Act Like You Want To Marry A Mensch

How to Marry a Mensch: The Love Coach's Guide to Finding Your Mate
by Robin Gorman Newman

Every woman secretly (or not-so-secretly) wants to marry a mensch-the all-around nice guy that Jewish grandmothers recommend-but where are we to find them? The Love Coach comes to the rescue in How to Marry a Mensch. Full of witty tips on where to find a mensch, how to woo him, and what to do when you have the ring on your finger, this book will help millions of women find their soul mates and live happily ever after.

You'll learn where to go to maximize your chances of meeting a mensch, how to seduce a mensch without scaring him off, getting him to "close the deal" with a ring!, and the best way to deal with in-laws and other assorted obstacles.

Chapter 2

You may ask, "Why all this talk about a mensch?" Perhaps you haven't heard the word before. You're going to have to trust me here in suggesting (or should I say demanding?) that you seek one out. Okay.... do I sound too much like your mother, favorite aunt or grandmother? The last thing I want to do is get on your back about it. However, let me say that you will absolutely not regret it if you are fortunate enough to find a mensch to share your life with. You will thank me afterwards for impressing this upon you, and you mother will thank me, too. You don't have to invite me to the wedding, but I'd certainly love to hear from you if you find yourself living happily ever after with your MRM.... Mr. Right Mensch.

The Mensch Factor

How do you know if someone has the "mensch factor?" And why should a mensch be the mate of choice? Because a mensch makes top-notch marriage material, assuming you are seriously looking to settle down. He represents all that is kind and true. In other words, he is emotionally healthy. The bottom line is, quite simply and emphatically put: Mensches rock!! There is none better when you have marriage on the brain. Women in the know have for years sought out the mensch species because they are the very best in the "jungle" of dating. I hope you will do the same.

But, before you can find your mensch, you must be able identify a true one and be one to others and yourself. You need to walk the mensch walk.... we'll call it the "mensch mile." You've heard the expression "until you've walked a mile in someone's shoes," meaning, until you've experienced what someone else has been through, you're not one to judge. In other words, be a master of your own "menschery," so you know how to find and marry one. Good attracts good - so work on your inner mensch. If you believe you deserve to find a good guy and invite the notion into your life, it is all the more likely to happen.

Mensch Myths Exploded

Let me dispel a few Mensch Myths that you might have on your mind. Take the following short quiz.

Does a mensch have to be Jewish?
Is a mensch the same as a schlep or schlemiel
Do mensches speak Yiddish?
Does circumcision make a mensch?
Can a Star Trek fan be a mensch?
Can a femme fatale be a mensch?

The answers are — no, not at all, some, no guarantee, questionable (just kidding) and absolutely.

How did you do? Do you need to brush up on the term?

Measure Your Mensch Factor

How do you yourself measure up on the mensch scale? Do you have the mensch factor? Take the following quiz:

1. A close girlfriend calls. You just stepped out of the shower. She needs advice and wants you to come over since her car broke down and she can't get to you. You -

a. Tell her to eat some Ben & Jerry's and forget her sorrows.

b. Suggest she call a car service and hightail it to your house.

c. Give her the Web address for Dr. Ruth and suggest she drop her an e-mail.

d. Throw a towel over your wet hair, put on some sweats, and zoom over to her place.

2. Your friend, on a serious budget, needs decorating advice, and she knows you're good at it. You —

a. Say you'll help her and then send a bill for your time.

b. Advise her upfront that you can't do it for free.

c. Tell her to watch a home improvement show.

d. Offer to go to Ikea together and help her pick out the perfect furniture.

3. You're doing your weekly food shop, and there's one already-cooked roast chicken left in the store. An elderly woman wants it, as do you. You -

a. Take out a quarter, and flip her for it.

b. Willingly let her have it.

c. Try to convince her to buy the roast turkey breast instead.

d. Stick it in your cart and run quickly to checkout, hoping she'll get over it.

4. Your friend desperately needs someone to watch her dog for a few days while she's away on an unexpected business trip. You've never had a pet before. You -

a. Embrace the challenge, and buy a book on proper dog care.

b. Suggest she take the dog to a kennel.

c. Explain that you're honestly not comfortable watching the dog since you have no prior experience.

d. Tell her you hate dogs and that she should get a bird.

5. You and your boyfriend dine out periodically with the same couple. Knowing they typically run up a much larger liquor tab than you, you — -

a. Decide in advance to split the tab, however it plays out.

b. Grab the bill when it comes, whip out your calculator and pay your calculated share.

c. Order a 3 lb. lobster, hoping it will equal their liquor tab and even out the bill.

d. Diplomatically suggest you get separate checks as couples.

6. You invite your parents over for dinner for the first time in your new apartment with your boyfriend. You cook a roast chicken, your signature dish, but are so nervous that you forget to clean the bird before you season it and put it in the oven. You -

a. Explain and apologize to your parents, and order in Chinese food instead.

b. Quickly send your mensch boyfriend to the supermarket to buy a new chicken, and eat dinner later than planned.

c. Serve the chicken anyway and hope no one gets food poisoning.

d. Cancel the dinner.

RESULTS: A MENSCH WOULD HAVE ANSWERED AS FOLLOWS: (1) d; (2) d; (3) b; (4) c; (5) d; (6) b

What Is A Mensch, Anyway?

I often get asked the definition of a mensch and how to know if someone fits the bill. My reply is that a real mensch will stand the test of time and be there for you through good and bad. You don't have to question his motives. We defined a mensch earlier as a decent, responsible person. More formally defined, a mensch is a person of integrity and honor, whether a man or a woman. In jest, I have heard the word menschette used to describe a woman, but there is no real basis for that. Other interpretations include a person having admirable characteristics, such as fortitude and firmness of purpose.

A mensch possesses the qualities one would hope for in a dear friend or trusted colleague — someone willing to give you the shirt off his or her back. A mensch shows respect for him or herself and for others, and in return, commands respect. They are sensitive to the needs of others and want to help them. The term mensch comes from eastern Europe, and to refer to someone as such was considered the ultimate compliment. It takes true strength of character to earn the title of a mensch, a way of being in the world that is reflected in all that he does. Imagine having the opportunity to walk down the aisle with one. How much better could a spouse possibly be as a person?

As we've established, mensches don't have to be Jewish. But, if someone is Jewish and a mensch, does that make him all the more desirable? To some, the answer would be yes, because even some non-Jewish women (otherwise known as shiksas) crave the company of a mensch. They feel that Jewish men are the way to go because they perceive them as being raised well, and many are stereotypically associated with big earnings potential, among other appealing traits. Shiksas on the make for mensches might go so far as to presume that all Jewish men are well-bred, wealthy or mensches, but there are exceptions.

The "ersatz mensch" may try to pass himself off as one, but he is really a wolf in mensch clothing, so don't be taken in. Not all mensches are created equal. Decide for yourself what is most important in a mate, and look for those qualities when playing the mensch field. No one is perfect, so this is the time to curb your perfectionist tendencies if you have them. While it might be nice to have the "trophy husband," it's not all about looks either, especially when it comes to mensches since they offer so much more.

While the term mensch literally means a "person" or "man," kindness and decency know no gender, so, as stated earlier, a woman can be a mensch as well.

Copyright © 2006 by Robin Gorman Newman

About the Author

Robin Gorman Newman is "The Love Coach" (www.lovecoach.com), with a strong presence on TV, on radio, and in print, launched by her earlier book, How to Meet a Mensch in New York, which has sold over 20,000 copies.