Teaching Black Children to Love Themselves

Strength for Their Journey: 5 Essential Disciplines African-American Parents Must Teach Their Children and Teens
by Robert L. Johnson, M.D., Paulette Stanford, M.D.

The result of more than twenty years' collaborative work focusing on the heart of successful parenting, the acclaimed five disciplines program developed by Drs. Robert L. Johnson and Paulette Stanford has helped thousands of African-American children and their parents cope with the myriad of social challenges they confront each day. Now making this special prescription available to all parents, Strength for Their Journey offers insight into five interconnected areas:

Traditional Discipline: The Strength to Embrace Parental Boundaries

Racial Discipline: The Strength to Negotiate the Realities of Being a Racial Minority

Emotional Discipline: The Strength to Resist Negative Peer Pressure and Temptation

Practical Discipline: The Strength to Excel in School, Career, and Financial Pursuits

Mind-Body Discipline: The Strength to Maintain Positive Physical, Mental, and Spiritual Health

In a culture that often grants fewer safety nets to nonwhite children, Strength for Their Journey is a crucial book that African-American parents can turn to again and again, paving a path of confidence and joy for future generations.

Chapter 1

Every child should sense that gleam in the parent's eye. That's where self-esteem starts--the sense of being loved and admired. As parents, that means putting in the time.

- Dr. Marilyn Benoit, President, American Academy
of Child/Adolescent Psychiatry.

What's in This Chapter

• Helping your child meet the challenges of growing up
• Understanding what's unique about parenting black children
• Constructing the towers of self-love
• Building your child's self-esteem
• Helping your child become resilient
• Setting the right example
• Laying the groundwork for success
• Helping your child make positive decisions

In this opening chapter, we talk about the importance of fostering self-love in children. We explore the special challenges parents who raise black boys and girls face, and show you how to construct the towers of self-love: resilience and self-esteem. We explore ways to build on children's strengths and to maximize their opportunities to grow up healthy and strong.

Making the Transition from Child to Adult

Childhood is often portrayed as a happy, carefree time - and parents do need to ensure that their sons and daughters experience their full share of joy. But childhood is also a training ground for adulthood. The more effective the training, the better prepared a child will be to face the real-world challenges that lie ahead. Throughout history, societies have used different approaches to moving children into adulthood.

In some cultures, children are trained to be adults through specific rites of passage and tests. Alex Haley, in his book Roots, describes how youngsters made this transition in traditional African societies:

At twelve years of age, the boys of the village were separated from their families and taken to a camp in the jungle by the men of the community. Over a period of six weeks, the boys were taught all the lessons of adulthood. At the end of the encampment they were tested to determine whether they had learned these lessons. . . . Those who successfully passed the test were granted adult status. They had left their village as boys and they returned . . . as men.

In contemporary American culture there are no uniform tests that prove that boys and girls have become men and women. In our society, youngsters learn the disciplines of adulthood, not from lessons that are carefully designed and taught by designated elders, but from watching and listening to the significant grownups in their lives.

In the African American community, extended families of grandparents, aunts, and uncles - as well as friends, neighbors, and clergy - have long participated in the parenting process. Many of these resources are still available, and we will talk about the best ways to access and utilize them throughout the chapters. Still, as more African Americans climb the economic ladder and move out of traditional black neighborhoods, families tend to live farther apart and neighbors don't always share the same concerns. That means parents must assume a greater responsibility.

No parent can provide all of the training and support a child needs. Which is why part of a parent's responsibility involves finding mentors and other role models to help children become stronger and more well rounded. If parents and other significant adults fail to provide the support and positive example children need, they are likely to seek the lessons of manhood or womanhood on the streets. And that spells trouble - especially for black children.

The Five-Discipline Program is an effective way to help young people flourish and succeed. Keep in mind that the word discipline comes from the word disciple, which involves achieving mastery by observing and imitating someone older and more accomplished.

Our goal is to help you apply the five disciplines in ways that provide children with lessons that make them stronger. These disciplines are especially important for black children, who need to feel good about themselves and confident in their abilities to negotiate a world that is often less than fair. It must also be said that all children face a world in which fairness is often little more than a pretty-sounding word. And this raises a question that white folks sometimes ask:

How is parenting an African American child different from parenting any other child? This question may sound naive, but it's one that's at the heart of this book. All children need parents who provide love, strength, and discipline. That said, it's important to never underestimate the extraordinary challenges black youngsters face.

There are certain realities that come with being black in America, and there's no way to avoid them completely, no matter how wealthy or accomplished you become. There's no question that things are gradually changing for the better. Still, race is an issue that is likely to have an economic, social, cultural, and political impact on today's black children throughout their lives. One of our goals in this book is to help parents make race a positive force in children's lives, despite the ongoing struggle to shed the following tired racial stereotypes.

Copyright © 2002 by Robert L. Johnson, M.D., and Paulette Stanford, M.D.

About the Author

Dr. Robert L. Johnson, M.D. is a nationally recognized authority on African American youth and has been featured on numerous news shows, from "20/20" to "The O'Reilly Factor." He is also a member of the planning board for the U.S. Surgeon General's Report on Youth Violence, serves as medical and cultural advisor for "ER," and lectures extensively throughout the country. Also a frequent guest speaker in the media and at workshops.

Dr. Paulette Stanford, M.D., is the medical director of START, an adolescent-HIV program. She is also the principal investigator for a National Institute of Health research and study on high-risk adolescent behavior. Both authors live in New Jersey, and are professors at the Universiity of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey (UMDNJ).