Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption?

by Child Welfare Information Gateway

If you are pregnant and not sure that you want to keep the baby, you might be thinking about adoption.

Pregnancy causes many changes, both physical and emotional. It can be a very confusing time for a woman, even in the best of circumstances. Talking to a counselor about your options might help. But how do you start?

This factsheet gives you, the birth mother, information about counseling and adoption. It addresses many questions you might have:

• Who can I talk to about my options?
• Should I place my child for adoption?
• What are the different types of adoption?
• How do I arrange an adoption through an agency?
• How do I arrange a private adoption?
• What if my baby is a child of color?
• How do I arrange for future contact with my child if I want it?

If you want more information on these adoption issues, or any others, please contact Child Welfare Information Gateway at 703.385.7565 or 800.394.3366, Child Welfare Information Gateway, Children's Bureau/ACYF, 1250 Maryland Avenue, SW, Eighth Floor, Washington, DC 20024.

Who Can I Talk to About My Options?

If you want to talk to a professional about your options, there are different places you can go. Counseling at the places listed below will be free or cost very little.

Crisis pregnancy center - This is a place where they talk only to pregnant women. It might even have a maternity center attached where you could live until the baby is born.

Family planning clinic - This is a place where women get birth control information or pregnancy tests.

Adoption agency - This choice is good if you are already leaning strongly in the direction of adoption.

Health Department or Social Services - A food stamps or welfare worker can tell you which clinic or department is the right one.

Mental health center or family service agency - Counselors at these places help all kinds of people in all kinds of situations.

No matter where you go for counseling, a counselor should always treat you with respect and make you feel good about yourself. A counselor may have strong feelings about adoption, abortion, and parenting a child. Nevertheless, those feelings should not influence their professional advice nor the treatment provided to you. In order to make up your own mind, it is important for you to get clear answers from your counselor to the three questions found in the box below. The answers to these questions will help you choose the best option.

If I feel I cannot carry my pregnancy to term, how will you help me?

If I decide to take care of my baby myself, how will you help me do that?

If I want to place my baby for adoption, will you help me find an adoption agency or attorney who will listen to what I think is right for us?

If you are not happy with the answers you get, you may wish to find a counselor at another place. Child Welfare Information Gateway can tell you about crisis pregnancy centers and adoption agencies in each State, and can also help you find other counseling agencies in your area.

Should I Place My Child for Adoption?

The decision to place a child for adoption is a difficult one. It is an act of great courage and much love. Remember, adoption is permanent. The adoptive parents will raise your child and have legal authority for his or her welfare. You need to think about these questions as you make your decision.

Have I explored all possibilities?

Pregnancy can affect your feelings and emotions. Are you only thinking about adoption because you have money problems, or because your living situation is difficult? These problems might be temporary. Have you called Social Services to see what they can do, or asked friends and family if they can help? If you have done these things and still want adoption, you will feel more content with your decision.

Will the adoptive parents take good care of my child?

Prospective adoptive parents are carefully screened and give a great deal of information about themselves. They are visited in their home several times by a social worker and must provide personal references. They are taught about the special nature of adoptive parenting before an adoption takes place. By the time an agency has approved adoptive parents for placement, they have gotten to know them very well, and feel confident they would make good parents. This does not promise that they will be perfect parents, but usually decent people who really want to care for children.

Will my child wonder why I placed him (or her) for adoption?

Probably. But adoption in the 1990's is probably a lot different from what it was when you were growing up. Most adopted adults realize that their birth parents placed them for adoption out of love, and because it was the best they knew how to do. Hopefully your child will come to realize that a lot of his or her wonderful traits come from you. And if you have an open adoption, it is likely that you will be able to explain to the child why you chose adoption.

Why am I placing my child for adoption?

If your answer is because it is what you, or you and your partner think is best, then it is a good decision. Now it is time to move forward, and not feel guilty.

About the Author

www.childwelfare.gov
Formerly the National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information and the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse, Child Welfare Information Gateway provides access to information and resources to help protect children and strengthen families. A service of the Children's Bureau, Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.