Fathers and Case Planning : Discussing Discipline

by Child Welfare Information Gateway

(Page 2 of 5)

The topic of discipline may be the most important discussion a caseworker will have with a father, whether or not the father is the perpetrator of the maltreatment. Every father needs to understand how to discipline a child properly, not only because it can help ensure that a child is not maltreated but also because it is one of the most important tools for teaching children. Discipline is not simply about punishment or correction of misbehavior. More broadly, discipline is also about teaching a child to exercise self-control and to obey legitimate authority.

Fathers can learn strategies for controlling their anger, such as recognizing their own physical and emotional cues that suggest they are too angry to deal with a situation at that moment and learning to walk away from a situation until they have reached a calmer emotional state. Sometimes a father's anger may be grounded in very personal issues, such as his own experiences with his father when he was a boy. In such cases the caseworker may find it valuable to connect the father with a psychologist or clinical social worker.

A father's anger may grow out of the dynamics in the family or from his relationship with the child's mother, issues that may reveal themselves to the caseworker in individual interviews and family meetings. In such cases, the caseworker may wish to bring a family therapist into the process.

There are a variety of ways to help fathers better manage their anger. Some can be addressed directly by the caseworker, while others may require additional professional intervention. One role the caseworker can assume is that of teacher, educating the father on how to discipline appropriately. Again, this may need to begin by changing the father's view of what is appropriate discipline. The caseworker should find out how he currently disciplines his children and how he was disciplined as a child.

For starters, fathers (and mothers) must set clear and consistent limits. Rules serve two purposes. First, they help maintain household order, generally creating a home environment that allows each member to feel comfortable, respected, and safe. A chaotic family situation not only hinders healthy child development, it also makes for a stressful place to live. Second, rules help set the boundaries for children's behavior so that they remain safe. Children do not have the judgment of adults - rules take the place of more mature judgment by clearly telling children this is what they can do and this is what they cannot do.

Good discipline also requires that fathers respond with consistent and reasonable consequences to the misbehavior or carelessness of their children. Fathers should not punish rude behavior by a 6-year-old on one occasion with a time-out and ignore or laugh it off on another. They also should tailor the punishment to fit the crime. When a 3-year-old carelessly spills milk it should not be dealt with the same way as when that child slaps his 1-year-old sister. Fathers must recognize they have a number of negative consequences at their disposal: a verbal warning, a time-out, or taking away a privilege. Fathers can use natural consequences. For example, if a child throws a stuffed animal at a sibling, the stuffed animal gets taken away. Or, another example, if horseplay by the child results in spilling a drink all over the kitchen floor, the child is not allowed to play or to do anything else until he cleans up the mess.

The keys to good discipline are:

• Set clear rules and enforce them.
• Be consistent.
• Never give into a tantrum. This will only teach children that tantrums work, and will encourage more and louder tantrums in the future.
• Keep anger out of discipline. This also helps the parent refrain from either inappropriate or excessive discipline.
• Do not confuse bad behavior with a bad child. Parents need to verbalize to children that it's the bad behavior they don't like, not the child.
• Use time-outs and other appropriate consequences.
• Praise good behavior.
• Combine rules and limit setting with explanations. Telling children why rules are what they are, and why they are being punished helps them learn what is and is not acceptable behavior.

During the case planning process, caseworkers should work with fathers to set appropriate goals relevant to identified discipline issues. In addition, caseworkers should help identify the specific tasks and services needed to achieve these goals.

Discipline Self-assessment

Caseworkers can help a father learn a simple evaluation method, so that the father can look back at his own disciplinary measures and determine if they were appropriate. Here are four simple questions a father can ask himself as he reviews his own response:

• Did I teach or did I express anger?
• Was my response consistent with our family rules?
• Did the consequence suit the misbehavior?
• Was there any possibility my response could have hurt my child?

Bringing in Fathers Who Do Not Live with the Child

This manual has discussed the importance of involving nonresidential fathers. They can be a source of support to the mother of their child, both financially and emotionally; are an irreplaceable figure in the lives of their children; and can be a supportive presence as the family deals with the problems that contributed to the maltreatment. If it is determined that the family is not a safe place for the child, the nonresidential father is a placement option that should be considered.

Of course, there may be times when involving the nonresidential father in the case planning process is impossible or ill-advised. Examples include when the father is involved in illegal activities, such as substance abuse or criminal behavior. More often than not, however, the nonresidential father can play a useful role. Bringing him into the process, though, may require some skilled negotiating on the part of the caseworker.

Depending on the living situation of the nonresidential father, the caseworker will often determine that it is advisable to include him in family meetings. He is potentially an additional resource as the family plans how to ensure the child's safety. Of course, he has a stake in the child's safety and future. Involving the nonresidential father and his family in family meetings may require skilled social work on the part of the caseworkers, requiring that they understand:

• The dynamics of the relationship between the father and the mother;
• How other adult members of the family and adults living in the household view the nonresidential father;
• The dynamics of the relationship, if any, between the nonresidential father and these other adult family members and adults living in the household;
• How the nonresidential father and his child interact;
• How involved the father has been in his child's life.

About the Author

www.childwelfare.gov
Formerly the National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information and the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse, Child Welfare Information Gateway provides access to information and resources to help protect children and strengthen families. A service of the Children's Bureau, Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.