Helping Your Teen : School Failure, Sadness, Depression, Anger, Violenc

by SAMHSA

(Page 5 of 8)

School Failure

Failure in school is another serious issue, but nagging is the wrong approach, and enforcing study times usually doesn't work, either. Parents often assume that school problems are caused by lack of effort, and that making kids study more will improve their performance.

Usually there is much more to it. For example, children may be having trouble with academic work and need tutoring. They may have a learning disability or they may need help with study skills (understanding how, when and where to study). They may also be upset about something at home, at school, or with peers, that is interfering with their concentration. Even when the amount of effort invested in schoolwork is deficient, usually the underlying cause is discouragement, rather than laziness. The remedy is support, not more pressure. We need strategies to get teens thinking and solving problems for themselves. Dialogue is the most effective way to get them started.

How long ago did Julia start slacking off in school? What do you think has been holding her back? You need answers to these questions to determine how to correct the problem. Encourage Julia to consult with her teachers or the school counselor, and offer to participate in these meetings. If need be, you can consult with the school or get other professional help. Using all available resources, you and your daughter should be able to determine the causes of the problem. Once you know the causes, the solutions should become clearer. Your daughter will still have some obstacles to overcome, but at least she will be headed in the right direction.

Sadness and Depression

Sarah has never had much confidence. High school is harder than she expected. My husband and I are divorced, and this has been very hard on her. Now, she looks and acts absolutely exhausted, doesn't sleep, and just sits in her room crying with her door closed. When she goes out, she dresses all in black clothing and wears heavy black eye shadow. I have tried to talk to her, but she acts angry and won't say a word to me. I can't tell if Sarah is just "going through a phase" or is truly depressed.

The teen years offer new experiences and challenges that can be exciting, but also stressful. The stress of adolescence is one of many factors that can make young people unhappy. Teenagers are also experiencing hormonal changes which can affect their mood. Some sadness and mood swings are a normal part of life. But when the "blues" last for weeks, or interfere with school, home, or other activities, your teen may be suffering from clinical depression. Depression, a mood disorder that is a real medical illness, is often unrecognized, but can be effectively treated.

When teens, or anyone, are very upset about things, they need to talk with someone who cares and can help. Parents should be concerned and talk with their child about his or her unhappiness, whether it is a temporary state or a case of clinical depression. We should set an example of confronting problems, head on.

It is sometimes hard to tell when teens are depressed, because the symptoms may be hard to read. For example, you may mistake a sleep disturbance, which can be a sign of depression, for a late-night television habit, or your teen may only reveal her sadness in writings that contain morbid themes. Teens may say they are "bored" when, in fact, they are depressed. In addition, signs of depression may vary among cultural groups: Teens in some groups experience sadness or guilt; while others experience more physical symptoms, such as headaches and nervousness.

Clearly, Sarah is unhappy and may be suffering from depression. What is going on in her life to make her feel this way? Think about past and present problems. When did this crying begin? Did it coincide with family tension, or the divorce, or problems in school? How is she getting along with friends? How are things in your family, now? Are there any other problems or symptoms? The answers to these questions provide clues about what is wrong and how to help her.

Depression does increase the risk of suicidal behavior. Many teens think about suicide, and some of them follow through. Parents should be especially concerned and get professional help immediately if additional warning signs are evident, such as when a child has a history of previous suicidal behavior, hints at not being around in the future, expresses a desire to die, gives away prized possessions, has experienced a recent loss, or makes threats of suicide. Sarah needs to talk with someone who cares and can help. Give her an opportunity to discuss her feelings and what is causing them. If she won't find an adult with whom she can talk, such as a family physician or a mental health professional.

Anger and Violence

My 16-year-old son, James, is failing in school. He is often angry, has no interest in our family, and sometimes doesn't come home until 4 a.m. I have no idea what he's doing and worry he might get into trouble. At home, he spends most of the time in his room playing violent video games and listening to music with violent lyrics. I've heard him plotting "revenge" with friends, and he seems to always be talking about different weapons. This worries me, but I don't really believe he would hurt anyone. What can I do?

You are right to be worried. Although it is difficult to predict who will become violent, there are certain risk factors that may warn of possible danger. It is important to keep in mind that the presence of these signs does not necessarily mean that a person will become violent. These risk factors include: a history of violent or aggressive behavior, carrying weapons or access to weapons, the use of alcohol and other drugs, isolation from family and/or peers, poor grades, and trouble controlling anger. The more of these warning signs we see, the more we believe that children are "at risk" for violent behavior. No single factor indicates a problem, but if we see a pattern of several risk factors, it's time to take precautions. James exhibits many of these warning signs. He is isolated from his family, failing in school and staying out much too late at night. He has discussed weapons, has a problem with anger, and you heard him plotting revenge. Has James been bullied, or excluded, or teased by peers or family members? Children who have been bullied, mistreated by others, or feel they have been mistreated, are also at higher risk for being violent than those who have not. The same is true for children who feel rejected or alone. As you consider various risk factors, bear in mind that these are "red flags," not predictors of violence. They are warning signs of possible trouble. After some of the recent high profile shootings in schools, the media has publicized lists of warning signs. These lists can be used to unfairly label nonviolent youth as dangerous, because many adolescents who will never become violent will show some of the red flag behaviors.

Still, parents should recognize these warning signs and use them as a cue that something is wrong and a child needs help.

When parents see a serious problem affecting their child and can't seem to resolve it, they should connect with someone who can. To help James, you should look for a child/family mental health professional who is well-respected in your community and experienced in working with adolescents and their families. When a teen exhibits a number of warning signs for violence, as James does, parents should act promptly - for safety's sake. As a precaution, they should make sure their children do not have access to firearms, and remove other dangerous materials or objects from the home.

About the Author

www.samhsa.gov
SAMHSA works to improve the quality and availability of substance abuse prevention, alcohol and drug addiction treatment, and mental health services. Includes links to support groups, information resources, events and articles.