When Someone in Your Family Has Cancer

by National Cancer Institute

Cancer Changes Things

When someone in your family has cancer, things can change for everyone. These changes can be large or small. What it is like to have a parent or a brother or sister with cancer depends on a lot of things such as:

• Who in your family has cancer.
• What kind of cancer the person has and how it's treated.
• How old you are.
• If you have other people in your family or close friends nearby who can help.
• Whether you live with two parents or with one.
• If you have brothers and sisters at home and how old they are.
• How far the person with cancer goes for treatment-across town or to another city or state-and if you can visit or call them.
• How long the person has to stay in the hospital.
• How well or sick the person with cancer feels.
• Whether you can get the answers to your questions about cancer.
• How easy it is for your family or friends to talk with you about cancer.
• How easy it is for you to talk about cancer.
• Whether your friends know what is happening to your family.
• How your friends treat you.

Any of these can make a difference, and only you know how cancer has changed your life. One piece of information can't answer all your questions. This information was written to help you understand more about cancer and how it is treated. It may help you to understand the changes that may happen in your life. It also may help you understand and deal with feelings you have about cancer and about the person in your family who has it.

Cancer and the Family

Any illness changes family life for a while. A parent or a brother or sister who is home sick with the flu can't spend as much time with the family as usual. The sick person may get special attention, and you may need to help around the house. But most times, the person is not sick for very long, and family life soon goes back to normal.

But when someone has cancer, it is different. He or she needs special medical treatment and may go to the hospital or clinic a lot. People in the family may worry. They worry for the person who has cancer and for themselves. Cancer is a serious illness, and it can be scary if you don't know for sure if the person will get well or not.

People in your family may react differently. They may be afraid or angry that their life has changed. They may be tired, or they may be nervous about the future. They may be tense and not as easy to talk to as before, because they are worried. Some people may go on just as if nothing has happened, and they may not seem different at all. If you are upset, you may wonder if they care about the family member who has cancer. It's important to remember that each person reacts in his or her own way. You may get mad at other members of your family for the way they are acting. It is better to talk with them than to stay mad. If you talk, you can understand why they are acting that way.

Some Things You Should Know

• More people are living with cancer now than ever before, and new ways to treat cancer are being discovered.
• Having cancer doesn't necessarily mean a person will die from it.
• Nothing you did or didn't do caused your family member to get cancer.
• Nothing you thought or said caused your family member to get cancer.
• Cancer is not contagious-you can't catch it from someone else or give it to anyone else.
• You or your parents could not have protected your brother or sister from getting cancer.
• If someone in your family has cancer, that doesn't mean that you or anyone else in your family also will get it.
• Nobody can tell you why your parent or brother or sister is sick, and you're healthy.
• The way you behave cannot change the fact that someone has cancer or that your family is upset.
• It is good for you to continue with school and outside activities.

Cancer: Can It Be Cured?

Some people think that because a person has cancer he or she is going to die. Although some people do die from cancer, many do not. More people are living with cancer today than ever before. In many cases, cancer treatment can cause a remission (ree-MISH-un).* Remission means that there are no more signs of the cancer. A remission can last for months or years and sometimes lasts so long that the person is considered cured. But sometimes the cancer comes back. If this happens, it is called a relapse (REE-laps) or recurrence (re-KUR-unce). When that happens, treatment usually starts again.

Whether the person in your family can be cured of cancer depends on many things, and no booklet can tell you exactly what to expect. If you wonder how your parent or brother or sister is doing, ask an adult who you think will know. Ask someone in your family or someone who works with people who have cancer. If your parents agree, you may want to talk to the doctor, nurse, or social worker at the hospital where your family member goes for treatment. Nobody can tell you what will happen in the future, but they can help you understand what is happening.

It may help to know that a lot of cancer research is being done, and ways of treating cancer are getting better.

* Groups of letters surrounded by ( ) are here to help you pronounce words that might be new to you.

One Way to Help Yourself: Learn About Cancer

Learning about the type of cancer the person in your family has and the treatment being used will help you understand what is happening to your family member. Both of these are important to know about because there are more than 100 different types of cancer, and the treatment for each type is different. Also, there may be more than one way of treating a type of cancer, so people who have the same kind of cancer may not even get the same treatment. Treatment will depend on how old the patient is, whether the cancer has spread to other places in the body, and what the doctors think is best for each patient.

Treatment will usually follow a protocol (PRO-to-kol), which is a plan for treating cancer. However, even if two people have the same type of cancer and the same treatment, the treatment may not work the same way for both of them. So, if you know or hear of someone who has had the same type of cancer and treatment as your family member, and that person did not do well, it doesn't mean that your family member isn't going to get well. It is important to remember that each person is different and can react to treatment differently.

Words Used When Talking About Cancer

Benign (be-NINE): Not cancer.

Biopsy (BY-op-see): A test where a piece of tissue (a group of cells) is taken from a person's body and looked at through a microscope to see if the cells are normal. This is one way to see if a person has cancer. A biopsy also can tell what type of cancer a person has.

Cancer (KAN-ser): Over 100 diseases where cells that are not normal grow and divide rapidly. They crowd out and destroy normal cells the body needs. Cancer can also spread to other parts of the body.

Diagnosis (dy-ag-NO-sis): Identifying a disease. A diagnosis is based on tests and doctors' experience and knowledge.

Hematology (hee-ma-TOL-o-jee): The study of the blood, the parts of the body where blood is formed, and blood diseases.

Immune cells: Cells in the body that protect a person from infection and disease.

Lump: A thickness or bump under the skin that can be felt by the fingers, either by the person who has it or by a doctor. Lumps can be a sign of cancer, but most lumps are not cancerous.

Lymphatic system (lim-FAT-ik): Certain tissues and organs of the body that make and store cells that fight infection and disease (immune cells). These cells are carried throughout the body in an almost colorless fluid called lymph (limf). Lymph and the vessels that carry lymph fluid also are part of this system.

Malignant (ma-LIG-nant): Cancer.

Metastasis (ma-TAS-ta-sis): The spread of cancer from one part of the body to another. Metastasis also is the word used for a new tumor caused by the spread of cancer cells.

Oncology (on-KOL-o-jee): The study and treatment of cancer.

Prognosis (prog-NO-sis): What might happen to a person who has a disease.

Recurrence (re-KUR-unce): The return of cancer cells and signs of cancer after a remission.

Relapse (REE-laps): Recurrence.

Remission (ree-MISH-un): The disappearance of cancer symptoms and cells. When this happens, the disease is said to be "in remission."

Tissue (TISH-u): A group of cells that performs a specific function.

Tumor (TOO-mur): An abnormal mass of tissue.

About the Author

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