So stop worrying about what you're going to say next. Focus all your attention and energy on listening to what the woman is saying to you. Try to visualize or "feel" what she's saying. This does take a little effort. It's not very hard to do, but it's not something that men "naturally" do. You simply have to concentrate.

Now when listening you want to pay particular attention to any "seeds" or free information she happens to throw your way. Seeds refer to subtle hints that women give that point to conversational topics that they would like to or be willing to discuss.

An example:

Bob: You come here often?

Kim: Actually this is my first time here. Just moved here from Florida.

Bob: Oh. I come here every week. I love this band. It's pretty crowded tonight.

Bob is clueless. Kim gives him plenty of free information to follow up on. It's almost as if she's testing him to see if he has the intelligence or social skills to capitalize on what she says. Bob fails.

So what would be the "right" thing to say?
Well... she mentions that this is her first time in the club and she just moved here from Florida. Bob could have properly "watered the seeds" by asking

a) How does she like the club, band, etc?

b) What brought her here from Florida?

c) How long has she been in the area?

d) Where in Florida is she from?

e) How long was she there?

f) What's it like there?

Kim's two short sentences gave Bob tons of information to follow up on. Tons of conversational topics that she has indirectly indicated that she'd like to talk about. But Bob was too worried about himself. Too worried about the impression he was making. Too worried about what to say next to actually listen to what she said.

Do you see the importance of listening now? You must concentrate on what she says and block everything else out of your mind. If you listen you never have to worry about what to say next because the other person is "telling" you exactly what to say.

Kim even subtly indicated that she was attracted to Bob (or at least not repulsed by him). How? She didn't blow him off. She gave him some free information to talk to her about. This may have been a conscious decision on her part or it may have been a somewhat unconscious act. In any event, Bob didn't pick up on it and blew his chances with her.

Keep in mind that if a woman likes you or would like to get to know you better, she will give you free information to follow up on. She will throw out some seeds for you to water. If she's not attracted to you, she won't give you much of anything and it will be very difficult to maintain a decent conversation with her. No matter how charming you are, if she doesn't "help you out some" you'll eventually have to admit defeat and walk away.

So be sure to listen for the topics she'd like to discuss. Now in order to converse for maximum attraction, you need to keep two other things in mind. You need to tell her about yourself. And you need to maintain a proper talk/listen ratio.

You may have heard or read somewhere that people like to talk about themselves and that you should spend most of your time listening and asking questions if you want others to like you. This is true... to a certain extent. People do like to talk about themselves and they do like those who listen, ask questions, and seem interested in what they're saying.

But, if you're goal is to charm this lady, you've got to do more than that. You've got to tell her something about yourself. Specifically, you've got to "tell her" that you two are very much alike. You do this by making "me-too" statements.

That is, it is desirable to bring yourself into the conversation when you can relate yourself to something she's talking about or make yourself seem similar to her.

For example:

Kim: I really miss Miami.

Jim: I can imagine. I spent two weeks in Miami last summer. I loved it. Even thought about moving there myself.

Jim is smooth. Jim didn't ask a question (this time). He told Kim something about himself that made him seem similar to her. Now if Jim has also been listening and asking questions, then he's probably doing very well with Kim.

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