We've all heard the story of a toddler, who is just starting to talk, blurting out a curse word in front of company, to the undying embarrassment of her parents. Kids are the greatest imitators - they learn what they see from the people closest to them.

Just as we can't expect our children to speak politely if we curse and swear within their earshot, we can't ask our children to live healthy lifestyles when we are not caring for our own health needs. Do we talk to our children about avoiding unhealthy life choices while ignoring our own unhealthy habits and lifestyle? Do we use unhealthy ways of relieving stress?

Take an Inventory

Annaliese Furnas, a lifestyle and success coach, suggests taking an inventory of what we say and comparing it to what we do. This may yield some surprises; for example, if a person says he is trying to exercise every day but takes the elevator whenever possible instead of walking up stairs, this shows a disconnect between what he says and what he does. Or, a person may talk to her children about the dangers of smoking but has not gotten around to quitting herself.

Work Toward Your Goals

If we find from this personal inventory that there are discrepancies between our "talk" and our "walk," we can take some steps to make changes. This process in itself provides a good example for our children. We show them by our actions that we are not perfect but that we are working toward a goal. This can be an invaluable lesson for them as they grow up. If quitting smoking is our goal, we may not be successful in our first attempt, but small steps toward our goal are important.

Seek Help When Needed

Other areas in which we can model healthy behavior are not abusing alcohol or prescription drugs; avoiding illegal drugs; eating a healthful, well-balanced diet; and exercising regularly. Taking steps toward these goals actually can help relieve stress in our lives. Smoking and consuming high-sugar, high-caffeine foods and drinks can cause tension rather than relieve it. And we shouldn't be afraid to seek the help that we need to create a healthier lifestyle - whether it's a smoking cessation class, a nutrition class, or an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Model a Healthier Lifestyle for Your Children

We also can model for our children healthy ways of handling stress. Instead of turning to alcohol or other substances for stress relief, we can simplify our lifestyle by cutting down on outside commitments. Elaine St. James, author of several best-selling books on simplifying your life, says that if you don't look forward to attending a group meeting, you should consider resigning from the group. Before we take on another responsibility or start a new hobby, we should ask ourselves, "Will this simplify my life or complicate it?"

We're not perfect, and as we journey through our lives, we can model for our children our continual striving to bring our lives into harmony with the ideals we espouse.

Put It Into Practice

Practice stress management with your child! Go for a walk, find a great book at the library, or write in a journal.

About the Author

SAMHSA works to improve the quality and availability of substance abuse prevention, alcohol and drug addiction treatment, and mental health services. Includes links to support groups, information resources, events and articles.