Parenting the Sexually Abused Child

by Child Welfare Information Gateway

Written for prospective and adoptive parents, this fact sheet describes the effects of sexual abuse and provides recommendations for caring for sexually abused children. Topics covered include the physical and behavioral signs of abuse, issues for boys, contributors to juvenile sex offending, and typical reactions to abuse. Bonding in the adoptive family also is discussed. The fact sheet provides a list of recommended publications for parents and professionals.

Parenting the Sexually Abused Child

As a prospective adoptive parent, you may have some valid concerns about sexual abuse. You may wonder what the special needs are of children who have been sexually abused and whether you will be able to meet those needs. By acquiring more knowledge, you will feel more confident in taking on the challenges and rewards of adopting a child with special needs.

Many parents who have already adopted sexually abused children feel that their greatest obstacle was lack of information about sexual abuse in general; about their particular child's history; and about helpful resources such as support groups, skilled therapists and sensitive reading materials. This article will provide you with some basic information about child sexual abuse as well as some special considerations for parents who adopt these children.

What Is Child Sexual Abuse?

Child sexual abuse is any forced or tricked sexual contact by an adult or older child with a child. Usually the adult or older child is in a position of power or authority over the child. Physical force is generally not used, since there is usually a trusting relationship between the adult or older child and the child who is abused.

There are various types of sexual activity which may take place. It can include open mouth kissing, touching, fondling, manipulation of the genitals, anus or breasts with fingers, lips, tongue or with an object. It may include intercourse. Children may not have been touched themselves but may have been forced to perform sexual acts on an adult or older child. Sometimes children are forced or tricked into disrobing for photography or are made to have sexual contact with other children while adults watch.

Child sexual abuse does not always involve physical touching. It can include any experience or attitude imposed on a child that gets in the way of the development of healthy sexual responses or behaviors. For example, a child may be a victim of "emotional incest." If a mother tells her son, in great detail, about her sexual exploits, or if a father promises his daughter that she will be his life partner when she turns 18, these would be scenarios in which the child could be considered sexually abused. Siblings who are aware of a brother or sister's victimization, but are not actually abused themselves, may also suffer many of the same effects as an abused child.

In addition, some children experience ritualistic and/or satanic abuse. Ken Wooden, founder of the National Coalition for Children's Justice, defines ritualistic abuse as a bizarre, systematic continuing abuse which is mentally, physically, and sexually abusive of children, and for the purpose of implanting evil.

How Often Does Child Sexual Abuse Occur?

Estimates are that approximately 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 8 boys experience sexual abuse in some way before they are 18. Data on how many of these children live in foster or adoptive homes are not available. Foster care and adoption social workers are now saying they believe the percentages of boys and girls in foster care who have been sexually abused are much higher than in the general population, perhaps as high as 75%. Many came into foster care initially because of sexual abuse and others are children who were re-victimized while in foster care, either by an older foster child or by an adult.

What Behaviors or Signs Might You See in a Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused?

While no one sign or behavior can be considered absolute proof that sexual abuse has occurred, you should consider the possibility of sexual abuse when one or several of these signs or behaviors are present.

Physical Signs

• Scratches, bruises, itching, rashes, cuts or injuries, especially in the genital area
• Venereal disease
• Pregnancy in (young) adolescents
• Blood or discharge in bedding or clothes, especially underwear

Behavioral Signs

• Aggressive behavior towards younger children
• Advanced sexual knowledge for the child's age
• Seductive or "sexy" behavior towards adults or peers
• Pseudo-mature behavior (for instance, a girl who is eight and dresses like a 16 year-old, wears makeup and generally acts "too old for her age," or a young boy who attempts to be his mother's "man" in every sense of the word)
• Regressed behavior (for example, the child who has been toilet trained starts wetting the bed)
• Excessive masturbation, masturbation in public places, difficulty with being re-focused to another behavior
• Poor relationships with peers
• Fear of a particular person, place or thing (for example, if the abuse occurred in the bathroom, the child may show fear in that room)
• Sudden or extreme changes in behavior (for instance, a previously good student starts having trouble with school work, a child who was not sad before starts crying frequently or acting sad, or a formerly cooperative child acts defiantly or is uncooperative or unusually overly cooperative)
• Eating disorders (overeats, undereats)

Additional Behavioral Signs in Pre-teens and Adolescents

• Self-mutilation (the child may repeatedly pick at scabs, cut him/herself with a razor blade, bite his/her finger or arm, burn him/herself with a cigarette)
• Threatening or attempting suicide
• Using drugs or alcohol
• Becoming promiscuous (a child is sexually active without discrimination, or just has that reputation)
• Being prudish (the child avoids any sexuality, does not see him/herself as a sexual being in any way)
• Prostitution
• Fire-setting
• Lying, stealing
• Running away
• Isolating self or dropping friends
• Pre-occupation with death (the child may write poems about death, may ask a lot of questions about death, such as "What does it feel like and where do people go?")

Some Additional Behavioral Signs in Children Who Have Been Ritualistically/Satanically Abused

• Bizarre nightmares
• Sadistic play (for example, mutilation of dolls or small animals)
• Self-mutilation
• Pre-occupation with death
• Increased agitation on certain dates which represent satanic high holy days
• A constant fear of harm and extreme fear of being alone

About the Author

www.childwelfare.gov
Formerly the National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information and the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse, Child Welfare Information Gateway provides access to information and resources to help protect children and strengthen families. A service of the Children's Bureau, Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.