Parents, Practice What You Preach

by SAMHSA

"I'm 12 years old, and I'm supposed to be sleeping right now. It's late on a school night, and I'm scared about being home alone. My parents are out drinking with friends.I guess they'll be home soon. I hear them come in since my room is right over the garage. Sometimes my mom peaks in at me, but I pretend I am fast asleep. I don't even care about getting in trouble, I just don't want to smell her breath or deal with the way she is when she drinks. She's a different person and I hate it!"

"My dad asked me if I smoked up today and gave me a lecture about it. I wanted to laugh in his face. I mean, who does he think he's fooling.acting all protective and concerned? Just last month, I watched him light up after dinner. And then there's that smell that comes from his bedroom door on Sunday afternoons.like I don't know what that is! Anyway, how can he come in here and tell me NOT to do something that I know he does?"

Whether you are an occasional user or just have a drink or two with dinner, your tobacco, alcohol, and illegal drug use affects your children. Of course, your use or addiction does not, in itself, cause your child to become addicted, but it can have devastating effects. These effects might range from destroying any bond you may have with your child to your child becoming an addict himself. And while parental substance abuse is just one of several factors that can predict whether a child will become an abuser, it is a factor over which you have the most control.

Children of Substance-Abusing Parents More at Risk

Research has documented that children of substance-abusing parents are more at risk than their peers for alcohol and drug use, delinquency, depression, and poor school performance. One study documented that one in five drug abusers in treatment programs in the United States was exposed to illegal substances for the first time through parents.

Honesty Is the Best Policy About Your Own Use

Even the most rebellious of teens still look to their parents for certain cues and examples. If you are at all concerned about your child developing a drinking or drug problem, it is important that you first look at your own use and behavior. In study after study, children name their parents among the major role models in their lives, and there are times when this parental influence can be negative. It is natural for you to feel embarrassed, guilty, hypocritical, or like you have to cover up your own use (past or present) when discussing the risks of substance abuse with your children. But just as you have taught them, honesty really is the best policy.

So What Should You Do? First. Stick to the Facts

So what should you do? First.stick to the facts. Whether you are talking about the actual impact of a drug or your own use, the truth is stronger than any hype or clever cover-up that may come to mind. Further, you've raised a pretty smart kid who likely can tell when you are leaving something out or exaggerating. And if your child later finds out that you've lied, he most likely will feel betrayed and resentful.

Next... Be Clear and Simple

Next... be clear and simple. Establishing clear no-use rules and messages for youth about drugs and alcohol is essential. Saying that one drug is better than another, or that it's okay to use in certain situations, may be tempting for parents who want to seem cool, but it can also sound like approval. Offering "shades of gray" scenarios also can be confusing and hard to understand.

Finally, Practice What You Preach

Finally, as the title of this article suggests, if nothing else, practice what you preach! When you tell your child that she should never get into a car with a drunk driver, but you drive yourself home from an office party after you have had several drinks, what is she supposed to think? The old saying, "Do as I say, not as I do," does apply if you really want your child to grow up successful, healthy, happy, and drug free. Children see more than you think, and the second you light that cigarette, pour that drink, or smoke that joint, any rules you've set or advice that you have been trying to impart goes out the window.

Keep the Lines of Communication Open

Maintaining open communication with your child is crucial, as is building trust and an atmosphere of love. While we are not necessarily prescribing a "zero tolerance policy" for you and your child as the sure-fire way to keep youth drug free, we are suggesting that you be honest, clear, and aware of the influence of your words and actions. If you do smoke, drink, or use drugs, ask yourself why, and think about the effects these substances have on your body and mind. Then ask yourself what effects your use may have on your children.

Some Facts To Consider

76 million Americans, or about 43 percent of the U.S. adult population, have been exposed to alcoholism in the family.

An estimated 26.8 million Americans are children of alcoholics (COAs). Preliminary research suggests that more than 11 million are under the age of 18.

Children of alcoholics are four times more likely than non-COAs to develop alcoholism.

Studies of family violence frequently document high rates of alcohol use and other drug involvement.

COAs may be more likely to be the target of physical abuse and to witness family violence.

Children of alcoholics exhibit symptoms of depression and anxiety more often than children of nonalcoholics.

About the Author

www.samhsa.gov
SAMHSA works to improve the quality and availability of substance abuse prevention, alcohol and drug addiction treatment, and mental health services. Includes links to support groups, information resources, events and articles.