will not contact him about it again. If I hear back, I'll send my ex-h over there to pick it up. If I don't, all of his sh*t's going in the dumpster. I have reason to think he's already moved on to woman #4. There was no going back after everything he's put me through anyway, but that really seals the deal. I want nothing to do with him. I am not here to support him. I am not his friend. I will not respond if he contacts me. That's it. I'm done.
  14. Day 5 I have to confess we had a brief text exchange. I warned you I suck at NC. But I've been really good about it otherwise. I'm still struggling with whether to be loosely available if he needs support vs. shutting the door and never looking back. Guess I erred on the be supportive side earlier, but I'm also working on rebuilding my life and looking toward the future without him. I'm proud of how well I'm functioning most of the time. I do still spend too much time ruminating, trying to make sense out of it all, but I have to cut myself some slack. It's only been a week and my life has basically been turned upside down. That's a lot to process. blah blah blah. Wish this wasn't happening.
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