Set a Good Example for Children

by SAMHSA

"The only way to raise a decent human being is by being one." This is a quote from Eda LeShan, a family counselor and author of books about parenting.

We all want our children to be decent human beings - to be truthful, caring, law-abiding people. We don't always remember, however, that children learn as much from our example as they do from our lectures. Our actions need to mirror what we say; otherwise, our children will be confused about what we really mean.

When you tell a little white lie to get out of a meeting that you want to avoid, your child learns from your example. When you step on the gas and speed down the highway because you're late getting your child to her soccer game, she is learning from your example.

Children learn all kinds of things from watching parents. They learn social skills, which can be as basic as saying "please" and "thank you," or more subtle, like how to speak and act at a wedding or funeral. Children watch their parents in these social situations and learn from them.

From parents and other caring adults, children also learn values, such as the values of hard work and respecting others. Your child learns how to treat others from the way you treat him. He will learn from your actions how to treat people with disabilities and people who are poor or homeless. From you, he learns to value and respect family members, both young and old.

Your example of coping skills also gets passed on, especially if you share with your child how you deal with problems. If you tackle a big problem by breaking it up into small, manageable challenges, your child will learn not to despair when faced with a tough situation.

Healthy habits, an active lifestyle, and a love of learning are among other practices children can learn from their parents' actions. The important consideration in all of these cases, however, is that a parent's actions align with her words. As a parent, you want to model what you say. Chicago News columnist Sydney J. Harris said of children, "... [you] cannot make them any better than the examples they see around them every day."

About the Author

www.samhsa.gov
SAMHSA works to improve the quality and availability of substance abuse prevention, alcohol and drug addiction treatment, and mental health services. Includes links to support groups, information resources, events and articles.