Cancer : People Helping People

by National Cancer Institute

(Page 9 of 14)

Even though your needs are greater when you have cancer, it can be hard to ask for help to meet those needs.

To get the help you need, think about turning to:

• family and friends
• others who also have cancer
• people you meet in support groups
• people from your spiritual or religious community
• health care providers
• caregivers

No one needs to face cancer alone. When people with cancer seek and receive help from others, they often find it easier to cope.

You may find it hard to ask for or accept help. After all, you are used to taking care of yourself. Maybe you think that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Or perhaps you do not want to let others know that some things are hard for you to do. All these feelings are normal. As one man with cancer said:

"I had always been the strong one. Now I had to turn to others for help. It wasn't easy at first, but the support of others helped me get through a lot of hard times."

People feel good when they help others. Your friends may not know what to say or how to act when they are with you. Some people may even avoid you. But they may feel more at ease when you ask them to cook a meal or pick up your children after school. There are many ways that family, friends, other people who have cancer, spiritual or religious leaders, and health care providers can help. In turn, there are also ways you can help and support your caregivers.

Family and Friends

Family and friends can support you in many ways. But, they may wait for you to give them hints or ideas about what to do. Someone who is not sure if you want company may call "just to see how things are going." When someone says, "Let me know if there is anything I can do," tell this person if you need help with an errand or a ride to the doctor's office.

Family members and friends can also:

• keep you company, give you a hug, or hold your hand
• listen as you talk about your hopes and fears
• help with rides, meals, errands, or household chores
• go with you to doctor's visits or treatment sessions
• tell other friends and family members ways they can help

A little help is better than a lot of pity.

—Celtic Proverb

Other People Who Have Cancer

Even though your family and friends help, you may also want to meet people who have cancer now or have had it in the past. Often, you can talk with them about things you can't discuss with others. People with cancer understand how you feel and can:

• talk with you about what to expect
• tell you how they cope with cancer and live a normal life
• help you learn ways to enjoy each day
• give you hope for the future

Let your doctor or nurse know that you want to meet other people with cancer. You can also meet other people with cancer in the hospital, at your doctor's office, or through a cancer support group.

To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.

— Chinese Proverb

Support Groups

Cancer support groups are meetings for people with cancer and those touched by cancer. These groups allow you and your loved ones to talk with others facing the same problems. Support groups often have a lecture as well as time to talk. Almost all groups have a leader who runs the meeting. The leader can be someone with cancer or a trained counselor.

You may think that a support group is not right for you. Maybe you think that a group won't help or that you don't want to talk with others about your feelings. Or perhaps you are afraid that the meetings will make you sad or depressed.

It may be good to know that many people find support groups very helpful. People in the groups often:

• talk about what it's like to have cancer
• help each other feel better, more hopeful, and not so alone
• learn about what's new in cancer treatment
• share tips about ways to cope with cancer

As one woman said,

"I can't tell you what a pleasure it was when I first sat down with other cancer patients and heard my own fears, furies, and joys coming from their lips. You can be completely honest with these people. I'd leave some of these sessions almost dizzy with relief."

Types of Support Groups

Some groups focus on all kinds of cancer. Others talk about just one kind, such as a group for women with breast cancer or a group for men with prostate cancer.

Groups can be open to everyone or just for people of a certain age, sex, culture, or religion. For instance, some groups are just for teens or young children.

Some groups talk about all aspects of cancer. Others focus on only one or two topics such as treatment choices or self-esteem.

Therapy groups focus on feelings such as sadness and grief. Mental Health professionals often lead these types of groups.

In some groups, people with cancer meet in one support group and their loved ones meet in another. This way, people can say what they really think and feel and not worry about hurting someone's feelings.

In other groups, patients and families meet together. People often find that meeting in these groups is a good way for each to learn what the other is going through.

Online support groups are "meetings" that take place by computer. People meet through chat rooms, listservs, or moderated discussion groups and talk with each other over e-mail. People often like online support groups because they can take part in them any time of the day or night. They're also good for people who can't travel to meetings. The biggest problem with online groups is that you can't be sure if what you learn is correct. Always talk with your doctor about cancer information you learn from the Internet.

If you have a choice of support groups, visit a few and see what they are like. See which ones make sense for you. Although many groups are free, some charge a small fee. Find out if your health insurance pays for support groups.

Where to Find a Support Group

Many hospitals, cancer centers, community groups, and schools offer cancer support groups. Here are some ways to find groups near you:

• Call your local hospital and ask about its cancer support programs.
• Look in the health section of your local newspaper for a listing of cancer support groups.

About the Author

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