Helping Kids Keep Themselves Out of Hot Water

by SAMHSA

Even though parents try to keep their children properly supervised, sometimes parents may have a hard time finding appropriate activities. Many times during the year, children may have more free time and, usually, more freedom. After school, vacations, summer break, and weekends are all examples of times when there may be less structured activities and when, often, there is relaxed adult supervision. Does your child know when, and how, to get out of a potentially dangerous situation?

What To Know

Children don't always know which situations could have dangerous consequences. Parents warn their toddlers about strangers and running into the street, but they often don't realize how early they need to talk to older children and adolescents about other dangers, such as alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs. First use of tobacco and alcohol before age 12 is common, while the average age of teenagers who try marijuana is 14. Parents also need to discuss with their child the dangers of being around others who make risky choices, even if the child says he would never make those same risky choices.

You can help your child learn how to recognize and back away from situations that could be dangerous. Discuss situations with her that can have harmful consequences, even if she isn't taking part in the dangerous behavior. One example is a party where there are drugs and alcohol, but no adults. Another example is when a child accepts a ride from someone who has been drinking - either a teen or an adult. Paying attention to her own feelings and beliefs about what is right and wrong can help her know when a situation could be dangerous. In general, if your child feels uncomfortable because a trusted adult is not present, she should know that it's time to leave.

What To Do

Roleplay with your child so that he can practice saying no to things that are harmful or against the rules. For example, pretend to offer your child a drink or a cigarette. Let your child take a turn being the person who suggests something that isn't safe. Then, have fun thinking of different ways to say no.

Repeat roleplaying at different ages and stages of your child's development. A 10-year-old may find it easy to turn down alcohol; a 15-year-old may be more curious - or more reluctant to act differently if others are drinking.

Try to roleplay at times when your child is more likely to need to know how to refuse a drink or a drug, such as summertime. Surveys show that more teens first try marijuana in June and July than at any other time. To help parents deal with this summertime trend, the Office of National Drug Control Policy (ONDCP) just launched "School's Out."

What To Say

Make sure your child is comfortable with what she wants to say. Coach her to use her own words and expressions. For instance, a shy child might simply say "I gotta go," and then quickly walk away. A more confident child might say, "What? Are you talking to me? Forget it!" Children who have difficulty refusing offers from older kids or adults may need extra practice in giving a strong, believable reason for backing away from a situation that they think could be dangerous.

If your child has a friend nearby, he could ask his friend to leave with him. It's easier for a child to back away from a bad situation if he can simply say "Let's go" and not leave alone.

One way children can avoid potentially dangerous situations is to choose their friends wisely. Young people who have friends who engage in problem behavior - delinquency, substance abuse, violent activity, sexual activity, or school dropout - are much more likely to engage in the same problem behavior. On the other hand, peers can be a positive force. As children get older, they choose friends who share their tastes and values. Good friends can help each other keep sound values by talking each other out of, rather than into, potentially dangerous situations. There is no better time than now to discuss with your children the kind of friends they want - and the kind of friend they want to be.

About the Author

www.samhsa.gov
SAMHSA works to improve the quality and availability of substance abuse prevention, alcohol and drug addiction treatment, and mental health services. Includes links to support groups, information resources, events and articles.