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1. Blacks blame all their problems on racial prejudice.

2. Blacks expect special consideration and treatment.

3. Blacks don't take full advantage of educational and economic opportunities.

4. Blacks don't acknowledge that white people have problems too.

5. Blacks continue to use past oppression as an excuse for current social problems.

6. Blacks don't respect the police.

7. Blacks play the "race card" at every opportunity.

8. Blacks are lazier than other ethnic and racial groups.

9. Blacks are more likely to shoplift and to commit other crimes.

10. Blacks hate all whites.

Despite these entrenched negative stereotypes, African Americans continue to move up as a people. Large numbers continue to move out of urban areas and into upscale communities. Future generations will have the opportunity to follow a growing number of role models up the corporate ladder and into the professional ranks. The progress has been dramatic, but it hasn't happened overnight.

African Americans have often been compared unfavorably to various immigrant groups for not making the most of educational opportunities. Those who serve up such comparisons conveniently ignore the many hardships and obstacles black people have faced in this country. In any case, this stereotype has been exploded in the past few years.

A recent study commissioned by the National Center for Public Policy and Higher Education found that black parents are now 50 percent more likely than white parents to rank a college education as the most important ingredient in a youngster's ultimate success. Previous studies have shown that the educational ambitions of black parents are less dependent on socioeconomic class than those of their white counterparts. However, black parents' placing so much more value on a college-level education is a relatively recent development. "Jews, Asians, and other groups have used higher education as a means of social and economic transformation," one researcher told The New York Times. "The African American community now appears to be following a similar path."

Despite all this positive movement, no person of color is immune to the ravages of overt and covert racial prejudice. So, it's not surprising to hear parents express the following concern:

How do we raise our children to have the strength to wrestle with and make sense of all the adversity - and still have enough strength left to love themselves - and their people? You do so by taking the lead in embracing life's challenges, by demonstrating a sense of pride in your heritage - and by shaping the Five-Discipline Program in this book to the needs of your children. All the while, you keep on fortifying the process by loving your children and doing everything in your power to make sure that they grow up loving themselves.

Building the Towers of Self-Love in Black Children

When parents ask: What is the most important thing we can do for our children? Our answer is: Help them to feel good about themselves and give them strength for their journey. We call these towers in a child's development self-esteem and resilience. They are the two keys to any child's emotional health, and they go hand in hand.

Self-esteem simply means that when children look in the mirror, they see someone valuable, deserving of love and respect, happiness, and success. Children who don't feel good about themselves are less likely to thrive and achieve. They are at higher risk for drug abuse, depression - even suicide.

Resilience means being able to rebound from setbacks and handle different types of adversity. Every person encounters predictable and unpredictable obstacles on the journey through life. Resilient people find effective ways to deal with these challenges - while always maintaining a vision of their long-term goals. Children who are resilient share the following traits:

• They are able to meet challenges head-on.
• They learn well from both successes and mistakes.
• They are optimistic, but also realistic, in their dealings.
• They are able to delay gratification.

Perhaps some of you are looking at the above characteristics and thinking that your child falls short in one or more areas. Don't worry. It's not too late to make positive changes.

Much of traditional psychology has operated under the belief that personalities are set by the time children reach age five or six. We know from our clinical practice that this is often not the case. We've seen adolescents rebound from early problems and emotional scars to lead fulfilling and successful lives. There's no question that the sooner you start building these towers of self-love the better. However, it's never too late to begin moving a child or adolescent in a positive direction. Here are some tips to help you get started now.

Copyright © 2002 by Robert L. Johnson, M.D., and Paulette Stanford, M.D.

About the Author

Dr. Robert L. Johnson, M.D. is a nationally recognized authority on African American youth and has been featured on numerous news shows, from "20/20" to "The O'Reilly Factor." He is also a member of the planning board for the U.S. Surgeon General's Report on Youth Violence, serves as medical and cultural advisor for "ER," and lectures extensively throughout the country. Also a frequent guest speaker in the media and at workshops.

Dr. Paulette Stanford, M.D., is the medical director of START, an adolescent-HIV program. She is also the principal investigator for a National Institute of Health research and study on high-risk adolescent behavior. Both authors live in New Jersey, and are professors at the Universiity of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey (UMDNJ).