When Cancer Returns : Anxiety, Fear, Sadness and Depression, Anger ...

by National Cancer Institute

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Anxiety

Cancer takes a toll on both your body and your mind. You are coping with so much now. You may feel overwhelmed. Pain and medicines for pain can also make you feel anxious or depressed. And you may be more likely to feel this way if you have had these feelings before.

Feeling anxious can be normal. But if it begins to disrupt your daily life, tell a member of your health care team. They can suggest someone for you to talk to. Or they can give you medicines that will help.

Fear

It's normal to feel scared and worried. You may be afraid of pain or other side effects, either from the cancer or the treatment. You may worry about looking different as a result of your treatment. You may worry about taking care of your family, paying your bills, and keeping your job. You may be afraid of dying.

It's hard to deal with the fear of so many unknowns. Some people say it helps if you know what to expect in the future. Ask your health care team questions, so you can understand more about your cancer and treatment choices. Also, update your will and other legal papers, if you haven't already done so. Then you won't have to worry about them.

Sadness and Depression

Sadness is a normal response to any serious illness. You may feel sad that you have to go through treatment again. You may feel sad that life won't be quite the same from now on.

It's okay to feel blue. You don't need to be upbeat all the time or pretend to be cheerful. Many people say that they want the freedom to just give in to their feelings sometimes. But others say that it helps to look for what is good in life, even in the bad times.

Depression can happen when sadness or despair seems to take over your life. Some of the signs listed on the next page are normal at a time like this. But if they last more than 2 weeks, talk to your doctor. Some symptoms could be due to physical problems. This is why it's important to let your doctor know about them.

Signs of Depression

• Feeling helpless or hopeless, or that life has no meaning
• No interest in family, friends, hobbies, or things you used to enjoy
• Loss of appetite
• Feeling short-tempered and grouchy
• Not being able to get certain thoughts out of your mind
• Crying for long periods of time or many times each day
• Thinking about hurting or killing yourself
• Feeling "wired," having racing thoughts or panic attacks
• Sleep problems, such as not being able to sleep, having nightmares, or sleeping too much.

Anger

You may also feel angry or frustrated. It's normal to ask, "Why me?" You may be mad at the cancer, your doctors, or your loved ones. If you are religious, you might even be angry with God. If you feel angry, it's helpful to remember that you don't have to pretend that everything is okay.

Try to figure out why you are angry. Anger sometimes comes from feelings that are hard to show. These might be fear, panic, frustration, worry, or helplessness.

It's not always easy to look at what is causing your anger. But it's healthy to try. Being open and dealing with your anger may help you let go of it. It's also good to know that anger is a form of energy. You can express this energy through exercise, art, or even just hitting the bed with a pillow.

Guilt

It's normal for some people to wonder whether they did things that caused their cancer to recur. People feel guilty for a number of reasons:

• They worry about how their family and friends feel.
• They envy other people's good health and are ashamed of this feeling.
• They blame themselves for certain lifestyle choices.
• They feel guilty that their first treatment didn't work.
• They wonder if they waited too long to go back to the doctor. Or they fear that they didn't follow the doctor's instructions the right way.

But it's important to remember that the treatment failed you. You didn't fail the treatment. We can't know why cancer returns in some people and not others. So, it's important for you to try to:

• Focus on things worthy of your time and energy.
• Let go of any mistakes you think you may have made.
• Forgive yourself.

You may want to share these feelings with your loved ones. Some people blame themselves for upsetting the people they love or worry that they'll be a burden to others. If you feel this way, take comfort knowing that many family members say that it is an honor and a privilege to care for their loved one. Many consider it a time when they can share experiences and become closer to one another. Others say that caring for someone else makes them take life more seriously and causes them to reevaluate their priorities.

If you don't feel that you can talk openly about these things with your loved ones, getting counseling or joining a support group may also help. Let your health care team know if you would like to talk with someone about your feelings.

Loneliness

You may feel lonely, even when lots of people support and care for you. Here are some common feelings:

You feel like no one else understands what you're going through, even those you love and care about.

You feel distant from others. Or you find that your family and friends have a hard time dealing with your cancer.

You realize that you aren't able to take part in as many events and activities as you used to.

Although it may be harder some days than others, remember that you aren't alone. Continue to do the things you've always done as best you can. If you want to, tell people that you don't want to be alone and that you welcome their visits. More than likely, your loved ones have feelings like yours. They may feel isolated from you and lonely if they are unable to talk with you.

About the Author

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