Praise Your Child's Positive Choices

by SAMHSA

Nine-year-old Jack had trouble following his family's rules about packing his backpack the night before school. In the morning, Jack could often be found racing around the house in search of misplaced homework and lost textbooks while his mother scolded him about following the rules. One evening, however, Jack decided to follow the rules. He packed his backpack and placed it by the front door before he went to bed. The next morning there was no racing around and no scolding from his mother. But, would she say something about the change?

The story above might look like a lesson in raising children, but it's really about motivation. What makes Jack follow the rules? What can his mom do to help him to continue to follow the rules? The answer lies in the brain where reward and punishment mechanisms are at work.

People decide which actions to carry out based on rewards and punishments. A reward is something that you will work for. A punishment is something that you want to avoid. In Jack's case, the punishment is his mother's scolding. He feels frustrated when he can't find his homework and textbooks. Jack's reward is that he feels happy and relieved when he knows where his homework and textbooks are. His reward might also include his mom saying something nice because he followed the rules.

Recognition doesn't need to be fancy. Catch your child "being good" and praise him for it. Take every chance you get to support your child's decision to follow a rule or to meet your expectations. This is called positive reinforcement and helps your child develop self-confidence and trust in his own judgment while seeing the benefit of following your rules.

Jack's mom could give her son a hug and say, "Jack, I'm so proud of you for packing your backpack last night. Great job!" It's a small gesture, but praise from his mom will help motivate Jack to follow the rules in the future.

Some rules certainly are more serious than packing your backpack the night before school. When it comes to alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs, rules - and the consequences for breaking them - carry higher stakes.

What to Do

Talk to your child about why using tobacco and illegal drugs and underage drinking are unacceptable.

Let your child know why you don't want her to use drugs: you love her too much to ever want her to get hurt or get into trouble.

Talk together about your family values. When a child decides whether or not to use alcohol, tobacco, or illegal drugs, a crucial consideration is, "What will my parents think?"

Talk about your child's positive choices and you will motivate her to continue to make good decisions.

About the Author

www.samhsa.gov
SAMHSA works to improve the quality and availability of substance abuse prevention, alcohol and drug addiction treatment, and mental health services. Includes links to support groups, information resources, events and articles.