Get a Grip, Part 2

Becoming a Millionaire God's Way: Getting Money to You, Not from You
by Dr. C. Thomas Anderson

(Page 2 of 3)

1. Controlling

If you grew up in a controlling home, you were probably not allowed to do anything for yourself. Controlling parents won't let children dress themselves, feed themselves, or choose activities for themselves. By the time such children are in school they often can't tie their own shoes or even butter their own bread. As children they never learned to take on responsibility, and as adults they generally feel they can't. Such people will shirk responsibility for the rest of their lives. They can't make decisions because they were never allowed to make decisions. Children of controlling homes avoid any kind of job that carries much responsibility with it. They will believe and will say, "I can't do it. I don't know how." Parents who are controlling in this way usually gain a sense of self-value by making children feel like they are doing something useful and self-sacrificing by taking care of them. Unfortunately, parents also limit their children's ability to take on the kind of responsibility necessary to excel in life.

2. Fear-Based

A similar type of home is grounded in fear. Children who grow up in fear generally have no motivation. They are afraid to do anything or try anything that might result in failure. They don't make decisions because they are afraid of making the wrong decision.

Children need to learn responsibility for themselves at an early age. We have two sons, Scot and Jason. By the time they were two and three months old, I was standing them up and holding them so they could do leg lifts and strengthen their muscles. By the time they were seven months old, they were already walking. At two years old, they were tying their own shoes and dressing themselves. Sometimes the clothes were on backwards and their shoes were on the wrong feet, but they were trained to take on the challenge without fear. At an early age they were responsible for themselves.

We never had a problem getting them to go to bed. We trained them to know that when it was bedtime, they went. They never argued. Even if we didn't tell them, when it was time, they went. We never had to get them up for school. They got up and went. We never had to get them up to go to college. They got up and went. We never had to get them up to go to work. They got up and went. Today Scot and Jason carry a great amount of responsibility.

They virtually run Living Word Bible Church. They are not overwhelmed by their responsibilities; they are instead excited. They seek responsibility out. I'm not bragging. I'm giving you an example of how critical it is that children learn to be responsible for themselves at an early age. It has a tremendous impact on their future.

3. Insecure

A third type of childhood environment is the insecure home, which often occurs when there is divorce or separation. Money becomes a problem and the parents keep telling the kids over and over how bad things are. The children learn to worry about having enough, something that kids would probably not even notice if they weren't told repeatedly. By the time they are adults, they are constantly striving to gain a little security. If they can just get a few dollars in the bank, just make enough money to get by, just have a secure job that will give them a small retirement, then they'll be okay. Their whole lives are spent trying to be secure-and never learning to take any risks. They are never able to operate in faith because they can't step out of that security and into what is likely to be both uncertain and unfamiliar.

Gaining great wealth requires taking some risks. As you become financially literate you will avoid taking foolish risks, but no investment is a sure thing. There is always some risk. In 1806 Napoleon said, "Glory can only be won where there is danger." Those who seek security find it very difficult to become truly wealthy.

4. Abusive

Some grew up in homes where there was abuse-physical, sexual, or emotional. The message perceived by the abused child is that he has no value. Such children often turn to drugs or alcohol or tobacco-anything that abuses their bodies. They rebel against social norms and have a very difficult time believing that they could ever amount to anything important enough to actually fit into society. They can't accumulate wealth because everything they gain is squandered in self-abuse, which deep down they believe they deserve. They just don't fit in.

5. Performance-Based

A fifth type of home is based on performance. You were only loved if you did your job well. Children raised in this environment are always trying to please their parents, their teachers, their employers ... everybody. I love to hire these people. They always work very hard, but they never learn to respect those they are trying to please. They never learn to build. They also never take risks because they are afraid of failure. If they make an investment and it is not successful, they believe they won't be loved anymore.

6. Hyper-Responsible

A sixth problem is the home where children are given too much responsibility at an early age. We already talked about the importance of training children to take on responsibility for themselves. The problem comes when they are forced to become responsible for others at too early an age. For example, when there is a divorce, a son might become the man of the house at eight or ten years old. Or, Mom is working all the time and one of the children (usually the oldest) has to take care of the younger siblings. In our society where the traditional nuclear family with both a mother and a father in the same home account for less than twenty-five percent of all families, this can be a very significant problem.

These children grow up without their childhood. They mature too quickly and react in one of two ways: Either they spend their lives trying to be kids again or they become so overly responsible they can't take chances. They can't risk any kind of investment because it would be irresponsible in their minds. You may have identified yourself in one of these categories. It is important to realize that you don't have to simply accept the direction your childhood pointed you toward. Now that you recognize the problem, you can deal with it. A lot of parents did a lot of damage to their kids, but you don't have to live out the damage. The Bible tells us to honor and love our parents, but we don't have to honor the junk they put in us. We can move on. In fact, we have to.

Copyright © 2004 by Winword Publishing, Copyright © 2006 by Word for Winners.

About the Author

Dr. C. Thomas Anderson is the founder and senior pastor of The Living Word Bible Church in Mesa, Arizona. Growing up in a line shack in Loretta, Wisconsin, Dr. Anderson experienced what it was like to struggle financially. Over the years, he has learned the biblical principles that have raised him out of poverty and made him successful in every area of his life. Sharing those principles of success has become a driving force in his life and ministry.