Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage

Read an Excerpt

From Predicting Divorce to Preventing It
It's been more than a decade since John and his colleagues at the University of Washington (UW) first announced their discovery: Through the power of careful observation and mathematical analysis, the team had learned to predict with more than 90 percent

From Predicting Divorce to Preventing It, Part 2
Our commentary also indicates the places where these couples make great strides -i.e., where they say or do something that strengthens the relationship by making them feel closer, encouraging compromise, or healing old wounds.

In 1994, Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues at the University of Washingto— made a startling announcement: Through scientific observation and mathematical analysis, they could predict — with more than 90 percent accuracy — whether a marriage would succeed or fail. The only thing they did not yet know was how to turn a failing marriage into a successful one, so Gottman teamed up with his clinical psychologist wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, to develop intervention methods. Now the Gottmans, together with the Love Lab research facility, have put these ideas into practice. In Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, the Gottmans share this vital information so that couples can develop the skills to turn their relationship problems around and create strong, lasting unions.

What emerged from the Gottmans' collaboration and decades of research is a body of advice that's based on two surprisingly simple truths: Happily married couples behave like good friends, and they handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways. The authors offer an intimate look at ten couples who have learned to work through potentially destructive problems — extramarital affairs, workaholism, parenthood adjustments, serious illnesses, lack of intimacy — and examine what they've done to improve communication and get their marriages back on track.

Giving an insider's view of the Love Lab, the Gottmans take the reader step-by-step through the couples' conversations, before and after they are counseled. The authors also provide an analysis of the couples' interactions, identifying their core problems and offering suggestions for resolving them. By "listening" to the discussions in this way, you will learn to detect the most common stumbling blocks of a relationship and — most important — how to avoid them.

Hundreds of thousands have seen their relationships improve thanks to the Gottmans' work. Whether you want to make a strong relationship more fulfilling or rescue one that's headed for disaster, Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage is essential reading.

From inside the famed Gottman Institute, aka the "Love Lab": ten scientifically proven, practical ways to strengthen your marriage

Do you recognize yourself, or your spouse, in any of these statements? If so, Dr. John Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, say you shouldn't be surprised. In fact, their decades of scientific research have shown that most couples face these and other serious problems — but what the Gottmans have proven is that such difficulties don't have to lead to a broken relationship, or even divorce.

In Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, the Gottmans provide vital tools — scientifically based and empirically verified — that you can use to regain affection and romance lost through years of ineffective communication. You'll strengthen your relationship and make it the most fulfilling it can be.

John M. Gottman, Ph.D., is the cofounder and co-director of the Gottman Institute, along with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. He is also the James W. Mifflin Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle and the recipient of numerous national and international awards for his groundbreaking relationship research. His work has been featured on many national television shows, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, 20/20, Dateline, and Good Morning America.

Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman is cofounder and Clinical Director of the Gottman Institute and co-teaches the Institute's Advanced Training Seminar in Couples Therapy™ and The Art and Science of Love Couples Weekend Workshop™ with Dr. John Gottman. Julie co-founded the Gottman Institute and established its affiliated Relationship Clinic for which she still serves as its leader.

Joan DeClaire is a writer specializing in psychology, health, and family issues..

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