Effective Fathering : Protecting and Providing, Being a Role Model

by Child Welfare Information Gateway

(Page 3 of 3)

Protecting and Providing

Certainly the role of father as protector and provider has changed over the years. Historically, fathers were viewed as chief financial provider for and protector of their children. As the traditional roles of mother and father, and likewise man and wife, have changed over the years, the distinctions have blurred, especially when it comes to who is the breadwinner. One study, however, found that men view marriage "as a partnership of equals, albeit one in which the man is the partner ultimately responsible for the provision of income and the family's protection." The ability to provide and protect is still, today, very much tied up with the average man's sense of self and sense of manhood. Research consistently shows that fathers who are employed full-time express more happiness with family life and have better relationships with their children, compared to fathers who are underemployed or unemployed.

For many men, feelings of inadequacy in the role of protector and provider can translate into frustration and anger, which may not be managed appropriately. Men who are under- or unemployed may feel powerless within the family. Child maltreatment can at times be a way of "getting even" with a partner whom the man sees as more powerful within the relationship. Furthermore, fathers who feel inadequate in their role as provider and protector may feel inadequate to step in and to help to prevent further maltreatment. This is why it is particularly important to explore this role in the case planning process.

Fathers also are still expected to provide protection in addition to providing for their family financially. From child-proofing a home when the child is very young to making sure their children are not threatened by other children or adults, fathers play an important role in making sure their children are safe. This is particularly important in communities that experience high rates of violence and crime. In fact, research clearly suggests that fathers in disadvantaged communities play a critical role in monitoring and controlling their own children, and even others' children, and that such communities suffer when there are few fathers able to play this protective role.

Fathers also can protect their children by monitoring their social environment. Research indicates that children benefit when their parents know their friends and the parents of their friends. Fathers can use this "intergenerational closure," as social scientists call it, to keep track of their children's whereabouts and activities and to collaborate with other parents in making sure that their children are behaving in ways they approve. Fathers also should pay close attention to the type of peers with whom their children are spending time. If they determine that their children's peers are engaged in unethical, dangerous, or unlawful activities, they need to minimize their children's contact with these other children.

Being a Role Model

While the direct relationship a father has with his child is of paramount value, fathers also exercise a strong influence on their children through the type of life they live in and outside the home. In the wake of child maltreatment, it is very important that the father examine what sort of role model he is presenting to his children. Of course, if he is the perpetrator of the maltreatment, the answer is that he is providing a very poor role model. Yet it is not solely the question of the maltreatment - how else is the father communicating to the child what kind of life he leads?

If the father is not the perpetrator, it is still very important for him to look at what kind of role model he is portraying. The victim of the maltreatment and all other children in the home will be confused and fearful about his own place in the family following one or more instances of maltreatment. Children will look to the adults in the household for emotional sustenance, including how to respond and behave moving forward. It is at such times of familial stress that the role model provided by the father is of the utmost importance.

Being a role model is not a simple or easy task. In the way that fathers treat other people, spend their time and money, and handle the joys and stresses of life, they provide a template of living for their children that often proves critical in guiding the behavior of their children, for better or worse. As discussed earlier, a father's treatment of the opposite sex, his ability to control his own emotions, and his approach to work all play a formative role in shaping his sons' and daughters' approach to romantic relationships and marriage, interpersonal relationships, and school and work.

There are three points that can guide a father as he explores what kind of role model he is and wants to be:

Fathers should promote the mission of their families. It may sound odd to talk about a mission statement for a family but all healthy families have them, whether they are articulated or not. For instance, families that believe their children should be brought up with a sound spiritual foundation have, as part of their mission, raising children of faith. And families that believe that children must learn the benefits of hard work raise children who recognize and can embrace the virtues of working hard and applying one's self to a goal.

Fathers should abide by the spirit and (where appropriate) the letter of the rules that govern family life. For example, a father who asks his teenager to obey his curfew should also make an effort to be home at a decent hour.

Fathers should acknowledge their mistakes to their children. When appropriate, they should be willing to seek forgiveness from their children. A father who loses his temper while disciplining a child should apologize to the child. Many men view apologizing to their child as a sign of weakness that will cause the child to lose respect for the father. The opposite is true. Apologizing shows a man capable of acknowledging and facing up to a mistake, fixing the mistake to the extent possible, and committing to moving forward - hardly a sign of weakness, much more so a sign of strength.

A father's influence as a role model for his children is affected by the amount of time they spend together. Whether they live in the same home on a full-time basis or not, fathers should make a concerted effort to model behaviors and attitudes that they want to see their children display when they grow up.

The above discussion of the seven dimensions of effective fathering offers some insight for CPS caseworkers into how to strengthen a father's role in the lives of his children. The next three chapters are designed to help caseworkers put this information into the context of the child protection process from investigation to case planning through service provision and case closure.

About the Author

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Formerly the National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information and the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse, Child Welfare Information Gateway provides access to information and resources to help protect children and strengthen families. A service of the Children's Bureau, Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.