December 5 Is Communicate With Your Kids Day!

by SAMHSA

You don't need a special day to communicate with your kids, but on December 5, take a few minutes to sit down and really talk with your child. Even if you typically spend time communicating with your child, check in to make sure that the message is getting through.

Having trouble getting started? Here are a few tips to help you communicate with your child:

1. Play reporter. Use these questions to interview your child and then let him interview you. Let your child's questions and answers lead you into a longer conversation. Remember to change the questions as needed based on your child's age. You might ask a teen about his future goals, but for a younger child, you might ask, "What do you want to be when you grow up? Why?"

2. Practice active listening. When you show interest in what your child has to say, she will open up. One technique to show you're listening and understanding is to paraphrase what your child tells you. Try doing this the next time you have a conversation. For example, your child says, "I like playing soccer, but practice is the same time as my favorite show on TV." You might say, "Wow, that's a tough choice. On one hand, you really like playing soccer; on the other hand, you don't want to miss your favorite show."

3. Validate your child's feelings. Sometimes, children react to situations in ways we think are inappropriate, silly, or overdramatic. That's because children don't have the benefit of our adult experience. What is minor to us may be important to them. For example, if your child says, "Ms. Smith doesn't like me. She gives me too much homework," don't dismiss your child by saying, "That's ridiculous. Everyone gets the same amount of homework." Instead, validate your child's feelings, investigate the situation, and guide him toward a better understanding of the situation. "Oh, I wouldn't like it if I felt my teacher didn't like me. But does everybody get the same homework assignment?" If you're not sure you have all the facts regarding a situation, assure your child you will take action, such as talking to Ms. Smith. This lets your child know that you respect his feelings and are willing to help him work through difficult situations.

4. Ask questions. Children have a lot to share when they think their opinions matter. Ask for your child's input about family decisions. These decisions may range from what to have for dinner to where to go for a family outing. Showing interest in her opinion will make your child feel more comfortable about opening up to you. If you are able to open the lines of communication with your child about day-to-day events, she will be more likely to seek your input on more serious issues as well.

Communicate With Your Kids Day happens only once a year, but good communication should take place every day. Set aside a few minutes a day to talk with your child. Talk about problems or challenges that might have come up during the day and discuss how you handled them. You can even ask your child for his ideas on simple matters to help him build problem-solving skills. These skills can help him resist peer pressure to use alcohol and drugs to solve problems.

Parent-Child Interview Questions

1. What is your favorite color?
2. Who is your best friend? Why?
3. What is your favorite part of the day? Why?
4. Who are some of your role models? What do you admire about these people?
5. What would you wish for if you saw a falling star?
6. What is your favorite food?
7. What is your favorite movie or TV show?
8. What is your favorite subject at school? Why?
9. What is your favorite game or sport?
10. What three words would you use to describe yourself? To describe me?
11. What are your hobbies?
12. What are your future goals?

About the Author

www.samhsa.gov
SAMHSA works to improve the quality and availability of substance abuse prevention, alcohol and drug addiction treatment, and mental health services. Includes links to support groups, information resources, events and articles.